AIBU to ask if we can legally request copies of childhood photos?

No legal basis unfortunately. We do not "own our own image" except in select circumstances for example when images are copyright. Otherwise they are "owned" by the person who took them (or bought them in terms of hard copy school photos).

Why does she want to spend time with DH? That sounds very odd. I agree it sounds like a way of keeping control over her son and your husband.

If he won't meet her I wonder if the next thing will be an offer to sell (some) of the items.

Does DSS have grandparents or family friends who might have some photos?

@EmeraldShamrock000 The OP says that she has substance abuse issues and that may be why her DH is only willing to meet her in a public space. She may be volatile and make accusations if he doesn't agree to whatever she asks for (probably money if she has a habit). It's a very sad situation.

Are you sure that your DH didn’t know or suspect there was a pregnancy? Why is afraid to meet her one on one? Surely there is a story behind the photographs, he should go to see her. A lot of time has passed.

I should add - it sounds like you and your DH have treated his DS very well and he's hugely lucky to be in contact with you. Well done on that.

She spent her money raising him without help and I think she should get something

No. She could have told him he had a child and asked for maintenance then. Maybe she’s worse off financially than she would have been. But her child is worse off in a far more significant way. As is OP’s husband.

Only a small point, but if the certificates he is missing are GCSE/A Level/vocational qualifications, he might still be able to get duplicates from the relevant exam boards. If he can't remember which boards he sat, I would imagine his school/college might be able to help as he didn't leave very long ago.
Again, if his birth certificate is being kept, you can get a duplicate. If the mother has also retained his passport and/or driving licence, I would think about applying for new ones now on the basis that they are lost. An application for a replacement passport would probably take longer than a regular one, and he might need this urgently in the future if he wants to go abroad at short notice.

I think your DH is doing the right thing by refusing to meet her at home - she sounds dangerous and he shouldn't risk anything. There's no legal way to get the photos - they aren't official documents and have no legal value. The DS might have a legal recourse to get his birth cert etc if she's holding those hostage - I'm not sure what exactly he can do but I'm sure there must be a way to get her to release them or to have them reissued if possible.

It sounds like your best bet is to cut all ties with her and walk away.

Call me cynical but if she has substance abuse issues and suddenly wants to claim back dated child maintenance it sounds like she has run out of funds for her habit and thought throwing ds at your dh was a quick route to some ready cash.
Either way, I wouldn't stress over the photos and I absolutely wouldn't meet her alone for any reason, the fact she is so desperate to meet alone in private screams set up to me.

Photos mean nothing, he needs to work on building a relationship with his son.

DS should be able to get anything which is legally his property- I think his school work belongs to him but not photos taken by his Mum.

You can't backdate CMS.

About the backdated maintenance. She spent her money raising him without help and I think she should get something.

@outerspacepotato That's a tricky one, because it sounds as if she intentionally concealed her son's paternity for 20 years. If she wanted maintenance, why didn't she tell the OP's DH about their son years ago?
It sounds as if she's always known that he was the father. Strange behavior on her part tbh.

Why should she get help now??? Not all
men budget on the off chance a woman might turn up and say a 20 year old man is their son.

He says he will only meet her in public with witnesses

Smart. Is her behaviour why stepson is now living with you?

She's using the old stuff as a lever to get your husband alone so she claim something happened. He's going to have to give up on the idea of seeing that stuff.

The only idea I have is she wants money so offer a sum of money for the old photos and memorabilia and he and son pick it up in a public place.

About the backdated maintenance. She spent her money raising him without help and I think she should get something.

Have you done a DNA test if she is as unreliable as you say you don't really know dh is the father until you get it checked.

Why has DSS left his mother's house? Is it that the mum wants to talk to DH confidentially about something important that she doesn't want your DSS to hear about? Id be too curious not to go unless it's a safety issue, if it is then I would let it all go and focus on the present and moving forward.

I'm not sure what the danger would be? You say they had a brief fling then no contact whatsoever until son was 20. So what has she done in the interim to make her too risky to meet alone?

Either way old photos aren't really that important. I barely have any of my own dad who I was very close to but I still love and remember him.

So just try and focus on the future and being able to do nice things with DSS that you can of course capture on camera.

He could go and see her and get the copies he wants if that is what she is offering. I assume he's not interested in rekindling anything with her. You or the son could sit in the car outside if he is worried about being compromised in some way, or have his phone on record the whole time? Or carry a small recording device so there is no doubt about what was said and done.

I suspect all the photos are his mother's property, not sure if the son has any legal right to his own images, but he might not want to be in the middle of this.

Did dh really have no idea the gf was pregnant? Or was it convenient not to enquire too much where and why she had gone, was she living with her parents at the time? There are usually two sides to a story, maybe she wants to tell him her side.

You say DH has DSS, do you mean he has DS and therefore your DSS? Otherwise I am confused as to why he is bothered!
Does DS/DSS live with his mother? Can he not take photos of the photos to forward on?

Is there reason to think she's dangerous in some way? Why doesnt he want to meet her alone?

Pick your battles and focus on moving forward to a future involving DSS

I think you need to forget about the photos etc and focus on the relationship with dss.

I would be very very wary of the fact that she wants to meet when no one else is there.