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AIBU?

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To wonder why parents choose to forward face their child from a young age?

170 replies

incognito1991 · 11/05/2026 11:21

Genuinely no judgement I’m just curious, when I had my DD 2 years ago, I knew absolutely nothing about car seat safety and admittedly I still don’t know a lot. When looking into it I learned that children are so much safer rear facing for as long as possible and defiantly between the ages of 0-4. I have removed myself off some car seat safety groups as feel they can be too much sometimes but I was wondering if this is the best guidance why do parents choose to forward face from the legal age?

OP posts:
Lifestooshort71 · 11/05/2026 20:32

Lordofthebantams · 11/05/2026 12:23

It's the same reason people put babies in jumperoos and baby bouncers They don't research and assume if things are sold then it means they are ok.

Edited

Jumperoos and baby bouncers are both safe if used correctly. Like forward-facing car seats.

Hallamule · 11/05/2026 20:32

Excited101 · 11/05/2026 18:54

The phrase I used was ‘can often’ -not can always, and I’ve dealt with more than one child with travel sickness. If you took it to be condescending then that’s on you, read more carefully.

Many parents do not ‘try everything’ before turning the child. That was many, not all, in case you needed it reiterated.

What are these "everything" that one should try out of interest?

Superscientist · 11/05/2026 20:21

We took a pragmatic approach. My daughter rear faced on the main car seat until 4.5 after she was sick on a long journey. For the next 3 months she rear faced on short journeys and forward faced on long journeys. We were due to replace her car seat before she turned 5 as as was close to the height and baby brother was due and one day she asked if she could forward face all the time and for the sake of a few weeks we decided to move her forward facing in that seat. She has continued to be car sick whilst forward facing.
The back up car seat can rear face up to 18kg which she would still be able to do but it's just not practical with how it sits in the car. The shape of the seat and the car seat means the seating position is toppling forward. We turned her forward facing in this car seat at 2. We decided it was easier to swap cars rather than get a second car seat. Whoever was doing the longest journey with my daughter took the car with the main car seat in and we kept journeys in the back up seat to the 10 minute pick up from nursery/after school club once or twice a week.

We moved her to a high backed booster as the spare seat at 100cm/ 16kg. We did some reading and spoke to friends as we had read that it's best to wait until 18kg and for the main seat at 104cm /16kg. One of our friends stopped driving their son around between 18 and 20kg as although he was physically big enough for the high backed booster he was very tall for his age and lacked the sturdiness to sit comfortably. This was around the age of 3, by the time he was 3.5 he was more robust and could hold himself up better and they went back to driving. My daughter was nearly 5 by the time she reached 100 cm and was the same size as many of my friends 3 year olds but it was very obvious that she was older than them. Her trunk and neck/head control and coordination of limbs gives their relative ages away. I think this is where the combination of size and age advice is key.

My daughter sits crossed legged whether she was forward or rear facing so the space wasn't a factor for us

My son is only 8 months and is also on a low percentile so I would hope our car seat will do him rear facing until 4 and beyond. We will again take a pragmatic approach and rearrange face for as long and for as many journeys as it makes sense to do.

Appleandcidergravy · 11/05/2026 20:20

For us we had a giant- she was uncomfortable in her axkid minikid at 3- was nearly 120cm torso longer than legs and she didn't quite fit under the shoulder area properly ... She is now 5- off the charts for height at 132cm and 33kg.... Legally she probably has maybe 4 months left before she doesn't need a booster....

NeverDropYourMooncup · 11/05/2026 20:18

At the time, I was at a loss as to how to convince her to practically fold in half to get her legs in when it caused her pain and even crossing her legs meant they were halfway up the back seat and straining her back (she had scoliosis).

Put her forward facing, her legs could extend and she could sit upright - until her shoulders were over the top of the seat, which didn't take long at all - safely and secured.

My own fault for getting with a 6'5" bloke, I guess, as having legs so long she couldn't fold up into the seat on a shopping trolley by 9 months (or slide into one) wasn't anything that had ever occurred to me with my 27" inside leg measurement as an adult.

followtheswallow · 11/05/2026 20:15

Excited101 · 11/05/2026 19:09

Cigarette’s are legal but not that safe, our legal testing for car seats in the uk isn’t very good and there are many safer options easily available that can even be cheaper than forward facing seats. Most crash testing is 30mph which is a combined speed, in a head on crash that’s 15mph for each vehicle.

So children should be dying in tragic accidents on a daily basis, but aren’t.

SmashySmash · 11/05/2026 20:14

PRPrincess · 11/05/2026 17:01

When you know better, you do better. It was a no brainer for us. Why wouldn’t you want to keep your child safe? I cringe seeing one year olds facing forward. Useless parenting IMO.

There’s pages of people describing vomiting and choking children but yeah how useless are those parents right??!! Should just let them die if choking! That’s the better death right!

StrippeyFrog · 11/05/2026 20:10

I’m assuming the practicalities of it. My 5 year old still RF, but I have a small car and it means the front passenger seat is pushed completely forward so no one can sit in it. If I had another child I would have to either switch to FF or buy a bigger car. Some people do also seem to either not care or not know about car safety though as I’ve seen kids from my child’s class without car seats and sometimes without any seat belt at all.

