AIBU for making DD12 give up her treat for eating more than her share of a takeaway?

People jump to so many conclusions on here, yet it always still manages to shock me a bit!

No, I am not concerned about DD12's weight (she is quite thin) and they had sushi and edamame from the takeaway. We get a takeaway once or twice a month.

Honestly, OP, if your 11 yo is overweight as you said then she probably just needs to be left to regulate her own intake and not ‘reminded’ to eat. Her being ‘sporty’ by her own reckoning (you said she says she’s always running) when she isn’t doing this outside of school suggests she probably isn’t and if left to her own devices would eat to her own devices. Your 12 yo being slim and hungry means you do need to order extra food for her.

The consequence is that she doesn't get to say she can be trusted to share again... 🤷‍♀️

Any fall out with the sister van be dealt with between themselves.

No. They’re 1 year apart in age, and OP has said repeatedly that the younger one wanted her share but just eats her in a different order. She has also been very clear that there was plenty of other food and the older girl could have had another side dish made from food in the house. This is not an issue of a lack of food and a hungry kid. This was treat food, which is always split evenly. If anyone is still
hungry, they can go and eat anything else but they cannot eat someone else’s share of the treat.

This is an utterly insane thread. No wonder so many kids are so selfish because their being raised by the nutters on here who cannot wrap their heads about splitting things fairly when it’s a treat, and eating something else if you’re still hungry. And all the people
who think a 12 year old cannot possibly be expected to only take her half of a dish?… it’s idiocy. Just a completely bonkers thread which really shows why teachers are leaving in droves because nowadays have such terrible behaviours.

How is it so complicated to understand that when a treat is bought, you say to you kids “take half each.” No one is being starved. No one is being treated badly. The only one who failed here is a 12 year old who took 28 pieces and left her sister 2. It is completely unacceptable for a 12 year old to be unable to share, to be unable to look at a serving and take her half and leave the other half for the other person to take whenever they want. It is completely unacceptable behaviour, and at that age is the totally inappropriate. She is old enough to understand and be conscious is others and only taking her share.

I’ve been reading this thread open mouthed at some of the replies. My kids are 14 and 12. Both boys. We always serve food in the middle of the table so everyone takes their share. I have never ever had this issue. It so basic. It’s like, one of the most basic social things a kid learns.

Do people here not take their kids for tapas or meze? Do you not even sometimes make your dinner with lots of sides and put them all on the table for everyone to take their share? No sharing breads, or cheesy fondue? Even afternoon tea - scones, sandwiches, cakes all put out on the table for the kids to have a nice treat? Even when we go to the beach, we put all the pic Nic food out on the table on Tupperware and everyone serves themselves and no one ever takes more than their portion until everyone has eaten, and then they’ll ask if they can have the last of X. That’s been my kid’s their whole lives because it’s a totally normal way to eat, with family and friends.

But I guess you lot really are just eating a slab of meat and a pile of potatoes on your own wee plate every night.

Fucking hell some of the comments here are insane. So many of you clearly either don't have kids of this age and didn't have siblings, because one or the other being greedy about a treat food (it doesn't matter that this was edamame? She took more than her fair share for no reason than she could and she wanted to!) isn't only completely normal boundary-pushing, but it's also completely normal for a parent to step in and dole out a consequence.

Ugh, why do people let their children get away with poor behaviour with no consequences... So weird

Ugh why do people like punishing kids... So weird.

I’m still mystified as to why anyone has to share food and they can’t have their own portion? If a child is an unhealthy weight then of course that needs to be tackled in a sensitive way but otherwise, just give everyone their own portion. The whole premise of having to share is bizarre. Presumably is not so poor that she cannot afford to feed her children?

Accidentally eating more than your share of a shared food while munching in front of the tv (OP has said they were watching a film) isn't normal?

