Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU for making DD12 give up her treat for eating more than her share of a takeaway?

658 replies

SongsOfSongs · 12/05/2026 09:23

My DD12 is a big eater and honestly can be quite greedy. She has often tried to take more than her fair share when sharing food with her sister DD11. This weekend, we ordered takeaway and there was a side for the two of them to share. Typically they will divide the side up to start with so there are no complaints about either of them eating too much of it. However, we were in the middle of watching a movie when the food came. I told DD12 to divide the side up and she said "oh, it's ok, we can share it reasonably" and I said fine since we were in a hurry. Maybe 10 minutes later I look and she has eaten all but 2 pieces of the side (out of 30 maybe?). I ask DD11 if she's had any and she bursts into tears and says no. DD12 says sorry repeatedly and that she didn't mean to do it.

It wasn't something that was easy to rectify at the time, so we said that DD12 would owe DD11 something. DD12 is in secondary school and gets an extra pound or so each week to spend on a treat at lunchtime on Wednesdays. AIBU to tell DD12 that she needs to buy the Wednesday treat and bring it home for her sister tomorrow? If there is a better suggestion, please let me know!

OP posts:
Sidebeforeself · 12/05/2026 10:29

Sounds like you just wanted us to agree with you OP.

EvangelinaMae · 12/05/2026 10:28

I don't think I've seen a more dysfunctional thread on here tbh.

And all over what sounds like fucking popcorn chicken.

I feel sorry for the 12 yr old, jesus Christ.

Original poster
SongsOfSongs · 12/05/2026 10:28

NotAnotherScarf · 12/05/2026 09:48

If the child is normal weight then it's either greediness or she needs more food.

Were the main part of their meals child potions or adult. If child they are usually aimed at 5 to 8 year olds and so a kid at senior school more than likely would not be satisfied by it.

Have you actually had a conversation with your daughter why she did it and how unfair it was, at 12 she needs to know.

Personally as an only child I cannot share food, it's not that I want more than others, but the issue that I might take more by accident and they miss out.

They were not eating children's meals. They ate what they normally eat from this restaurant, which typically involves the sharing of the side.

OP posts:
LittleMissClutter · 12/05/2026 10:27

SongsOfSongs · 12/05/2026 10:24

It was a big pot of edamame pods, not chips or something.

Show quote history

Why were you in too much of a hurry to divide a pot of green beans?

Does your TV not have a pause function?

Owlsintheforest · 12/05/2026 10:27

SongsOfSongs · 12/05/2026 10:23

Honestly, I don't know how DD11 didn't notice that her sister was eating all of the food -- I guess she was just distracted by the film. The girls were at the table and DH and I were on the sofa so I didn't have a clear view of them. It was only when I got up to get something that I saw all the scraps on DD12's plate.

We definitely encourage DD11 to stand up for herself, but she's better at it some times than others. However, I don't think there's any chance she saw her sister eating all of the food and just let her. Also, she cries a lot so the tears were not out of the ordinary.

Show quote history

I think you need to nip watching TV/Films whilst eating in the bud completely. No devices up the table at all. This will encourage mindful eating as they won't be distracted eating and watching tele.

Is your DD12 overweight?

FlowerSticker · 12/05/2026 10:26

BatshitIsTheOnlyExplanation · 12/05/2026 10:23

What was the side? I can't think of a single thing that has 30 pieces, unless it was chips?

edamame

AmethystDeceiver · 12/05/2026 10:26

This is on you OP. You should have divvied it up for them, especially if you know your eldest has food issues.

Also - don't call any of your children greedy. Especially don't call a girl with food issues greedy

Original poster
SongsOfSongs · 12/05/2026 10:25

Talktalkitytalktalk · 12/05/2026 09:45

Gosh - This is when I realise I am a ‘strict parent’. This would be very unacceptable in my house - it isn’t about the food, it is the saying one thing then doing another to the detriment of her sister.

At 12 she is more than old enough not to do this and understand why it was very selfish. You weren’t starving her - my kids can always ask for more food and they will get it, it might just be a diffident type of food.

But you sharing nicely with your sister is not negotiable otherwise it is a recipe for bad sibling relationships.

Your consequence is more than reasonable and from my perspective, a bit on the light side.

Agreed! As always, I'm shocked by many of the responses 😅

OP posts:
Original poster
SongsOfSongs · 12/05/2026 10:24

Salome61 · 12/05/2026 09:45

Dr Van Tull did a programme about UPS food which is designed to make you eat more. What was in this sharing dish?

It was a big pot of edamame pods, not chips or something.

OP posts:
LittleMissClutter · 12/05/2026 10:24

And to those saying 'greedy' is such a horrible word, being greedy (which she was) is such a horrible thing to be.

It had nothing to do with hunger, she just thought her wants/needs were more important than her sibling's.

As the OP said, there was other food in the house.

Stop making excuses for her selfish behaviour.

KidsDoBetter · 12/05/2026 10:23

NoYouCantComeToTheWedding · 12/05/2026 09:28

You shouldn't use food or eating as a reason for punishment. The poor kid.

God. Shaming the poor kid. Framing her as the greedy one. You are setting her up for an ED you really are.

Floppyearedlab · 12/05/2026 10:23

Get them to split it before eating it - as in put what they want on their plates rather than have it sat between them.

BatshitIsTheOnlyExplanation · 12/05/2026 10:23

What was the side? I can't think of a single thing that has 30 pieces, unless it was chips?

