AIBU to take my Year 7 daughter's smartphone away completely?

Teach skills, yes, but 12 is just too young to manage a smartphone. At this age, you teach them to ride a bike, not give them the keys to your Ford Ranger. And if the kid is determined to get around checking messages, they will.

Yes they will. It's a safeguarding issue and is of very serious concern.

Will the school help if this isn't school related?

I am sorry to hear that, how dreadful. I think it's important though that you do refer it to the SL, though .You don't fully know what she's been accessing, or what lead to this.

Sounds like she's become peer orientated.

Try starting with the assumption that someone is grooming her into making and sending the semi clothed pictures. Don't categorise it as bad behaviour she's 100% responsible for until you've investigated who might have been asking for these images or if it really is a group of girls who all do this which one started it / is the ringleader - that child may well be being abused.

Somebody might be threatening her / trying to blackmail her over the semi clothed photos. You need to be a safe person who can help her get out of the situation rather than a person who is just cross about the photos.

Accidentally replied this to @RominaDina

@ExasperatedIs What is your dd's father and what is their relationship like? Is he distant and demanding or warm and approachable? Does she enjoy any clubs at school? Please considering signing her up for something, anything, guides, scouts, cadets, drama club, coding, sailing, dance whatever. Does she have any interests other than boys?
Taking the phone away is not enough, believe me, girls find ways, they use their friends' phones to communicate with boys, meet up in secret.
Install a ring camera so you know if she leaves the house at night. Keep your dd close. Talk to her A LOT.

Oh yes.

I think those questions are best directed at the OP, not me.

I don't understand why not teach the child to manage having a phone? Keeping a close eye on things, checking messages every evening, phones downstairs at all times. They're switched off and out of sight at most schools.

OP's child has psycho social problems, these must be tackled, else she will fall in with the wrong crowd, county lines, alcohol vaping, and even teenage pregnancy. Taking the phone away improves certain things but doesn't actually help dd manage things.

What is your dd's father and what is their relationship like? Is he distant and demanding or warm and approachable? Does she enjoy any clubs at school? Please considering signing her up for something, anything, guides, scouts, cadets, drama club, coding, sailing, dance whatever. Does she have any interests other than boys?

Taking the phone away is not enough, believe me, girls find ways, they use their friends' phones to communicate with boys, meet up in secret.

Install a ring camera so you know if she leaves the house at night. Keep your dd close. Talk to her A LOT.

That's really positive, but I was specifically referring to the sexualised images.

Good parenting 💯

Have you made an appointment to see the Safeguarding Lead? Their intervention will be very helpful and supportive. They can give you advice on other matters, too.

My daughter occasionally moans at how strict i am compared to other mums.

I dont care. And a lot of it is exageration. You are going to hear a lot of "but my friends have this, my friends do that" over the next few years...

you need to know what your boundaries, morals and standpoints are as a parent and stick to them.

If my daughter said "im left out im the wierd one" id just say "im sorry you feel that way but at least your safe".

Yes I get pushbacks occasionally but she bloody knows im stubborn and I mean what I say.

If she wants rewards/treats/taken to her clubs she tries her best at school, is polite and respectful, does her homework/revision and helps me round the house.....same rules since she was 4 🤷‍♀️

Consistency is key

Why not just only let her have the smart phone when she's in the same room as you, or some other formula that means she can't take dodgy photos and is unlikely to be viewing bad content? Letting her have a phone is one thing, but letting her have a phone in her room or a phone that you don't physically confiscate at night is madness at this age imho. Until age 15 my DD could only use her smart phone in the living room and when travelling to and from school. Other than that the phone was to be in a specific place in the kitchen. Around yr8 all social activities started to be organised on snap chat so she would have been quite isolated without being able to check it and chat with her friends on snap. But this way i felt like i had control over how it was being used. Obviously i had control of screen time and content through passwords from my phone as well.

I have boys so might be different but my son the same age as your dd doesn't have a phone at all. He has an old shared tablet with no wifi and the family computer.

Totally not to do with the Op as I wasn’t suggesting her daughter may have ADHD just pointing out how easy it is to be outraged.

But anyway you seriously can have no idea whether a person does not have ADHD, it can be easier to tell that they do. Many very successful and outwardly ‘together’ people have it.

At all our schools, smart phones are now banned until the kids are older; these are recent policies given the damage it seems to be doing to teens. Yanbu

Year 7 it's an age group which is 11 turning 12 not a 7 year old!

Our daughter is now 30, so one of the first generation to be exposed to mobile phones. All I can say is that it was a bloody nightmare, an addiction. After one really dangerous act of bad behaviour we took the phone off her and gave no return date, it was like watching a drug withdrawal. She kept asking if she could have it back, but we refused until her behaviour changed, it was over a month before returning it.

We now know she has an addictive personality and is still glued to her bloody phone. This tech has definitely had an affect on her mentality, shockingly so. It’s now even worse, we never bought her a contract phone to her disgust, as according to her everyone else had one, yeah right.

It really isn’t easy and is destroying their childhoods. Back in the mid 90’s I worked for BT. To apply for an action man mobile phone you had to be over 18, have a landline and a credit check. I’m absolutely shocked at how easy it is now. More money for the unscrupulous tech billionaires at the expense of our childrens sanity, it’s abhorrent.

I completely feel your frustrations, it just isn’t easy. They’re exposed to so much at a young age. A medic once told me that they class someone an adolescent up to the age of 25, they’re scrambling their brain development in an unhealthy way, 😢