Plenty of adults would do this 🤷‍♀️

I’m still mystified as to why anyone has to share food and they can’t have their own portion? If a child is an unhealthy weight then of course that needs to be tackled in a sensitive way but otherwise, just give everyone their own portion. The whole premise of having to share is bizarre. Presumably is not so poor that she cannot afford to feed her children?

You shouldn't use food or eating as a reason for punishment. The poor kid.

The OP says that (and all manner of other horrible things about DD1), yet her actual description of their behaviour shows DD1 to act maturely and reasonably, apologising when she's made an error, understanding and calm when she's on the receiving end of the exact same situation, and DD2 acting manipulatively and childishly and turning on the water works.

You need to discount OP's judgement of her daughters as it's permanently set to DD1=bad, DD2=good, even though their actual behaviour doesn't show that.

OP has a clear golden child and a clear scapegoat. This dynamic is damaging both of her children.

The OP said that her elder daughter is constantly mean to her younger one. I'd say it's the other way around

And it's noteable that DD1 dealt with the situation calmly and maturely (for which she should be praised), whilst DD2 cried and acted immaturely (for which she should be corrected), yet OP can't say anything good about DD1 nor recognise DD2's bad behaviour.

This is classic scapegoat and golden child, and is emotionally damaging to both children.

But why do you assume your daughter was doing it deliberately to hurt her sister? It doesn't seem that way at all. You seem really stuck on this image of your daughters as 'selfish' and 'kind and supportive' respectively. But the two situations are just the same - some kids ate more than their share, and while annoying, it's not really a big deal as long as no one actually goes hungry. The knots you're twisting into in order to justify your assessment of your daughter as 'selfish' and 'greedy' is honestly too much. And the fact you thought it would be funny and entertaining to slag off your daughter to strangers online - it's all just really unpleasant, OP, and I hope you can stop yourself from continuing down this path.

No. They’re 1 year apart in age, and OP has said repeatedly that the younger one wanted her share but just eats her in a different order. She has also been very clear that there was plenty of other food and the older girl could have had another side dish made from food in the house. This is not an issue of a lack of food and a hungry kid. This was treat food, which is always split evenly. If anyone is still
hungry, they can go and eat anything else but they cannot eat someone else’s share of the treat.

This is an utterly insane thread. No wonder so many kids are so selfish because their being raised by the nutters on here who cannot wrap their heads about splitting things fairly when it’s a treat, and eating something else if you’re still hungry. And all the people
who think a 12 year old cannot possibly be expected to only take her half of a dish?… it’s idiocy. Just a completely bonkers thread which really shows why teachers are leaving in droves because nowadays have such terrible behaviours.

How is it so complicated to understand that when a treat is bought, you say to you kids “take half each.” No one is being starved. No one is being treated badly. The only one who failed here is a 12 year old who took 28 pieces and left her sister 2. It is completely unacceptable for a 12 year old to be unable to share, to be unable to look at a serving and take her half and leave the other half for the other person to take whenever they want. It is completely unacceptable behaviour, and at that age is the totally inappropriate. She is old enough to understand and be conscious is others and only taking her share.

I’ve been reading this thread open mouthed at some of the replies. My kids are 14 and 12. Both boys. We always serve food in the middle of the table so everyone takes their share. I have never ever had this issue. It so basic. It’s like, one of the most basic social things a kid learns.

Do people here not take their kids for tapas or meze? Do you not even sometimes make your dinner with lots of sides and put them all on the table for everyone to take their share? No sharing breads, or cheesy fondue? Even afternoon tea - scones, sandwiches, cakes all put out on the table for the kids to have a nice treat? Even when we go to the beach, we put all the pic Nic food out on the table on Tupperware and everyone serves themselves and no one ever takes more than their portion until everyone has eaten, and then they’ll ask if they can have the last of X. That’s been my kid’s their whole lives because it’s a totally normal way to eat, with family and friends.

But I guess you lot really are just eating a slab of meat and a pile of potatoes on your own wee plate every night.