AIBU for making DD12 give up her treat for eating more than her share of a takeaway?

They were vegetables! However I agree this poor girl needs to be heard and not judged.

The OP posted for a bit of entertainment and to air her own issues about selfishness.

This would be my concern
id have a chat to her 1-2-1 and ask her why she does this? Is anything bothering her etc etc…

Well, like I said, I just feel there's less to do to help a child who cries too much? I don't know what else to say to her. I feel like I've mostly exhausted that avenue though of course we still talk about it.

However, with her sister, it's easier to correct and give feedback on. Maybe that doesn't seem fair, but DD12's behaviour seems more fixable.

It sounds as if your 12 year old may be on the path to binge eating. I'd try to get that looked at before it becomes entrenched.

No no, read my follow-up. Sorry, I didn't do it for the laughs, but I knew that there'd be a bit of entertainment as well. I want real feedback.

How do you teach a child to cry less? Yes, obviously I worry about how this will affect her at secondary school, but...just tell her not to cry? Me, DH, and DD12 all have different approaches to DD11's crying behaviour. None of them seem to lessen the crying. I hope she'll just mature and be able to hold herself together a bit better as she gets older.

I know that people are different, but if I know my child has a selfish streak in her, I think it's my job to try to get her past it as much as possible. Just like trying to get her sister not to cry so much, it may not work, but I don't think I should just accept this attitude.

As I mentioned in another comment, I was a very selfish child. My parents never corrected me on that or anything else and I believe their lack of interest in directing or developing me as a person really did me a disservice. I had to figure out my (often major) flaws and deficiencies on my own as a young adult and try to improve myself and it was very hard! Some irreversible damage was already done by not being self-aware as a teen. Yeah it was great never getting push back on anything from my parents at the time, but now I obviously wish they'd done things a bit differently. I'm trying to find a happy medium with my children so I don't act like my parents did, but also do not swing back too far in the other direction.

I mean I didn't post it with the goal of getting a laugh...but I knew it would come with the territory and I was ok with that 😀 I did (and do) honestly want proper feedback.

How do you teach a child to cry less? Yes, obviously I worry about how this will affect her at secondary school, but...just tell her not to cry? Me, DH, and DD12 all have different approaches to DD11's crying behaviour. None of them seem to lessen the crying. I hope she'll just mature and be able to hold herself together a bit better as she gets older.

I know that people are different, but if I know my child has a selfish streak in her, I think it's my job to try to get her past it as much as possible. Just like trying to get her sister not to cry so much, it may not work, but I don't think I should just accept this attitude.

As I mentioned in another comment, I was a very selfish child. My parents never corrected me on that or anything else and I believe their lack of interest in directing or developing me as a person really did me a disservice. I had to figure out my (often major) flaws and deficiencies on my own as a young adult and try to improve myself and it was very hard! Some irreversible damage was already done by not being self-aware as a teen. Yeah it was great never getting push back on anything from my parents at the time, but now I obviously wish they'd done things a bit differently. I'm trying to find a happy medium with my children so I don't act like my parents did, but also do not swing back too far in the other direction.

How do you teach a child to cry less? Yes, obviously I worry about how this will affect her at secondary school, but...just tell her not to cry? Me, DH, and DD12 all have different approaches to DD11's crying behaviour. None of them seem to lessen the crying. I hope she'll just mature and be able to hold herself together a bit better as she gets older.

I know that people are different, but if I know my child has a selfish streak in her, I think it's my job to try to get her past it as much as possible. Just like trying to get her sister not to cry so much, it may not work, but I don't think I should just accept this attitude.

As I mentioned in another comment, I was a very selfish child. My parents never corrected me on that or anything else and I believe their lack of interest in directing or developing me as a person really did me a disservice. I had to figure out my (often major) flaws and deficiencies on my own as a young adult and try to improve myself and it was very hard! Some irreversible damage was already done by not being self-aware as a teen. Yeah it was great never getting push back on anything from my parents at the time, but now I obviously wish they'd done things a bit differently. I'm trying to find a happy medium with my children so I don't act like my parents did, but also do not swing back too far in the other direction.

This is sibling rivalry and they’re old enough to sort it out amongst themselves. All you need to say is that she was wrong and should apologise. It’s for DD11 to plot her revenge!

Edamame-gate! 😅😂

I appreciate your comment. I posted here for honest, helpful feedback, and also because I knew I'd get some entertainment out of it as well, so I'm not taking anything personally or getting offended by the antagonistic responses 😅

Honestly, I don't know how DD11 didn't notice that her sister was eating all of the food -- I guess she was just distracted by the film. The girls were at the table and DH and I were on the sofa so I didn't have a clear view of them. It was only when I got up to get something that I saw all the scraps on DD12's plate.

We definitely encourage DD11 to stand up for herself, but she's better at it some times than others. However, I don't think there's any chance she saw her sister eating all of the food and just let her. Also, she cries a lot so the tears were not out of the ordinary.

It is amazing how many people are deliberately missing the point.

If OP had bought a bag of 30 jelly beans and DD12 had eaten 28, when she was meant to share equally with her sister, would we all be saying 'it's fine, don't punish her, you'll give her an eating disorder'?

If it wasn't food, would everyone think it was okay for DD12 to be selfish? What if both daughters liked colouring? Let's say OP bought 10 colouring sheets, and asked DD12 to share them equally, only to then see she'd coloured 8 herself and given 2 to her sister? Would we tell OP not to enforce a consequence, just because DD11 'should have said something'?

This isn't about hunger, it's about a child who is plenty old enough to understand fairness being selfish. At the least, she was careless and unthoughtful, which can create pretty horrid people unless dealt with early.

There should be a consequence. Doesn't mean it's a punishment.

Has she been medically checked. You saying she's greedy but sounds like she has good issues. Id be concerned if my child.