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AIBU?

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AIBU to be upset after my partner swore at me

112 replies

Blendedmum101 · 11/05/2026 13:53

Please help I’ve had a massive argument with my partner and I need advice on what to do next and if I’m being totally insane…

so this morning I’m in bed and my partner gets up goes to the toilet and our 2 year old starts to wake up, he comes back in gets changed and goes downstairs and she starts to cry.. I get up and say from the top of the stairs can you take her down she’s up, and he says oh I’m about to do the food shop, I said I don’t want to get up at 6:20am so he comes upstairs puts his middle finger up at me and says I’m taking the piss.

for context I’m not a huge morning person I usually get up 7/7:30 for work he tends to get up earlier but goes to bed a lot earlier, today I started work at 8am and he starts at 1:30 so my logic is A- food shop does not need to be done at 6:20 what is the rush with that we haven’t even done a list I would have gone to bed earlier if I’d known. B - he has told me multiple times he doesn’t mind I don’t get up at 6am etc it’s not hugely often the baby is up she takes after me. C - he doesn’t start till 1:30 every day this week so has plenty of time to himself and can sleep etc whereas I cannot do that as ill be doing the evening myself etc whilst he is at work.

after he’s sworn at me I’ve then got up and have said I don’t think he should swear at me his response is I’m too precious??? He’s then done the food shop and gone back to bed, by which point I’ve said excuse me why are you asleep when you’ve just made me get up how is that fair?

By then all hell breaks loose and i find im not in control anymore and telling him to leave and we shouldn’t be together. I also threw his clothes and things on the floor - I think I have anger problems that I need to address and I feel stupid for doing that. I have said to him im sorry about that and tried to say about the swearing but he has said he isn’t sorry and doesn’t think it’s bad. Sometimes the swearing at me doesn’t bother me but today it really has it makes me question if im with a bad person or emotional abuser which i think is why i dont like it it makes me start to spiral and worry. But he’s saying im completely over reacting, even if i am over reacting though can i not be upset about it. I feel really confused and im hoping for clarity.

OP posts:
Blendedmum101 · 11/05/2026 15:29

Megifer · 11/05/2026 15:26

Again i didnt misread. This is what i wrote:

" I wouldnt have been impressed at all if my DP shouted at me to sort our DC out at 6.20am if I did have the food shop to do and work later on and he was WFH at 8am. Do you even do anything in the mornings to get general daily life sorted? 🤣"

Oh I misread sorry!

OP posts:
Megifer · 11/05/2026 15:26

Blendedmum101 · 11/05/2026 15:22

if I did have the food shop to do and work later on and he was WFH at 8am.

this is the bit I think you misread as you put he was wfh at 8am but that’s me that is working from home at 8am

Again i didnt misread. This is what i wrote:

" I wouldnt have been impressed at all if my DP shouted at me to sort our DC out at 6.20am if I did have the food shop to do and work later on and he was WFH at 8am. Do you even do anything in the mornings to get general daily life sorted? 🤣"

Devilsmommy · 11/05/2026 15:26

Blendedmum101 · 11/05/2026 15:19

Think that’s a bit of an over reaction to a middle finger

😒 I never normally side with the man but reading all your posts you can just see you're hard fucking work

Blendedmum101 · 11/05/2026 15:22

Blendedmum101 · 11/05/2026 15:14

I’m just trying to respond to the questions as best I can!

I agree I’ve over reacted I just feel I’m not the only one who has I guess.

if I did have the food shop to do and work later on and he was WFH at 8am.

this is the bit I think you misread as you put he was wfh at 8am but that’s me that is working from home at 8am

OP posts:
Blendedmum101 · 11/05/2026 15:19

Devilsmommy · 11/05/2026 15:10

And there's another completely out of proportion response from you. Starting to feel sorry for your DH if you're like that a lot

Think that’s a bit of an over reaction to a middle finger

OP posts:
Blendedmum101 · 11/05/2026 15:14

Megifer · 11/05/2026 15:11

Yet in an earlier post you said "I’m up at 7 I don’t leave until 8:30 to go to work, it’s a bit of a rush. Today I work from home so I’d usually get up more towards 7:30"

So realistically you had to get out of bed a whole 30 mins earlier than you wanted, and that caused you to overreact, even though you say its rare she is up before 7am, and you can get up then?

Could it be your contrariness thats starting to wind him up? Genuine q.

I’m just trying to respond to the questions as best I can!

I agree I’ve over reacted I just feel I’m not the only one who has I guess.

OP posts:
Megifer · 11/05/2026 15:11

Blendedmum101 · 11/05/2026 15:00

its Quite simple -

I am up at 7 on Monday because I start work from home at 8

7:30 every other day because I start at 9 and leave around 8:30/8:45

my daughter is rarely up before 7.

partner is out from 6:30 most mornings for work so I am up with her aside from 1 week per month where he works 1:30 - 10

I hope that clarifies your confusion

Yet in an earlier post you said "I’m up at 7 I don’t leave until 8:30 to go to work, it’s a bit of a rush. Today I work from home so I’d usually get up more towards 7:30"

So realistically you had to get out of bed a whole 30 mins earlier than you wanted, and that caused you to overreact, even though you say its rare she is up before 7am, and you can get up then?

Could it be your contrariness thats starting to wind him up? Genuine q.

Blendedmum101 · 11/05/2026 15:11

Cherry8809 · 11/05/2026 14:41

This.

You sound painfully immature.
You’re not a morning person? Well, guess what, you have a child and you’re going to have to learn to get your arse up.

