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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to feel scared ahead of a Clare's Law disclosure call?

436 replies

Justpickitup · 11/05/2026 16:14

So I did a Clare’s law request on a guy I have been seeing for a few months. I’ve never felt the need to do this before but I just had a gut feeling. He is quite protective and needy. Anyway I did it and now I have to have a video call as they are ready to disclose? I’m really really scared.

OP posts:
Original poster
Justpickitup · 11/05/2026 17:38

plims · 11/05/2026 17:35

Even if there is not disclosure, you would be mad to carry on a relationship with someone who has made you feel like this after just a couple of months.

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I’m being cautious that’s all. You don’t really know anybody to be honest.

OP posts:
Original poster
Justpickitup · 11/05/2026 17:37

plims · 11/05/2026 17:35

Even if there is not disclosure, you would be mad to carry on a relationship with someone who has made you feel like this after just a couple of months.

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He hasn’t hurt me or anything just clingy. I am
doing this for safety of myself and most importantly my children. It exists for this exact reason

OP posts:
Witchandchipsfortea · 11/05/2026 17:35

Well done for doing one, in my opinion everyone should do one with a new partner. I recently did one and the officer said he wished everyone did one every time. Hope you get some sleep tonight.

plims · 11/05/2026 17:35

Justpickitup · 11/05/2026 17:32

Just something off that I needed to check on, I couldn’t put my finger on it so I thought it was the best thing to do.

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Even if there is not disclosure, you would be mad to carry on a relationship with someone who has made you feel like this after just a couple of months.

Original poster
Justpickitup · 11/05/2026 17:33

plims · 11/05/2026 17:27

Yes they would.

Why are you still with this man if you are this concerned about him? You’ve only been dating him for a few months.

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Obviously some people don’t wait until they are killed before they are concerned. It’s best to check these things if you have a feeling. Better safe than sorry.

OP posts:
Original poster
Justpickitup · 11/05/2026 17:32

plims · 11/05/2026 17:29

A gut feeling about what? That he is potentially an abuser?

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Just something off that I needed to check on, I couldn’t put my finger on it so I thought it was the best thing to do.

OP posts:
plims · 11/05/2026 17:29

Justpickitup · 11/05/2026 17:28

As the relationship has gone on he has toned down a lot but I just had a gut feeling so I followed it.

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A gut feeling about what? That he is potentially an abuser?

Swiftie1878 · 11/05/2026 17:29

Good luck for tomorrow. And whatever the news, stay cautious for yourself, but mostly for your kids!

Original poster
Justpickitup · 11/05/2026 17:28

plims · 11/05/2026 17:27

Yes they would.

Why are you still with this man if you are this concerned about him? You’ve only been dating him for a few months.

Show quote history

As the relationship has gone on he has toned down a lot but I just had a gut feeling so I followed it.

OP posts:
plims · 11/05/2026 17:27

Justpickitup · 11/05/2026 17:25

Would they send that email though if there was nothing to disclose?

Yes they would.

Why are you still with this man if you are this concerned about him? You’ve only been dating him for a few months.

Original poster
Justpickitup · 11/05/2026 17:26

OrlandointheWilderness · 11/05/2026 17:02

I hope it isn’t too bad for you OP. Are there things that made you feel you needed to do the request?

Just really overly clingy and intense messaging etc, he had calmed down a bit after I raised the issue. We are still together as I actually put it to the back of my mind but if it is bad news I will end it for the sake of
my children

OP posts:
Stoicandhappy · 11/05/2026 17:25

What made you put the application in?

Original poster
Justpickitup · 11/05/2026 17:25

Would they send that email though if there was nothing to disclose?

OP posts:
rosie1873 · 11/05/2026 17:22

Justpickitup · 11/05/2026 16:14

So I did a Clare’s law request on a guy I have been seeing for a few months. I’ve never felt the need to do this before but I just had a gut feeling. He is quite protective and needy. Anyway I did it and now I have to have a video call as they are ready to disclose? I’m really really scared.

As the saying goes , "Better Safe than Sorry"

Wishing you the best.

Original poster
Justpickitup · 11/05/2026 17:18

beadystar · 11/05/2026 17:10

Well done for doing this. There might be nothing to disclose, but trusting the gut suggests otherwise. Are you safe until you hear the results?

I am yes

OP posts:
beadystar · 11/05/2026 17:10

Well done for doing this. There might be nothing to disclose, but trusting the gut suggests otherwise. Are you safe until you hear the results?

Sidebeforeself · 11/05/2026 17:07

Why do you think the fact that they asked you to show your ID is significant? They just need to ensure they are sharing the information with the correct person. This is true even if there is nothing to share.

TheSquareMile · 11/05/2026 17:04

What kind of aspects have worried you, OP?

It doesn't sound as though he is a good match for you regardless of the outcome tomorrow.

OrlandointheWilderness · 11/05/2026 17:02

I hope it isn’t too bad for you OP. Are there things that made you feel you needed to do the request?

plims · 11/05/2026 17:02

Why is he still your partner if you are concerned enough to do a Clare’s Law application?

plims · 11/05/2026 17:00

I had a call like this, OP. There was nothing to disclose. There’s a chance that this is the case here.

Retro12 · 11/05/2026 16:58

I was shocked by what I learned, but I was so pleased I found out sooner rather than later, don't be worried - Are you still seeing the guy?

hurtandconflicted · 11/05/2026 16:56

you have absolutely done the right thing and from the email it seems like they have something to share. My 18 year old DD did one recently and although he didn’t have any convictions they shared some details regarding an allegation made about him so that she could decide to continue seeing him or not. It was a hard no from her and hopefully if they share something it will be the same for you. Try not to worry

TheSquareMile · 11/05/2026 16:54

Justpickitup · 11/05/2026 16:14

So I did a Clare’s law request on a guy I have been seeing for a few months. I’ve never felt the need to do this before but I just had a gut feeling. He is quite protective and needy. Anyway I did it and now I have to have a video call as they are ready to disclose? I’m really really scared.

I think that responding via video call is an option some Police forces have when dealing with issues of this kind, OP.

It may be that they have processed the request and not found anything, but want to give you the opportunity to explain in privacy what led to your concern. Doing it this way allows you to discuss your worries without the person you are worried about knowing.

Original poster
Justpickitup · 11/05/2026 16:40

Lulu89x · 11/05/2026 16:36

Well done for making the application. Goodluck. Whatever the outcome is, please consider it carefully. There was a reason why you have requested this and you should trust your gut.
The last guy I dated appeared amazing but a little controlling and possessive. Turns out he stripped and beat his ex wife. She fled back to her home country and he convinced her to drop the case against him. They told me what he was accused of and the result was no further action. I was stupid and believed his story that he caught her cheating. My karma was he ended up hitting me too.

yes my new partner said he was cheated on too. I can speculate all I like but I won’t know anything until tomorrow

OP posts: