AIBU to take my Year 7 daughter's smartphone away completely?

Op said the head knows about the images and is of year is supporting her daughter. dc's school notoriously disinterested in anything to do with phone use outside of school hours, I'm interested what support heads of year give in other better schools?

I’m an NOT normalising this - hence why I’ve taken the phone away and spent time talking to her about it. I am not desensitised / it is a real problem amongst girls not just my daughter! I am trying to protect her hence why I am doing this.

I think there is some confusion re the sexualised images. She was posing in the mirror on the annoying way girls do these days pouting and curbing their body- in one image she had rolled her pyjama top up to show a fake belly button piercing - and another lip synching on the bed with a bra visible at the top. She wasn’t posing in underwear like on Only Fans- they were stupidly naive posts. I looked on her tik tok account and many girls her age are doing the same- taking selfies of themselves at home with midriffs out, pouting etc. Yes they were sexualised to an extent but more so in a way of which girls this age think is normal to pose on social media.
If I didn’t check her phone like I do, monitor it or be on the ball with her sneakiness and pass code changes I wouldn’t have known. And I know a lot of parents don’t even do this.

That sounds holistic and comprehensive such an amazing safety net you students are lucky. My dc would not dream of that sort of support. Do you work for a private school or state? I don't know of many schools are that supportive. If any online materials supporting self esteem, books or resources could be shared that would be great. My dc is not in that situation but you never know while they're going through hormonal upheaval and brain development. There is a lot of difficult mental health related behaviour around us though. It seems endemic even with girls who have supportive parents. Has it always been this way?

I think there is some confusion re the sexualised images. She was posing in the mirror on the annoying way girls do these days pouting and curbing their body- in one image she had rolled her pyjama top up to show a fake belly button piercing - and another lip synching on the bed with a bra visible at the top. She wasn’t posing in underwear like on Only Fans- they were stupidly naive posts. I looked on her tik tok account and many girls her age are doing the same- taking selfies of themselves at home with midriffs out, pouting etc. Yes they were sexualised to an extent but more so in a way of which girls this age think is normal to pose on social media.
If I didn’t check her phone like I do, monitor it or be on the ball with her sneakiness and pass code changes I wouldn’t have known. And I know a lot of parents don’t even do this.

What's the point in selecting an age that isn't at all relevant to the post?

Yes too many young girls post this content. It is very normalised on TikTok.

That sounds holistic and comprehensive such an amazing safety net you students are lucky. My dc would not dream of that sort of support. Do you work for a private school or state? I don't know of many schools are that supportive. If any online materials supporting self esteem, books or resources could be shared that would be great. My dc is not in that situation but you never know while they're going through hormonal upheaval and brain development. There is a lot of difficult mental health related behaviour around us though. It seems endemic even with girls who have supportive parents. Has it always been this way?

I think there is some confusion re the sexualised images. She was posing in the mirror on the annoying way girls do these days pouting and curbing their body- in one image she had rolled her pyjama top up to show a fake belly button piercing - and another lip synching on the bed with a bra visible at the top. She wasn’t posing in underwear like on Only Fans- they were stupidly naive posts. I looked on her tik tok account and many girls her age are doing the same- taking selfies of themselves at home with midriffs out, pouting etc. Yes they were sexualised to an extent but more so in a way of which girls this age think is normal to pose on social media.
If I didn’t check her phone like I do, monitor it or be on the ball with her sneakiness and pass code changes I wouldn’t have known. And I know a lot of parents don’t even do this.

You're not completely wrong. In the first instance, this 12 year old girl on here has shared sexualised images, so the police need to be involved. What we usually do then is set up support for such children, who are clearly at risk. We work with different agencies, and support 1-2-1 to work on techniques for better self esteem and mental health. We involve the parents and can refer them for help and support.
It's important that we all work together. I feel sorry for some parents who are just weak and can't cope.

I think there is some confusion re the sexualised images. She was posing in the mirror on the annoying way girls do these days pouting and curbing their body- in one image she had rolled her pyjama top up to show a fake belly button piercing - and another lip synching on the bed with a bra visible at the top. She wasn’t posing in underwear like on Only Fans- they were stupidly naive posts. I looked on her tik tok account and many girls her age are doing the same- taking selfies of themselves at home with midriffs out, pouting etc. Yes they were sexualised to an extent but more so in a way of which girls this age think is normal to pose on social media.
If I didn’t check her phone like I do, monitor it or be on the ball with her sneakiness and pass code changes I wouldn’t have known. And I know a lot of parents don’t even do this.

How do school affect behaviour change with 'boy mad' girls who behave in a risky way? I'd have thought it requires professional counselling. I cant help but think something must be amiss at home but thats probably ignorant, wishful thinking and judgemental. Horrible situation.

It's a very serious safeguarding issue, so we are significantly involved. We also involve the police.

Op said the head knows about the images and is of year is supporting her daughter. dc's school notoriously disinterested in anything to do with phone use outside of school hours, I'm interested what support heads of year give in other better schools?

I wouldn't be dumb enough to let my child have snapchat. I don't have to be a perfect parent to make this decision and understand that the issue with snapchat is precisely that because messages disappear, parents can't monitor useage. Given that snapchat is used for naughty photos for precisely this reason (with naive users thinking that the receiptant can save those images), is a known safeguarding risk thats widely talked about by any school or advice group about online safety and you have a child who you know has been in her bra... This messaging is everywhere.

So yes I think you totally abdicated responsibilty and were stupid to go along with 'well all my friends...' and this is something you still need to address regardless.

Throwing the accusation about me not being perfect is once again you just abdicating your responsibility here. Its not about me. Its making out you were being totally responsible parents in one breathe because you put on phone restrictions and then saying and then we gave her snapchat because she begged us for it and there was peer pressure. Thats INSANE.

I seriously think you'd be wise to do some research into online safety anyway because you've clearly thought that phone controls can do a lot more than they can and lack a LOT of valuable knowledge even if you decide not to give her the phone back in the near future so you can help her navigate this in the future.

You need to accept your role in the situation that has arisen not just blame the device.

That's excellent that you've seen such an improvement, in only a week. Keep going.
Do school know about her sharing sexualised images? You'll need to share that with the SL.

I can honestly say in the 7 days no without a phone the different is huge. I have my daughter back. Yes maybe a bit of attitude here and there but she’s been out and about with me, downstairs watching tv series together, she’s been less stressed. She went to a party Friday without it and said all her friends took photos and videos so she wants her phone back so they can send them, I just said you can see them on their phones? We go away this week and not having the phone then. I think smartphones are causing way more issues than we realise.
and to the idiot above who told me to ‘parent better’ you’re the perfect parent yourself are you??

I can honestly say in the 7 days no without a phone the different is huge. I have my daughter back. Yes maybe a bit of attitude here and there but she’s been out and about with me, downstairs watching tv series together, she’s been less stressed. She went to a party Friday without it and said all her friends took photos and videos so she wants her phone back so they can send them, I just said you can see them on their phones? We go away this week and not having the phone then. I think smartphones are causing way more issues than we realise.
and to the idiot above who told me to ‘parent better’ you’re the perfect parent yourself are you??

I can honestly say in the 7 days no without a phone the different is huge. I have my daughter back. Yes maybe a bit of attitude here and there but she’s been out and about with me, downstairs watching tv series together, she’s been less stressed. She went to a party Friday without it and said all her friends took photos and videos so she wants her phone back so they can send them, I just said you can see them on their phones? We go away this week and not having the phone then. I think smartphones are causing way more issues than we realise.
and to the idiot above who told me to ‘parent better’ you’re the perfect parent yourself are you??