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AIBU?

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AIBU for making DD12 give up her treat for eating more than her share of a takeaway?

658 replies

SongsOfSongs · 12/05/2026 09:23

My DD12 is a big eater and honestly can be quite greedy. She has often tried to take more than her fair share when sharing food with her sister DD11. This weekend, we ordered takeaway and there was a side for the two of them to share. Typically they will divide the side up to start with so there are no complaints about either of them eating too much of it. However, we were in the middle of watching a movie when the food came. I told DD12 to divide the side up and she said "oh, it's ok, we can share it reasonably" and I said fine since we were in a hurry. Maybe 10 minutes later I look and she has eaten all but 2 pieces of the side (out of 30 maybe?). I ask DD11 if she's had any and she bursts into tears and says no. DD12 says sorry repeatedly and that she didn't mean to do it.

It wasn't something that was easy to rectify at the time, so we said that DD12 would owe DD11 something. DD12 is in secondary school and gets an extra pound or so each week to spend on a treat at lunchtime on Wednesdays. AIBU to tell DD12 that she needs to buy the Wednesday treat and bring it home for her sister tomorrow? If there is a better suggestion, please let me know!

OP posts:
Clogblog · 12/05/2026 09:33

I would ask DD12 what she thinks is the best way to make it up to her sister - if she is genuinely sorry, her answer might surprise you and it is more likely to be effective if she believes in it

More generally she clearly has food issues. I think you're setting her up to fail with sharing a side if she struggles with binge eating

Smartiepants79 · 12/05/2026 09:32

It’s not about food in general it’s about this specific food . It wasn’t hers to eat.

rainbowsparkle28 · 12/05/2026 09:32

NoYouCantComeToTheWedding · 12/05/2026 09:28

You shouldn't use food or eating as a reason for punishment. The poor kid.

Absolutely. OP - I would suggest some actual proper help for your child as food is inevitably intertwined with emotions generally. Address the root cause.

PS - as an aside, love the username, but oh my god, you should see your faces! 🫶

Smartiepants79 · 12/05/2026 09:31

NoYouCantComeToTheWedding · 12/05/2026 09:28

You shouldn't use food or eating as a reason for punishment. The poor kid.

She is not asking her give up her dinner and go hungry! The eldest should just be able to eat as much as she wants, whenever she wants, including other people’s dinner?? Why? If she was hungry presumably there is other food available. She ate basically the entirety of a special meal that was meant to be shared. It’s about thoughtlessness.

IAmBeaIDrinkTea · 12/05/2026 09:31

No, I don't think that's reasonable, punishing for having more food sounds like a recipe for disaster and way to have problematic eating!
If you know she's prone to "taking too much" having a sharer seems daft. Next time order individual portions.

Smartiepants79 · 12/05/2026 09:29

I disagree, I think at 12 she’s old enough to understand deferred consequences. I think it’s quite a fair way to do it. The eldest was greedy and took something that technically belonged to her sister. It’s logical and fair that she gets her something to replace it. It’s not overly draconian. You accept she perhaps didn’t mean to do it (questionable?) but that she can do this small thing to make amends.

NoYouCantComeToTheWedding · 12/05/2026 09:28

You shouldn't use food or eating as a reason for punishment. The poor kid.

rubyslippers · 12/05/2026 09:24

You deal with this sort of thing at the time not days later
your oldest sounds like she could have some issues around food
take some time to understand these maybe?

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