AIBU for making DD12 give up her treat for eating more than her share of a takeaway?

Are you thinking of shite supermarket sushi?

Have you never had real sushi? From a place that makes loads of different types? Sushi is very filling, especially if you have a couple of half rolls, usually 4 or 5 pieces in a half roll,(so you can enjoy different fillings) and some temaki or something.

It depends how many they have and what type but it always makes me hungry.
My 7 year old granddaughter loves it though and can easily eat a pot of endamame beans and 6 sushi rolls to herself. She is very slim and very active

I don't think sushi is filling unless it's one of those huge packs

She has said it was a pot of endamame beans. Not very filling and very easy to dip in and eat more than your share while watching TV at the same time.

What? I have sushi all the time. It is filling. My kids love sushi for dinner and they’re both growing teenage boys who could eat the house!
A plate of mixed sushi and a side of edamame is a great dinner. Probably also paired with some movie snacks after.

Did you actually sit down and talk to your oldest? Did you ask her what on earth she was thinking because she knew that was to be split and, unless she has SEN or is just very stupid, she absolutely knew that she was taking them all. She could see her own plate, she could see how many pod cases were on it, she could see what was left on the sharing plate, she also knew what she was eating. So when she started shouting “I didn’t mean it, I’m sorry,” did you actually ask her what she did mean then? Did you ask her were did she think all the pods on her plate came from?

You need to come down hard on it. Not on the eating; reinforce that if she is hungry, she could get food from the kitchen to add to her meal but she cannot take her sister’s share of the treat takeaway food. Really, next time she doesn’t get any of the side. She can have a salad from normal fridge food but she doesn’t get any of the edamame. Her sister gets that.

I was the little sister with a very selfish, self involved, nasty older sister who only thought about herself. I don’t see her, my parents have finally caught on to her behaviour and hardly see her, no one in the family bothers with her because she is almost 40 and still the same selfish twat she always way. Because my parents just indulged it with half arsed “oh, that wasn’t very nice” comments. I also don’t really tolerate my parents much because I’ve never forgiven them.

Sort it out. When you decided you couldn’t keep the love paused for 2 more minutes, you should have told both of them to split it evenly onto their side plates at the table. You need to be very clear with your oldest from now on that she has to wait until food has been split, and she is not allowed to split it unsupervised.

You should also work on the 11 year bursting into tears.

Which isn't very filling either

Endame beans are not particularly filling and they are very moreish so I can see it's would be very easy to eat the whole pot without realising it. I would have bought the 12 year old her own pot. Children that age are probably going through a growth spurt. And she could be pre menstrual too.

This is the kind of thing my oldest son would have done to his younger brother, quite deliberately because he really likes endamame, and thought he could get away with it. He would have even done the spiel about letting them sort it out between them fully minded to eat them all himself - because he's quite strategic like that! Im making him sound like a monster! But hes not, and a much nicer young adult now, but at that age was a highly competitive horror to his little brother.

Definitely find a way to make it up to the younger one in a visible way that the older sibling will feel like they missed out - actions & consequences. Focusing on the lesson being about sharing and not being selfish, rather than food. Maybe ask the younger one what she would like, might be toy or a trip, or she gets to choose the next film for example.

Omg, there are some insane opinions on this thread!!

This is a perfectly normal disagreement between siblings (not a "war zone" 😂). Your elder DD said she could share it fairly and you were right to give her that chance. In lots of restaurants (particularly chinese, indian, japanese) it is traditional to share dishes, and part of growing up is learning how to judge and only take your fair share. This is something she needs to learn before she's old enough to eat out with friends, as otherwise she won't make herself very popular!

In this case your elder DD should have been able to estimate what half was, especially as the empty pods should have helped her keep track. She was selfish and choose to eat more. I think the punishment is fair, but I'd present it as redressing the balance rather than a punishment. Rather than expecting DD12 to buy the snack (and refrain from eating it), I'd just give the pound straight to your younger DD.

I just don’t get why you would put either of them in this position. All this drama!

Your older DD finds it hard to share for whatever reason. That’s fine, maybe she will when she gets older, maybe she won’t. Just take control and split food between them

I know. Total middle class problems. Someone took too many edamine pods

Has this happened before. The older daughter taking food from the younger? There's food issues there and it might not be greed. Some kids are more food driven

I agree with this.
It's worrying and unusual behaviour. I don't think punishments is the right approach

Yep. It's no big deal. She's had her "punishment" which was her sister crying. Just divide it first in future.

This whole thread just makes me feel sad for the kids involved. Fighting over food, being punished for it. Then at the crux of it are some edamame pods. Not even like it was a box of nuggets to fight over. Poor kids

She didn't forget. She sat eating the food in front of her sister

Did your DD say why she didnt share equally with her sister when that had been agreed?
Has she don't this before?

So.

you know she has little willpower/self control around food, and because of a film, decided to ignore all instinct, and let your daughter divvy it up herself.. only she didnt, and ate 95% of it.. and you're blaming your dd for it?

I guess you were never the younger kid with the older sibling who'd steal all the food if given the chance. I was.. and i just ran this by my mom who had to police my brother who was a food/drink grabass. She always split it and we(he) weren't allowed to have anything to do with it. No matter how much he promised, he was just mean, and selfish.. but his ran into literally stealing off my plate if mom wasn't looking.

Even my 72yo mom says this is your mess up and you should be protecting your 11yo from her sisters greed/mean behaviour.

Take some responsibility here.

She's just musing on the appropriate way to do it.

Which is absolutely the correct thing to do, but some of us are saying just take the issue away from food. I would personally suggest she uses her pocket money to buy her Dsis a small gift, like those kineki hair tie things they all seem to love - or similar. Not costly but a token of "sorry I forgot about remembering you."

The problem is the lack of sharing, not the amount she ate. OP, sorry but you're going to have to divvy up the food for them.

If she won’t share with her sister, you will just have to continue to divide it up for them.

Food is such a hot button issue at that age. Just don’t give them the option

Exactly. I see a lot of myself in her at that age and, honestly, I could be pretty terrible. But I didn't have a sibling for it to affect. It took many years for me to transform into a nicer human being, so I think it's a bit triggering to see her act like me at that age

But she is NOT you. Stop assuming she is as 'terrible' as you.

Poor girl ...

I think children can be easily distracted when tv/food are happening at the same time. I think this is down to you to put in more boundaries. If this is an ongoing issue sharing should not have been an option. Does dd12 emotionally eat? It sounds like there may be an underlying issue. I would be careful about punishing her over food at her age you need to tread carefully. I would consider dd12 paying her sister in money to buy a treat of her choice but it doesn’t have to be food related.

Poor DD11.
I'm surprised other posters are defending her sister's selfish unkind behaviour (because a girl can never be spoken to about food apparently) while DD11 has to lump it.

Of course OP is concerned about redressing the fairness balance between her daughters. She's just musing on the appropriate way to do it.