Original poster
SongsOfSongs · 12/05/2026 10:23

WoollyHeadedMammoth · 12/05/2026 09:45

I don't mean to blame the victim here, but: DD12 ate 28 pieces of a 30 piece side over the course of ten minutes with two adults sitting right there and DD11 said nothing and made no attempt to take any of the pieces, but burst into tears when asked if she'd had any?

Whatever "punishment" you give and however you deal with DD12's possibly disordered eating, I'd also be finding out what was going on in DD11's head. If she's afraid of her sister, that's something that needs an adult's knowledge and intervention. If she wanted to give up her share for her sister and then felt upset over it, there are some feelings there that need to be sorted out. Either way, encouraging DD11 to speak up for herself when she's being shortchanged rather than waiting for an adult to intervene needs to be part of the response too.

Honestly, I don't know how DD11 didn't notice that her sister was eating all of the food -- I guess she was just distracted by the film. The girls were at the table and DH and I were on the sofa so I didn't have a clear view of them. It was only when I got up to get something that I saw all the scraps on DD12's plate.

We definitely encourage DD11 to stand up for herself, but she's better at it some times than others. However, I don't think there's any chance she saw her sister eating all of the food and just let her. Also, she cries a lot so the tears were not out of the ordinary.

OP posts:
LittleMissClutter · 12/05/2026 10:22

Two questions:

  1. Given that you know what she's like, why didn't you dish it up?
  2. If you were just watching a movie, why were you 'in a hurry'?
Dolphinnoises · 12/05/2026 10:22

I think her bringing home the treat is too complicated and setting her up to fail as if she scarfs 28/30 pieces in a sharing dish, no way is that snack sitting in her bag until she gets home.

If you get this takeaway regularly, then there’s something in dividing it up in your other DD’s favour next time. Needing to do it in the moment is for toddlers. Otherwise, you need a consequence which isn’t food related.

TheDevilFindsWorkForIdleMums · 12/05/2026 10:21

What was the share box ?? I'm guessing it was maccies nuggets or something??

Either words YANBU. She didn't take it all because she was a starving waif, she took most of it because it was a treat and treat food tastes nice, it was selfishness and greed that made her do it. Not hunger.
I wouldn't make her buy her sister a treat tho......just don't give her the money and next time you get a takeaway just give her 2 pieces. She has to know how it feels to see how unfair it is. A £1 bag of sweets won't cut it !

EmeraldShamrock000 · 12/05/2026 10:21

Reading this feels quite uncomfortable, greedy is such a horrible word. I think you have to be very careful with your language around food.
Yep, disgusting way to speak about a child who has always been extra hungry. I wonder how many times she’s been called greedy by her mother. 😳

NotAnotherScarf · 12/05/2026 10:21

SongsOfSongs · 12/05/2026 10:15

She's not being punished for eating too much or being too hungry, just for being selfish.

Show quote history

Are you completely sure. I'm a big lad. But as a child I didn't eat a lot which worried mum THEN I went to senior school, walking 4 miles a day, running around the much larger playground. Playing football for hours after school....I stuffed myself with biscuits, cake, chocolate...which was readily available because mum was still worried about my weight!! When I hit 18 and got a job...boom max density!

So is your daughter hungry or greedy... have you talked to her about healthy eating given she's now a tween

Scottsy200 · 12/05/2026 10:21

Sorry but if you knew that your daughter was prone to being greedy you should have divided it up equally yourself before eating, you are punishing her for your oversight now

Northernladdette · 12/05/2026 10:19

You’re the mother, you should have dished it up accordingly. YABU 😣

Maddy70 · 12/05/2026 10:19

We always had. One divides, the other chooses rule. Never has anything been more equally divided

Original poster
SongsOfSongs · 12/05/2026 10:18

Mummybearsthename · 12/05/2026 09:35

I would buy another portion of the side and let dd2 have it. I would then talk to dd1 to try and understand the issues around food...if this is only a food related issue and they are otherwise kind and share, I would be very cautious. If they particularly love food, I'd be having gentle conversations about how it's lovely to enjoy food but moderation is important...but be very careful not to link this to diet/weight/appearance it any way...I would link to health.

My view would be to try and prevent future issues through conversation and agreement rather than punishment...but that's just how I approach things... We're all different so do what feels natural to you.

Yes, we talk a lot about moderation. It's so tricky with girls this age, but I try to do my best.

Two things - DD12 was just born ravenous, but it's improved a bit over time. However, not being thoughtful of others, particularly her sister, is a recurring issue.

OP posts:
EmeraldShamrock000 · 12/05/2026 10:18

SongsOfSongs · 12/05/2026 10:14

Exactly. If she'd wanted more food, she could have had more food we had in the house. She just shouldn't have eaten her sister's whole portion.

Show quote history

What did you expect when in the past she has done it. I won’t say being greedy as it’s usually a sensory thing or hormone issue when kids are extra hungry, or an emotional issue, punishing her for her downfall is awful when you should have been in control.
You need to find out why she is like this as it’s showing addictive behaviours that she needs help with now, before she starts to eats in secret, with shame attached and spends her life morbidly obese.

Givemeausernamepls · 12/05/2026 10:18

Reading this feels quite uncomfortable, greedy is such a horrible word. I think you have to be very careful with your language around food. I also think if food is a challenge for kids then you have to be careful how you present it.

It sounds more like your daughter mindlessly ate something in front of the television, you knew there was a chance this would happen but agreed to this, where is your accountability? Where is the Grace for your child in making a mistake? Where is the teaching moment that it is easy to overeat when distracted by the tv?

I wouldn’t punish in this situation, I would talk it through and make sure I change the environment so it doesn’t happen again.

Swipe left for the next trending thread