He at least took the initiative to go out and do the food shopping (which you also benefit from), while you wanted to laze around in bed. The fact you stood at the top of the stairs asking him to take her down says everything - you couldn’t even manage to walk down the stairs.

that’s his daughter too and I’ll be doing every evening etc this week and do the majority of everything anyway. I just think he should pull his weight and give me a break when I ask for one as I do him.

him doing a food shop could have been done at any other time I ended up ordering the stuff for me and the kids anyway as he had no list and no idea what we needed.

OP posts:
Devilsmommy · 11/05/2026 15:10

Blendedmum101 · 11/05/2026 15:07

🖕🏼

And there's another completely out of proportion response from you. Starting to feel sorry for your DH if you're like that a lot

Blendedmum101 · 11/05/2026 15:07

Devilsmommy · 11/05/2026 15:04

Jesus Christ I thought you were going to say he'd called you a cunt or something like that. You completely overreacted to a middle finger.

🖕🏼

OP posts:
Blendedmum101 · 11/05/2026 15:06

takealettermsjones · 11/05/2026 15:03

But how do you get up at 7:30 and get your daughter to the childminder at 8 when your partner is already out at work?? Plus sort out your other two kids?

If she’s up earlier than I will get up with her so I’m probably exaggerating and giving the latest example of when me and her get up but the child minder lives two minutes away and I will sometimes take her a bit later than 8 if needs must.

the other two boys are older year 5 and year 7 I just support them really with things most they can do themselves. Or I’ve done the night before.

OP posts:
Devilsmommy · 11/05/2026 15:04

Jesus Christ I thought you were going to say he'd called you a cunt or something like that. You completely overreacted to a middle finger.

takealettermsjones · 11/05/2026 15:03

Blendedmum101 · 11/05/2026 15:00

its Quite simple -

I am up at 7 on Monday because I start work from home at 8

7:30 every other day because I start at 9 and leave around 8:30/8:45

my daughter is rarely up before 7.

partner is out from 6:30 most mornings for work so I am up with her aside from 1 week per month where he works 1:30 - 10

I hope that clarifies your confusion

But how do you get up at 7:30 and get your daughter to the childminder at 8 when your partner is already out at work?? Plus sort out your other two kids?

Blendedmum101 · 11/05/2026 15:00

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its Quite simple -

I am up at 7 on Monday because I start work from home at 8

7:30 every other day because I start at 9 and leave around 8:30/8:45

my daughter is rarely up before 7.

partner is out from 6:30 most mornings for work so I am up with her aside from 1 week per month where he works 1:30 - 10

I hope that clarifies your confusion

OP posts:
DuskOPorter · 11/05/2026 15:00

Are you the person who does the evening before prep or does he? That has to be considered too as it makes the morning routine much easier if bags are packed, sports kits are out and lunches made the evening before.

I’m not as convinced as others than a 6:20 plan to go to the shops in the middle of the morning routine was necessary - it absolutely would not fly here when our kids were those ages.

Megifer · 11/05/2026 14:58

Blendedmum101 · 11/05/2026 14:52

I think you have misread lol he didn’t have work till 1:30 not sure why he was up so early I had work at 8am from home.. I wanted to get up at 7. Again the food shop was not an urgent task that needed to be done at 6am and were not rushed in the mornings

No i didnt misread.

Did you mis type when you said "Today I work from home so I’d usually get up more towards 7:30"?

In an earlier post you also said its all a bit of a rush. Now it"s you're not rushed in the mornings?

I can potentially see why hes frustrated generally and tbf its very rare i'll stick up for a man.

Blendedmum101 · 11/05/2026 14:58

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Thank you - I have seen a therapist on and off and will be addressing my side of things for sure!

OP posts:
Blendedmum101 · 11/05/2026 14:57

TherapistInATabard · 11/05/2026 14:54

You said it doesn’t normally bother you - do you mean he often aggressively swears at you?

He swears a lot which is something I have asked him not to do, especially around the children as I don’t agree with it. He does have an issue with getting frustrated and being quite rude I would say and sometimes I can manage it and other times a switch goes off I’d say.

OP posts:
Fullofcorn · 11/05/2026 14:55

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Fullofcorn · 11/05/2026 14:54

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Blendedmum101 · 11/05/2026 14:54

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Usually he is at work so I just get up it’s one week a month he is on a later shift pattern and is around then in the mornings but not the evenings

OP posts:
TherapistInATabard · 11/05/2026 14:54

You said it doesn’t normally bother you - do you mean he often aggressively swears at you?

Blendedmum101 · 11/05/2026 14:52

Megifer · 11/05/2026 14:50

Aside from anything else you either need to get to bed earlier so you can be less hectic and grumpy in the mornings, or go to the GP to get checked out.

It really is infuriating when your partner lazes around in bed until the last minute then everything is a rush, they are moody etc.

I wouldnt have been impressed at all if my DP shouted at me to sort our DC out at 6.20am if I did have the food shop to do and work later on and he was WFH at 8am. Do you even do anything in the mornings to get general daily life sorted? 🤣

I think you have misread lol he didn’t have work till 1:30 not sure why he was up so early I had work at 8am from home.. I wanted to get up at 7. Again the food shop was not an urgent task that needed to be done at 6am and were not rushed in the mornings

OP posts:
gamerchick · 11/05/2026 14:51

I used to think I was an angry person once, when I was with my ex.

Turns out I'm not. I didn't see it until I'd got rid of him.

Blendedmum101 · 11/05/2026 14:50

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i work from home when I start at 8 - so I get up at 7 on those days unless baby is up earlier which is rare. My other children are year 5 and 7 so I help them to a point like I make there breakfast and usually get my year 5 clothes out if he’s sluggish the childminder lives a 2 minute walk away.. we’re just a well oiled machine in the morning. I have been this way as long as I have lived I’ve learned what I can prep the night before etc it’s just efficient

OP posts: