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AIBU?

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Original poster

NC with sister DM keeps getting upset

60 replies

Givenup2026 · 11/05/2026 13:04

I’ll try to keep this short and sweet (hopefully not a drip feed). I went NC with my sister three years. Probably one of the best decisions of my life. It’s multi factorial, as I have suspected autism (so never felt real attachment) and we’re just completely different people so I’m always on edge around her.

anyway, my DM is visiting and, and my sister has been sending packages so then my DM can give them to her. I eventually got annoyed because well I’m NC and seems to be crossing my boundaries.

My DM got all upset (as she normally does) but I keep telling it’s not her fault but that they should respect my boundaries.

As a side not, she keeps calling my suspected neurodivergence (on a waiting list for diagnosis ) a disease (and that I’m sick) and she has refused to read anything about since I told her I was going to go the formal diagnosis route (a few years ago).

So AIBU about my start sending packages? How about my DH keep getting upset?

I understand it’s not “nice” from her POV, but nobody has really ever even tried to be in my shoes either.

OP posts:
SilverPink · 11/05/2026 13:24

Givenup2026 · 11/05/2026 13:10

Sorry it’s my DM who gets upset not my husband!

and the packages are for my sister. She sends them here, because my DM is visiting and will
eventually give them to her

Show quote history

I’m confused - your sister sends packages to your house, so your mum can give the packages - back to your sister?? Why doesn’t your sister have the packages sent to herself? Did I miss something?

Original poster
Givenup2026 · 11/05/2026 13:23

Pallisers · 11/05/2026 13:18

I'm confused about the packages tbh.

If the packages are sent to your mother who is staying in your home then they are none of your business (unless she is sending crates of fertilizer). Just hand the package to your mother and move on.

If the packages are being sent to your mother to give to you the easiest thing to do is accept them and stick them in a bedroom unopened and stop thinking about them.

your mother IS going to be upset if her two daughters aren't talking. You may be happier and that's great but she will not be. Personally if there was no big falling out, no abuse just "completely different people" I'd be devastated if one of my daughters didn't talk to the other. But there would be nothing I could do about it. Just as there is nothing you can do about your sister sending your mum parcels. Keeping to your boundaries also means understanding what is your boundary and what is someone else's. You can't stop your sister. You can't make your mum have the response you want. All you can do is manage your reaction to her actions.

Well she doesn’t address them to my DM, she addresses to me (which I get is a technicality) but ultimately nobody knows about these packages (or how many they are) but I’m still ultimately responsible as they’re being sent to me.

My sister once got annoyed because I lost one, but I also moved house, and even lost some of my own stuff!

OP posts:
Pallisers · 11/05/2026 13:18

I'm confused about the packages tbh.

If the packages are sent to your mother who is staying in your home then they are none of your business (unless she is sending crates of fertilizer). Just hand the package to your mother and move on.

If the packages are being sent to your mother to give to you the easiest thing to do is accept them and stick them in a bedroom unopened and stop thinking about them.

your mother IS going to be upset if her two daughters aren't talking. You may be happier and that's great but she will not be. Personally if there was no big falling out, no abuse just "completely different people" I'd be devastated if one of my daughters didn't talk to the other. But there would be nothing I could do about it. Just as there is nothing you can do about your sister sending your mum parcels. Keeping to your boundaries also means understanding what is your boundary and what is someone else's. You can't stop your sister. You can't make your mum have the response you want. All you can do is manage your reaction to her actions.

Original poster
Givenup2026 · 11/05/2026 13:18

Babyboomtastic · 11/05/2026 13:13

So you didn't have some awful falling out, or she's been abusive to you. More you're just different people and you don't have an statement? At least that's what I'm getting from your OP.

In that case, honestly I feel very sad for the situation, and for your sister and mum. You don't have to be super close and spend lots of time together, but your actions sound cruel to me. Obviously there may be a lot more to it, but if not, wow.

Oh no, she hasn’t been great, some of the highlights are:

She dated my bully (who destroyed my self esteem) and then wanted to tell me everything about her intimate life with him.

Every now and then she’d say that I needed to be sectioned.

She told me I only got close to my uncle for the money (and I deeply loved him and still miss him to this day).

She told me I was awful mother (before she even was one).

She tried to force a prenup when I married my exH.

She once just turned Rapunzel off because she was a terrible role model for my daughter (my daughter was like 2 and I know this is very minor).

She once called me a thief in my own house.

OP posts:
pikkumyy77 · 11/05/2026 13:16

I think you are well within your rights. The problem is everyone else in the story also has the right, as they see it, to continue “normal “ interactions and have strong emotions about you. YOU have gone NC with sister but she has not gone NC with you, if you see what I mean.

I like what a previous poster said: just protect your peace. Ignore their intentions or habit of intruding on your mental space. Just either take the packages without comment or turn them away without comment.

Babyboomtastic · 11/05/2026 13:13

So you didn't have some awful falling out, or she's been abusive to you. More you're just different people and you don't have an statement? At least that's what I'm getting from your OP.

In that case, honestly I feel very sad for the situation, and for your sister and mum. You don't have to be super close and spend lots of time together, but your actions sound cruel to me. Obviously there may be a lot more to it, but if not, wow.

Original poster
Givenup2026 · 11/05/2026 13:11

Sorry my last paragraph is a typo it’s my mother who gets upset!!

OP posts:
Original poster
Givenup2026 · 11/05/2026 13:10

WhatWouldTheDoctorDo · 11/05/2026 13:09

Sorry, I’m confused about the packages. Where is your sister sending the packages to, and who are they for? Why is your DH upset?

Sorry it’s my DM who gets upset not my husband!

and the packages are for my sister. She sends them here, because my DM is visiting and will
eventually give them to her

OP posts:
WhatWouldTheDoctorDo · 11/05/2026 13:09

Sorry, I’m confused about the packages. Where is your sister sending the packages to, and who are they for? Why is your DH upset?

something2say · 11/05/2026 13:07

Hiya

In your shoes, I would do that thing of 'protecting my peace.'

Take the packages, say thank you, put them away until the visit is over and then get rid of them.

It is easier than you think to do this - if you don't expect any help from them, or any understanding, or to have a conversation with them about why, do they believe you, do they support you.

Do your best and be creative and minimise the disruption on the matter - listen, grey rock, then turn the conversation away - do not engage, do not try to get them to understand.

Good luck x

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