AIBU to take my Year 7 daughter's smartphone away completely?

Sounds like lame excuses to me, sorry. Are we parents or not? It’s our job to be firm and put necessary restrictions in place. Kids always kick up a fuss when they think something is unfair and have for as long as time… Prior to smartphones it was games consoles or computers and before that TVs. This isn’t new, parents need to get a hold of it and put their foot down.

Also, how would they steal the pin? Unless you were stupid enough to do it in front of them.

Believe me she’s had attention!! She was a Velcro baby and practiced attachment parenting! She literally only stopped getting up in the night and getting into our bed about 2 years ago. Had a nightmare getting her to sleep on her own for years.

Android is pretty similar. However:

• Parents are scared of the tantrums that result if they shut it down entirely, so they don't use that function.

• Really addicted kids will steal pins, etc. It's like drug addicts - the lengths that they can go to are pretty astounding.

• These restrictions can make things worse. The kid knows that they can be given extra time, etc. This results in endless badgering, and parents give in, because they are only human. ( whereas if the phone doesn't exist, it's easier to resist going out and buying a phone ).

She is refusing the Nokia too so it’s nothing now! My DD the same, I’ve lost count of how many times I’ve changed the screen time password and my Apple ID password.
She is on Day 3 now of no phone and slowly starting to talk more, saying ‘love you’ again and less attitude. We’ve also not had any more behaviour points in school. We go on holiday next week and won’t be taking the phone but said she can take the iPad to watch something on the plane but I’ve disabled the face time, messages and there’s no social media on it (you tube and Pinterest though). Be interesting to see if this holiday will go better than the last one where she wanted to sit under a towel for most of it and go back to the room on her own!

Yeah restrictions are just like giving a coke addict a massive bag of coke and then saying that they can only have a teaspoon. It’s like torture for someone who’s properly addicted- they’ve got the phone, they know that the apps that give them the dopamine hit are there, they just can’t use them. Better just to take it away.

I don’t understand. If this is Apple (I don’t have experience with android) then you have the control over your child’s phone completely. I can (and do) restrict screen time so the phone shuts down entirely after a certain amount of hours or at a certain time of day and there’s absolutely no way around this for them unless they know my pin which they don’t. I can also prevent them from downloading apps entirely without my permission which I have done - I get a notification asking for my permission for apps. I can block certain apps entirely. I can also shut down their phone at any given moment if they’re not listening to me which works like magic!

So yeah, this is on you provided android have similar features if you don’t have apple products. I allow but monitor snapchat and WhatsApp, I do not allow TikTok. My DD’s are older than yours and still hate that I don’t allow TikTok but I’m not budging on it!

I don’t understand. If this is Apple (I don’t have experience with android) then you have the control over your child’s phone completely. I can (and do) restrict screen time so the phone shuts down entirely after a certain amount of hours or at a certain time of day and there’s absolutely no way around this for them unless they know my pin which they don’t. I can also prevent them from downloading apps entirely without my permission which I have done - I get a notification asking for my permission for apps. I can block certain apps entirely. I can also shut down their phone at any given moment if they’re not listening to me which works like magic!

So yeah, this is on you provided android have similar features if you don’t have apple products. I allow but monitor snapchat and WhatsApp, I do not allow TikTok. My DD’s are older than yours and still hate that I don’t allow TikTok but I’m not budging on it!

No, don't take the ipad on holiday, you are setting her up to fail, and the both of you up for fights. She'll just be jonesing for the thing the whole time, and she'll get around the restrictions. She will survive a flight without a damn screen. She can take a book.

She is refusing the Nokia too so it’s nothing now! My DD the same, I’ve lost count of how many times I’ve changed the screen time password and my Apple ID password.
She is on Day 3 now of no phone and slowly starting to talk more, saying ‘love you’ again and less attitude. We’ve also not had any more behaviour points in school. We go on holiday next week and won’t be taking the phone but said she can take the iPad to watch something on the plane but I’ve disabled the face time, messages and there’s no social media on it (you tube and Pinterest though). Be interesting to see if this holiday will go better than the last one where she wanted to sit under a towel for most of it and go back to the room on her own!

She is refusing the Nokia too so it’s nothing now! My DD the same, I’ve lost count of how many times I’ve changed the screen time password and my Apple ID password.
She is on Day 3 now of no phone and slowly starting to talk more, saying ‘love you’ again and less attitude. We’ve also not had any more behaviour points in school. We go on holiday next week and won’t be taking the phone but said she can take the iPad to watch something on the plane but I’ve disabled the face time, messages and there’s no social media on it (you tube and Pinterest though). Be interesting to see if this holiday will go better than the last one where she wanted to sit under a towel for most of it and go back to the room on her own!

I feel for you OP. I have a DD of same age, and even though her behaviour is not so concerning (it's more hours of mindless scrolling), she has also bypassed any controls I have put in place. I seem to spend my life setting up 20 mins per day max, but within a few days the restriction has ever gone altogether, or it has stopping 'blocking at end of screentime', which mean they can get '5 more minutes' for hours. I was told that iphone controls are notoriously easy to get around, and Android are better? (could be true, we have iphones).
In your DD's case, I would definitely switch to a Nokia, or no phone (my DD has refused to use the Nokia). And I think the sexualised behaviour is deeply concerning. I would speak to the school and potentially the boyfriend's mother (if he is also 12?). She is definitely going off the rails, and is vulnerable.

I feel for you OP. I have a DD of same age, and even though her behaviour is not so concerning (it's more hours of mindless scrolling), she has also bypassed any controls I have put in place. I seem to spend my life setting up 20 mins per day max, but within a few days the restriction has ever gone altogether, or it has stopping 'blocking at end of screentime', which mean they can get '5 more minutes' for hours. I was told that iphone controls are notoriously easy to get around, and Android are better? (could be true, we have iphones).
In your DD's case, I would definitely switch to a Nokia, or no phone (my DD has refused to use the Nokia). And I think the sexualised behaviour is deeply concerning. I would speak to the school and potentially the boyfriend's mother (if he is also 12?). She is definitely going off the rails, and is vulnerable.