AIBU to feel scared ahead of a Clare's Law disclosure call?

There will always be women here to listen and help if you ever need it OP.

Mind your own business?

How kind of you. You’re all heart 🙄

Sorry?

What the hell?

Just take it slow, OP. Hopefully you're right and there's nothing to worry about, but the fact that he has come to police/social services attention in the past must be a bit of a worry. Just go slowly and don't rush to introduce him to your kids. Let him show you what kind of a man he is before you make any big decisions about him one way or another.

Like others said, we'll still be here for you whichever way things go.

You are not allowed to tell anyone

As the police actually contacted you and made a disclosure, it means they believed there was some relevant concern connected to:

• intimate partners,
• family members,
• coercive or controlling behaviour,
• violence,
• stalking,
• harassment,
• sexual offending,
• or behaviour suggesting risk in relationships.

That doesn’t necessarily mean he was convicted of a serious domestic violence offence but dismissing it as a few daft things in his youth means you’re underplaying what was disclosed. The threshold for disclosure can include:

• repeated allegations,
• police callouts,
• harassment complaints,
• concerning intelligence,
• coercive behaviour patterns,
• stalking,
• breaches of restraining orders,
• threats,
• or violent incidents involving partners/ex-partners.

Sometimes behaviour from years ago can still be disclosed if police think it remains relevant to current risk. Some non-domestic things could also potentially trigger a disclosure call if they suggest danger or safeguarding concerns, like:

• sexual offences against strangers,
• serious violent offences generally,
• weapons offences,
• kidnapping/false imprisonment,
• repeated aggressive behaviour,
• offences showing obsession, intimidation, or predatory behaviour.

But ‘silly’ youthful stupidity like the following wouldn’t lead to disclosure.

• minor drug possession,
• shoplifting,
• drunken antics,
• vandalism,
• random public disorder

So IMO your definition of ‘daft’ behaviour must be quite different to most people’s.

Be careful

In a similar situation. Did a CL application Friday PM, now today (Monday) I have had an email saying they want to do a video call to confirm my identity. Can anyone shed any light on what this could mean? What about the 3 days from me completing the application to them contacting me - does that mean anything? Anyone that can contribute their experience - I would really appreciate it! Thank you

@StarryNight16 that is normal and I’m impressed they are processing quickly. I imagine they haven’t done the search yet and this is just due diligence to check your identity and relationship to the person.

@Levithecat Thank you for your reply. I have no knowledge of this process, so I wasn't sure if it was the norm or whether anyone else's experiences could enlighten me.