AIBU to feel scared ahead of a Clare's Law disclosure call?

@Levithecat Thank you for your reply. I have no knowledge of this process, so I wasn't sure if it was the norm or whether anyone else's experiences could enlighten me.

@StarryNight16 that is normal and I’m impressed they are processing quickly. I imagine they haven’t done the search yet and this is just due diligence to check your identity and relationship to the person.

In a similar situation. Did a CL application Friday PM, now today (Monday) I have had an email saying they want to do a video call to confirm my identity. Can anyone shed any light on what this could mean? What about the 3 days from me completing the application to them contacting me - does that mean anything? Anyone that can contribute their experience - I would really appreciate it! Thank you

As the police actually contacted you and made a disclosure, it means they believed there was some relevant concern connected to:

• intimate partners,
• family members,
• coercive or controlling behaviour,
• violence,
• stalking,
• harassment,
• sexual offending,
• or behaviour suggesting risk in relationships.

That doesn’t necessarily mean he was convicted of a serious domestic violence offence but dismissing it as a few daft things in his youth means you’re underplaying what was disclosed. The threshold for disclosure can include:

• repeated allegations,
• police callouts,
• harassment complaints,
• concerning intelligence,
• coercive behaviour patterns,
• stalking,
• breaches of restraining orders,
• threats,
• or violent incidents involving partners/ex-partners.

Sometimes behaviour from years ago can still be disclosed if police think it remains relevant to current risk. Some non-domestic things could also potentially trigger a disclosure call if they suggest danger or safeguarding concerns, like:

• sexual offences against strangers,
• serious violent offences generally,
• weapons offences,
• kidnapping/false imprisonment,
• repeated aggressive behaviour,
• offences showing obsession, intimidation, or predatory behaviour.

But ‘silly’ youthful stupidity like the following wouldn’t lead to disclosure.

• minor drug possession,
• shoplifting,
• drunken antics,
• vandalism,
• random public disorder

So IMO your definition of ‘daft’ behaviour must be quite different to most people’s.

Be careful

You are not allowed to tell anyone

Just take it slow, OP. Hopefully you're right and there's nothing to worry about, but the fact that he has come to police/social services attention in the past must be a bit of a worry. Just go slowly and don't rush to introduce him to your kids. Let him show you what kind of a man he is before you make any big decisions about him one way or another.

Like others said, we'll still be here for you whichever way things go.

What the hell?

Sorry?

How kind of you. You’re all heart 🙄

Mind your own business?

There will always be women here to listen and help if you ever need it OP.

I hope you're right and not minimising and that in a years time you're not back telling us what has gone wrong. But if it does, we'll still support you..

Glad the call went well. What do you mean by ‘daft things’ though??

It is exactly for the reason that Clare's law exists! It IS to screen people that could potentially could be dangerous. Don't downplay something so serious that women lose their lives to everyday-and what Clare's family have fought for in her name.

Im also doing this for the first time.
I have been in a couple of bad relationships, and dont completely trust my judgement anymore.
I will be, doing one whenever i get a new partner from now on.

People saying "why are u still with him if u feel the need to get a report"... it doesnt make sense to me that people are saying this.
Let's normalise women AND men applying for this even when things feel amazing.

The police told me it's not used enough, they want people to use it more. Family or friends can use it for anyone they're worried about. I'm in Scotland so it's called a disclosure up here. It combine Claire's and Sarah's laws. It's better to do it earlier as it's easier to get out. That's my advice anyway. I think they only need a name and address.

They told he was arrested for hurting someone, and read out what he'd done, but not charged. They couldn't tell me if it male or female, but the city told me enough to put the pieces together that it was likely his ex.

Im so glad you ended it. Talking about taking your children to give you a break weeks in is horrifying.

@FrogLion are you able to tell us what the police said about the man? For example, is it convictions or just police reports that people have made against him for say stalking or DV?

I did this. They came to my house to tell me in person. I had to sign a non disclosure. It made real what he'd already told me, but in more detail. But having the police tell you is different. I ended it straight away and blocked him. It was tough because it was going so well, but in hindsight he was totally love bombing me, talking about cars and houses, when he didn't even drive. I asked myself what advice would I give to a friend, and since it'd only been a few weeks, I ended it. I asked for the disclosure because he kept talking about meeting my kids and going on family holidays, and taking them to give me a break. Seemed too much so early on. That was the red flag for me. I totally missed the love bombing at the time. Good luck whatever you decide to do.

I read this thread the other day and what stuck out to me was the OP saying that in future relationships she will use claires law.
So it means OP isn't seeing this person as long term. So it really is an abuse of power if you dont see your partner as a long time relationship

Correct. I was responding to this:

The batshittery of posters telling OP that she shouldn’t have done the Clare’s Law request.

What you have said there and what I was replying to are different things.

It would be pity if this kind of nitpicking was going to derail the thread into something it didn't need to be. It's a serious discussion and there is no need for it from grown adults.

A good number of posters told OP she shouldn't use Claire's law as a blanket screening on anyone she's dating and she shouldn't have done a Claire's law if she wasn't prepared to break up with him even though nothing was shared.

Yes, you …