Page 2 | To think he doesn’t need permission to go away?

thinkprint · 2026-05-11T21:51:22+00:00

Been with my DP for several years. We don’t have kids and don’t live together. He recently told me he’s going on a stag weekend in August. I was talking to a friend today and those dates came up, and I mentioned that was the weekend DP would be in Ibiza. My friend looked aghast and asked why I’d said yes when he ‘asked’ to go. I said he didn't ask and I wouldn’t expect him to. She thinks we are showing a ‘lack of respect’ to each other for not asking if we can go away before we decide to do so, and thinks it’s awful he’s going. Am I missing something? AIBU to think he doesn’t need to consult me or ask permission?

user293948849167 · 12/05/2026 20:19

Allseeingallknowing · 12/05/2026 19:19

If they were living together however, ad sharing their lives, I wouldn’t like him going on a stag do because we all know what goes on there and he will bow to peer pressure. There was a thread recently on MN and nearly all the posters were against the husband going on a stag do.

“All know what goes on there” sorry but that’s ridiculous. I know and trust my DH and he doesn’t bow to peer pressure, he’s a grown man in his 40s not a teenager on his first lads holiday.
Either you trust and respect your partner or you don’t, if you do why would you think it’s ok to “not let them” go on a stag do?

user293948849167 · 12/05/2026 20:15

I wouldn’t “ask” my DH of 18 years! I would tell him and discuss if he’d be ok managing everything on those dates so he can put it in his work diary etc, but I wouldn’t be asking permission!

Allseeingallknowing · 12/05/2026 20:03

It’s odd that the other thread on stag dos had the opposite reaction to this one. If some goes on a stag do and get up to all kinds of mischief as a supposedly mature married man, or committed partner that would be the end of the marriage for me. I couldn’t stop someone going , but the fact he’d want to go on one would be a red flag for me!

Sensiblesal · 12/05/2026 19:52

Allseeingallknowing · 12/05/2026 19:19

If they were living together however, ad sharing their lives, I wouldn’t like him going on a stag do because we all know what goes on there and he will bow to peer pressure. There was a thread recently on MN and nearly all the posters were against the husband going on a stag do.

It doesn’t matter if you like it or not. Being controlling over your partner & ‘not letting them’ go away with friends is controlling and bizarre.

love the daily reminder of how anti men mumsnet is

Allseeingallknowing · 12/05/2026 19:27

Whyamiherenow · 12/05/2026 19:23

If he wanted to he would. It’s just a weekend away for a purpose. He’s been to two away stag weekends in the last two ish years. More one overnight ones in local cities.

I dont understand why a stag do would be different to any other occasion.

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Yes, it’s definitely for a purpose!

Allseeingallknowing · 12/05/2026 19:25

Manyleaves · 12/05/2026 19:24

Do we all know what goes on? All the ones I've been aware of recently seem to involve lots of adrenline fuelled sport in remote locations.

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Exactly!

Manyleaves · 12/05/2026 19:24

Allseeingallknowing · 12/05/2026 19:19

If they were living together however, ad sharing their lives, I wouldn’t like him going on a stag do because we all know what goes on there and he will bow to peer pressure. There was a thread recently on MN and nearly all the posters were against the husband going on a stag do.

Do we all know what goes on? All the ones I've been aware of recently seem to involve lots of adrenline fuelled sport in remote locations.

Whyamiherenow · 12/05/2026 19:23

Allseeingallknowing · 12/05/2026 19:20

But would your partner go on a stag do?

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If he wanted to he would. It’s just a weekend away for a purpose. He’s been to two away stag weekends in the last two ish years. More one overnight ones in local cities.

I dont understand why a stag do would be different to any other occasion.

Allseeingallknowing · 12/05/2026 19:22

Lurkingandlearning · 12/05/2026 07:06

She seems to think that he’s off to shag about and that I need to put a stop to it.
Tell her that men who are going to shag about don't need to leave the country to do so.

But they’re much more likely to do so on a stag do abroad. Everyone knows what goes on and they all join in!

Allseeingallknowing · 12/05/2026 19:20

Whyamiherenow · 12/05/2026 18:20

Shock horror. We are married with children. We also don’t ask permission to go away solo.

But would your partner go on a stag do?

Allseeingallknowing · 12/05/2026 19:19

If they were living together however, ad sharing their lives, I wouldn’t like him going on a stag do because we all know what goes on there and he will bow to peer pressure. There was a thread recently on MN and nearly all the posters were against the husband going on a stag do.

PinkEasterbunny · 12/05/2026 19:17

DandelionClockSeeds · 12/05/2026 07:01

"Permission" in this house is checking therefore no clashes, or its not going to cause a massive problem for someone.

The location / people etc aren't part of the equation. Its simple logistics.

Exactly this

Sensiblesal · 12/05/2026 19:13

Its not often you see a post from an absolutely normal person on mumsnet, especially of late.

You are definitely not being unreasonable. He definitely doesn’t need your permission

MsSquiz · 12/05/2026 19:11

I’ve been married for 9 years and we have 2 kids and we still don’t “ask permission” to go away.

we do check our shared calendar and have a chat about it in case anything has been missed or to ensure logistics for the kids can be worked out.

but we never “ask” if we can go away or do something

TherapyTherapy · 12/05/2026 19:09

Well I would have expected to be told before booking thats not asking for permission it’s just decency

MMUmum · 12/05/2026 19:07

thinkprint · 11/05/2026 22:58

She seems to think that he’s off to shag about and that I need to put a stop to it.

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That's her insecurity to deal with, she's projecting it on to you, just ignore her

TwinklySquid · 12/05/2026 18:56

There’s a difference between asking permission and a heads up that they are going to book something and checking there is nothing important going on during those dates.

TwinklySquid · 12/05/2026 18:54

There’s a difference between asking permission and a heads up that they are going to book something and checking there is nothing important going on during those dates.

TwinklySquid · 12/05/2026 18:54

There’s a difference between asking permission and a heads up that they are going to book something and checking there is nothing important going on during those dates.

TwinklySquid · 12/05/2026 18:54

There’s a difference between asking permission and a heads up that they are going to book something and checking there is nothing important going on during those dates.

JJMama · 12/05/2026 18:39

thinkprint · 11/05/2026 22:58

She seems to think that he’s off to shag about and that I need to put a stop to it.

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Crikey, is she always this insecure and paranoid?! Don’t let her issues rub off.

ImogenBrocklehurst · 12/05/2026 18:28

thinkprint · 11/05/2026 22:58

She seems to think that he’s off to shag about and that I need to put a stop to it.

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A telling insight into her own relationship and insecurities, I would say.

Whyamiherenow · 12/05/2026 18:20

Shock horror. We are married with children. We also don’t ask permission to go away solo.

Oncemorewithsome · 12/05/2026 13:10

O think when you have shared responsibilities such as children it’s a different matter. But no, he doesn’t need your permission. But perhaps your friend has different things on her plate and is projecting how she would feel about being left (‘metaphorically or literally) holding the baby?

Bigtrapeze · 12/05/2026 13:08

I don't think he should need your permission to go away. My husband and I live together, have completely shared finances and a teenager, and he would ask if he could go but that would be to check it was okay with childcare/use of budget, and I would always say yes unless I was already away and then we might need to look into childcare options. I would also wholeheartedly endorse him going on a stag do to Ibiza because I trust him entirely and he wouldn't cheat due to peer pressure/sunshine. In my experience men and women can both cheat in any circumstance if they decide to. Keeping them in their home town is no guarantee. OP, you sound very reasonable and your friend does not.