AIBU for making DD12 give up her treat for eating more than her share of a takeaway?

Sushi is actually quite filling, I think. I always manage to eat less of it than I thought I wanted and I do really like it.

@SongsOfSongs I wonder if next time you get this meal you could let your children know that DD11 will be portioning up the edamame beans and may take as many as she likes. Either she will take most of them and feel like she's got her own back which means DD12 will see how it feels, or she'll be generous which is something you can discuss with your other daughter. You can let them know now that this is what will happen next time and why. I don't think a 12 year old needs to have the consequences immediately following the poor choice in a way that a five year old might. And in the mean time, leading up to the next sushi fun, keep modelling kindness and fairness and explicitly explaining your choices.

Because she likes to eat her main first, or she was distracted watching the film… it doesn’t matter, it doesn’t mean she didn’t want them and it doesn’t mean she didn’t have a right to eat them.

Didn't see you call people loonies earlier.

Edamame pods and sushi is hardly a hearty meal is it?
especially for growing pre-teens and possible hormone fluctuations.
it sounds unnecessarily stressful , just divvy everything up beforehand as is the usual procedure for siblings, and maybe get a couple of different sides in future so one hungry person doesn’t feel compelled to fillet more than their ‘share’ because it’s not enough to eat

Does this issue present only with her sister or does it also happen with peers, friends, other family members etc.?

This ^^

With bells on

Hunger can be for growth spurts or other issues. Eating in front of TV is distracting and it’s possible it was a genuine thoughtless error. On the day PCOS is redefined as a metabolic disorder…be careful not to cause permanent harm

Ps. What film. Just co I’m nosey 😂

So what will you do ? Give dd11 the older ones £1 treat money

tho for 11 she needs to start growing up a bit and not in tears every thing esp as assume sept she will go to secondary school

How did the twelve year old manage to eat 28 (?!!) pieces of this dish without anyone noticing or commenting? If you know this is an issue, the adults needed to supervise better and ensure the dish was fairly split.
Does your younger child have difficulty asserting themselves with their older sibling? Wouldn’t most 11 year olds say something? ‘Hoi, you greedy get, I’ve to have half of that!’ Or did the child not notice till it was too late?
I think I would be more inclined to talk to the 12 year old about their behaviour than to punish as such, because the adults need to take some responsibility for how this went down. I can’t imagine not seeing that my similar age daughter was scoffing such a huge amount of food while another child had hardly anything.

No, it wouldn't be an issue for me if one of my children ate the whole pot of vegetables. I would be actually very happy about it.
She was clearly hungry. Next time just divide the food before they start eating. Don't punish kids over food! Maybe you could have told her to wash up the dishes that day or something, but what you're proposing is too complicated and sounds excessive.

Siblings need to be taught to respect each other, and love each other. It doesn’t happen naturally. If anything, there is a potential built in resentment to a younger sibling who has arrived on the scene. Taking up all attention and time if you please !
You have to literally teach them to regard and look out for each other. To value each other. To be sisters.
Otherwise they possibly won’t have the relationship you imagine will develop.

But didn't notice they'd been eaten... 🤔🤔

Well unless you are all psychic and know how much to take. Taking over other people’s plates is selfish. But if it is shared, it is a total pain. you have to do the awkward English thing of ‘did you want some more’ ’no no you have it’ ’are you sure’ ad infinitum. Just portion the bloody food!

My Dd ( now adult) still has issues around sharing food. I think it is linked to emotion. She is fine so long as she knows that what is on her plate is hers. Asking a child , even a 12 year old to police themselves over dividing food when they want more than their share is setting them to fail and then compound the failure with guilt.I am not sure 'punishment' or consequences are the right way to deal with this. The issue is deeper.

I didn't suggest the sister was right for taking the beans. Just that I don't think sushi is very filling

That she’d specifically chosen and was looking forward to.

Which it would be, if it’s going to be your whole dinner, which was the case here. OP says the children often ask for sushi, so I’m sure they know how much they need to fill them up.
And even if it wasn’t enough for whatever reason (growth spurt, didn’t have much for lunch…) if you’ve finished your meal you can have something else in the house like fruit or toast, not your sister’s share of the edamame beans.

Quite. We teach our 6 year old that she can't take loads from shared dishes,as she has to think of others . She now even checks who wants second helpings before she takes any more.

If it helps my 15 year old is the same, oblivious to sensible sharing. Eg we bought a packet of 5 doughnuts. There are 5 people in the family. He ate one, then later on the last one, and then was somewhat baffled/abashed when told off for not leaving one for his sister. He will also finish a packet of cereal in two days so if someone else has a favourite they have to hide it from him. I don't think he actually does it on purpose, just unthinkingly. We don't exactly punish him but we do point it out to him and try and get him to think of others. But anytime we buy anything special we do tend to put notes on it telling him not to eat it all, or hide it from him if it belongs to someone else. We've also told him to buy replacements for his siblings when he's eaten their stuff before. I think 12 is old enough to understand a delayed natural consequence.

Agree with this, unfortunately.

It was a few edamame beans.

you clearly didn't read my earlier post where i told everyone i literally had an older brother who STOLE FOOD OFF MY PLATE.

Which is WHY i always divvy up and don't share from the same plate/bowl.

“It saves all this bullshit of who ate more than their share”

You have clearly never lived with someone who has no impulse control around food.

The power dynamic between the two sisters is an issue.
The younger one allowed the older one to eat most of the side. That you said they should share.

Only when you intervened and asked if she had had any did she show any emotion and burst into tears. Which meant she had stifled her feelings while here sister was munching her way through it all. And was unable to say ‘hey leave some for me’ or take some for herself to her plate. Why not ?

The older sister needs to respect the younger one. I don’t think she does at the moment. The older sister appeared contrite as she had been caught out.

if you're both sharing from the same pot, yes. It saves all this bullshit of who ate more than their share.

Mom and I often share food, and we still divvy it up before eating.