AIBU to feel scared ahead of a Clare's Law disclosure call?

Do you mean Sarah’s Law?

Please if nothing comes back today, considered the fact you feel the need to do it in the first place. He’s shown you something to make you worry. No evidence back doesn’t mean he doesn’t have form just that he hasn’t been reported. I wish you well in this whole thing.

I just wanted to add that I did a Claire’s law request on my husband. Not because there were red flags but because my relationship before him was abusive and I needed to know. My IDVA worker recommended I do one on future men because my past choice in relationships was so poor, and abusers specifically seek out vulnerable women. If I didn’t marry him I would proceed to do one on every man I met. If I did one on my previous ex’s it would have saved me years of abuse.

They made me an appointment at the local police station and I was shitting myself. They rang me to discuss it and my relationship before the appointment and told me to go in with ID. I went down and they made me sign something saying there was nothing to disclose! I’m not saying this will be the same for you but this was my story. I honestly thought if there was nothing to disclose it would be over the phone but I guess each station is different. My appointment was 4 days after the phone call and I spent 4 days so incredibly worried. I don’t regret doing the Claire’s law though and would encourage all women to do it.

@Jackson8x you might be on the wrong thread.

That really help info, OP. You haven’t made the correct application to safeguard your children. You need to do that first before making any decisions.

dont be too scared. Clare’s law have to advise you even if things have been nfa’d

Unless they directly and explicitly told you that when you made the Clare's Law enquiry, you are wrong.

The rules around disclosure are very tight under Sarah's Law and it's an entirely separate law. Disclosures (under Sarah's Law at least) are protected under GDPR.

If you enquire under Sarah's Law, you can get one of four results (as explained to us at the time).

No disclosure.

Nothing at all on record.

There is something on record but they won't tell you any details at all.

Partial disclosure - they will tell you the basics but no details.

I forget exactly what the different criteria were for each bit it's basically, there is a conviction but your child is not considered at risk due to their exact age, sex when considered in relation to the nature of the conviction.

ETA: we were told that there is something on the record but we won't disclose anymore than that means literally that. They will tell you they have found 'something' but nothing more than that. The partial disclose was, I think, the 'name' of the conviction and under which law but no further details and just, "Your child is not of an age/sex to be considered at direct risk."

Full disclosure.

All the details because your child could be affected now or in the near future.

It's possible someone could speak to an officer who might take a risk and suggest they do a Sarah's Law too if they've found something and want to give a heads up but they couldn't disclose directly.

One is processed by the DA dept and the other by the CP dept. Completely different police officers, completely different Law.

Even under Sarah's Law, you don't have an automatic right to know the details. They are not just going to drop it in to a Clare's Law 'nothing to disclose' as an, "Oh, by the way..." anymore than they would have told us about a domestic abuse conviction.

It's very tightly protected and regulated.

You’ve definitely done the right thing - just wait it out now - keep busy!

She replied to your post where you said “I’m being cautious that’s all. You don’t really know anybody to be honest.”

No said cautious OP - the poster was quoting you!

You are ignoring the concerns that you had that made you feel like something was “off”.

You appear to be trying to pretend that you did this purely as a routine check. But that’s not what you said earlier in the thread and you have to have a concern to make a Clare’s Law request and would have had to share that with the police.

The fact that you are now minimising this is really concerning. Listen to what your gut was telling you and take steps to protect your children.

You're being the very opposite of cautious! Being cautious would have meant dumping him much earlier.

Hi OP

Glad you got the reassurance you needed today and I agree with the PPs who have said it was a good thing that you listened to your gut and requested the disclosure.

If SS do ask you questions, from my (indirect but close) experience I would be confident that they would see you as what they call a "protective factor", as you sought the disclosure to ensure the safety of your children.

I can see why some posters are confused by your stance on things, saying that he has done "nothing wrong". He obviously did do something, because that was what prompted you to request the disclosure. You would have had to justify this to the police when you requested it (as there has to be a reason, otherwise it would be a huge drain on their resources) so it's a little disinenguous to now be minimising the concerns you had at the beginning of the relationship.

It sounds like you feel that you can move forward from here - and that you can positively advocate for yourself and your children if his behaviour begins to feel stifling again. It might be that he has relaxed his clinginess, or it may also be that you have adjusted your behaviour in ways that doesn't set him off anymore. It's a very new relationship and hopefully you will keep you eyes open and your wits about you.

I agree.

It's interesting that the OP is focusing now on him being safe around her children.

Yet, she didn't do a Sarah's Law check on him.

Which is the one that could arguably be more relevant to her children's direct and personal safety.

I think you are being so naive, OP. You clearly said that something about him felt “off”, you seem to now being willing to ignore that, despite the fact that all you now know is that he has never been reported to the police.

You would have had to share your concerns when making a request under Clare’s Law. What concern was it that you shared?

You can’t just brush this under the carpet. Depending on what concern it was that you shared with the police, SS will want to talk to you about it.

RTFT

I'm glad you feel reassured. I'm just going to leave you with this.

I work in a regulated profession that requires us to have enhanced DBS clearance. These checks are really just the equivalent of these.

Every single one of us is aware though that it only guarantees we and our colleagues have never been convicted of anything.

Every doctor, teacher, nurse, etc who has been found guilty of a sexual or violent offence in recent years has also had a clean enhanced DBS certificate and no (relevant) criminal record.

This doesn't guarantee he is any more safe than he was before you had the call. It only means they have nothing on record for him.

Don't be so reassured by the 'nothing to disclose' that you stop using your own instincts.

That's all.

I think you did the right thing, you wanted to be better safe than sorry not only for yourself but also for your children, as you should. I’m sure SS won’t have any issues with that. I’m glad that it all worked out ok. Enjoy your relationship if it feels right!