Page 14 | AIBU to feel scared ahead of a Clare's Law disclosure call?

Justpickitup · 2026-05-11T15:14:02+00:00

So I did a Clare’s law request on a guy I have been seeing for a few months. I’ve never felt the need to do this before but I just had a gut feeling. He is quite protective and needy. Anyway I did it and now I have to have a video call as they are ready to disclose? I’m really really scared.

IMightNotGoToWorkTodayIMightNotGoAgainTomorrow · 12/05/2026 08:51

Justpickitup · 12/05/2026 08:36

Yes I completely understand that and i suppose it’s a good thing that they want to keep us safe.

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It is and it's not something to worry about either - which was my main point.

Basically, some women are so lonely, desperate to not be single/have a partner that they are incapable of prioritising children's needs.over their/a man's wants.

Some have such low self esteem that they are vulnerable to manipulation or feel they have no choice to accept a man like that because a) they don't think they could do any better b) they know no one else would want him.

Some women are so desperate to prove to the man that they trust him that they will put the children in a vulnerable situation in order to do so.

They'll want to make sure you're not one of those women. They won't have any concerns at all about a woman who dated a man, did a check before introducing him to her children and ended it when it turned out he was a wrong'un.

You'll be fine and good luck.

Waitingforthesunnydays · 12/05/2026 08:50

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What was the disclosure? (If you feel comfortable sharing of course) Must’ve been something pretty serious for all that SS involvement. Did your mum carry on seeing him?

Pinknotpurple · 12/05/2026 08:49

Oh my goodness, never ever feel bad about making sure your children are safe. You put them first and were right to do so xxx

Original poster

Justpickitup · 12/05/2026 08:47

I do really like this guy and it has been 3 years since I dated. I actually now feel quite guilty about the whole thing.

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Original poster

Justpickitup · 12/05/2026 08:47

plims · 12/05/2026 08:39

SS will probably want to double check why you made the Clare’s Law application.

Yes and I will tell them exactly why I did it. I think my reasons are absolutely understandable. If he had a history of domestic violence and I didn’t know about it I would never forgive myself.

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Justpickitup · 12/05/2026 08:45

GalaGown · 12/05/2026 08:40

Even if there was nothing to report, I would be ending this. I find clingy behaviour so off putting. It ends up being controlling, albeit indirectly. I find it stifling and unattractive. Do you like him enough to tolerate it?

He has really toned it down, honestly he hasn’t done anything at all wrong. My family just mentioned had I checked him out so something in my gut made me do it. I was just being over cautious.

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XMissPlacedX · 12/05/2026 08:44

How are you feeling this morning OP?

GalaGown · 12/05/2026 08:40

Even if there was nothing to report, I would be ending this. I find clingy behaviour so off putting. It ends up being controlling, albeit indirectly. I find it stifling and unattractive. Do you like him enough to tolerate it?

PumpkinsAndCoconuts · 12/05/2026 08:39

Justpickitup · 11/05/2026 17:33

Obviously some people don’t wait until they are killed before they are concerned. It’s best to check these things if you have a feeling. Better safe than sorry.

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Absolutely! That’s what Clare‘s Law is for. It’s good that you’re trusting your gut. There’s just one thing I would like to add:

You have the right to end this relationship for any reason. Even if there’s nothing to disclose / this man does not have a previous history of abuse or violence. Prioritise yourself and your DC!

plims · 12/05/2026 08:39

SS will probably want to double check why you made the Clare’s Law application.

Original poster

Justpickitup · 12/05/2026 08:36

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Yes I completely understand that and i suppose it’s a good thing that they want to keep us safe.

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IMightNotGoToWorkTodayIMightNotGoAgainTomorrow · 12/05/2026 08:34

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Original poster

Justpickitup · 12/05/2026 08:34

And they said they report every clares law to SS so they might just give me a call and that will be it.

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Original poster

Justpickitup · 12/05/2026 08:34

plims · 12/05/2026 08:33

This doesn’t make sense. Why would they report if there was nothing to disclose?

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they just needed to make sure they was giving the I formation to the right person.

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plims · 12/05/2026 08:33

Justpickitup · 12/05/2026 08:32

There wasn’t anything to disclose. I am
torn between thinking he is really invested and just wants to make it work etc. I did it for peace of mind for my children, I never thought I would do it but the thought of introducing somebody to my kids without knowing their history seems odd to me.

This doesn’t make sense. Why would they report if there was nothing to disclose?

Original poster

Justpickitup · 12/05/2026 08:32

There wasn’t anything to disclose. I am
torn between thinking he is really invested and just wants to make it work etc. I did it for peace of mind for my children, I never thought I would do it but the thought of introducing somebody to my kids without knowing their history seems odd to me.

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throwawayimplantchat · 12/05/2026 08:27

Justpickitup · 12/05/2026 08:09

I’m just a bit worried that they Inform social services as everything I did was to make sure I was protecting them.

But if you’re ending the relationship (I presume something was disclosed to you about his history) then they won’t have concerns, will they?

Or are you going to keep dating him regardless?

NewDogOwner · 12/05/2026 08:23

Are you OK? You did the right thing to always trust your gut no matter if the call was to say there was no information to report. You are being a sensible mother.

Jackiepumpkinhead · 12/05/2026 08:23

Sounds like you’ll carry on with the relationship if the police don’t disclose anything. I really wish people would listen to their gut. Your first instinct is usually right, he doesn’t need a police record to be a bad partner.

ReadySaltedSquares · 12/05/2026 08:22

I hope you’re ok OP, and can detach yourself quickly but safely x

BarbiesDreamHome · 12/05/2026 08:21

These are red flags because you were married 20 years, so you're at least mid thirties so any man you're dating should also be old enough to know better because those are behaviours you'd only really expect from a teenager figuring out normal behaviour. Any older (or a teen not learning) and it's problematic warning behaviour.

He shoud know better. I think he's invested in you, let the mask slip a little, and promised to change to keep reeling you in so you think you have a good guy thst needed a gentle hand to guide him but your gut is worries about you.

ItsPickleRick · 12/05/2026 08:17

I assume that you were told some things about his history on the call and your instinct was correct?

If so, are you able to end the relationship safely and have the police offered support to do this?

Social services won’t take any action, you are protecting your children by ending the relationship. It would only become a concern if you stayed in the relationship knowing his history and he was around your children.

I hope you’re ok.

BridgetJonesV2 · 12/05/2026 08:15

So now you know you need to end things. If SS see that you've taken that action, you'll have nothing to worry about.

plims · 12/05/2026 08:14

They probably will report, but SS won’t take any action if they’re happy you’re doing the right thing. They will want to make sure he isn’t having contact with your dc.

PollyBell · 12/05/2026 08:13

If you were that suspicious to start why on earth does it matter what it says it is over now so move on amd focus on your children