BertieBotts · 11/05/2026 20:05

Seawolves · 11/05/2026 19:41

We forward face because my child has medically documented spells of being cold, pale, non responsive with a low respiratory drive and if he's doing it while I am driving I want to know all about it so I can stop and manage the situation/call for help. The episodes happen without warning and scare the shit out of lots of the adults around him. He also requires suction at times to maintain a patent airway, throw in seizures and forward facing is far, far safer for us. Our car seat days are numbered anyway as he needs a five point harness to support his sitting as he can't support himself and he's rapidly outgrowing his seat. I can't afford the £2k plus to replace the seat so we will be limited to travelling in his wheelchair accessible vehicle where he also forward faces because I have never seen a wheelchair set-up that accommodates rear facing (we'll ignore the fact that wheelchair travel isn't safety tested for people under 22kg which he is by quite a way).

I don't know if it would have enough postural support, but Joie Bold (R44) is a forward facing seat with 5 point harness up to 25kg limit with no standing height limit, and the harness height can go up a long way, basically as high as any high back booster seat. Argos have it for £120 at the moment. I thought it was discontinued, but they seem to have plenty of stock.

Apologies if you have had this mentioned a million times but I just thought I would mention it, just in case. Sometimes the specialist car seat places don't know what is available on the standard market, and with the vast majority of seats like this, the 5 point harness is outgrown at 105cm or 18/20kg.

Caffeineneedednow · 11/05/2026 20:05

sittingonabeach · 11/05/2026 19:47

Wonder how other countries where rear facing goes on longer cope with screaming toddlers etc

I am willing to be corrected on this but I believe sweeten is the country which normalises rear facing for extended periods often till up to 6. However the legal requirement is that they need to be rear facing untill 15 months.

I would assume if you had a child who got travel sick or became hysterical at bring rear facing they would still consider turning them around at that point. No country that I can see outside of that requires rearfaccing beyond the first year.

To be clear I am not against rear facing I know the safety data and swore I would keep him rear till 4. Alas he inherited my travel sickness, I can't go backwards on a train without feeling like I'm about to throw up in 2 minutes so I'm not massively surprised he gets ill.

Yetone · 11/05/2026 20:00

MyMonthlyNameChange · 11/05/2026 19:53

I know everyone on mumsnet has massive, tall children, but mine are genuinely tall. They've all been in the 98/99 centile from birth. I remember looking at DS when he was 4 or 5 and thinking that, even if I'd wanted to, there was absolutely no way I'd be able to rear face him at his size in our small car. His feet would've touched the windscreen.

Yes, I agree. They say you can pull the seat backwards towards the front seats but long legged children tend to have long legged parents who need to have the driver’s seat pulled back.

Caffeineneedednow · 11/05/2026 19:53

takealettermsjones · 11/05/2026 11:31

One of mine screamed blue murder when rear facing. Forward facing, not a peep. The screaming created more of a risk (as it was hugely distracting for me as the driver) in my opinion.

This was me. I was very aware of safety and swore before his birth that he would be rear facing till 4. I knew all the stats but I think a hysterically screaming toddler was more likely to make me crash the car then turning him around.

MyMonthlyNameChange · 11/05/2026 19:53

I know everyone on mumsnet has massive, tall children, but mine are genuinely tall. They've all been in the 98/99 centile from birth. I remember looking at DS when he was 4 or 5 and thinking that, even if I'd wanted to, there was absolutely no way I'd be able to rear face him at his size in our small car. His feet would've touched the windscreen.

sittingonabeach · 11/05/2026 19:47

Wonder how other countries where rear facing goes on longer cope with screaming toddlers etc

MyMonthlyNameChange · 11/05/2026 19:44

takealettermsjones · 11/05/2026 11:31

One of mine screamed blue murder when rear facing. Forward facing, not a peep. The screaming created more of a risk (as it was hugely distracting for me as the driver) in my opinion.

Same. It was so anxiety inducing I wasn't able to fully concentrate on the road. He'd scream and scream and scream. I remember one journey where he made such a fuss, me and my two other older ones were also all in tears. It was so stressful.

As soon as I turned him round (around 18 months old) he was absolutely fine. Not a peep.

He's 10 now.

Reportingfromwherever · 11/05/2026 19:42

The same reason people put young kids in the front instead of the back. I can’t understand that either.

Seawolves · 11/05/2026 19:41

We forward face because my child has medically documented spells of being cold, pale, non responsive with a low respiratory drive and if he's doing it while I am driving I want to know all about it so I can stop and manage the situation/call for help. The episodes happen without warning and scare the shit out of lots of the adults around him. He also requires suction at times to maintain a patent airway, throw in seizures and forward facing is far, far safer for us. Our car seat days are numbered anyway as he needs a five point harness to support his sitting as he can't support himself and he's rapidly outgrowing his seat. I can't afford the £2k plus to replace the seat so we will be limited to travelling in his wheelchair accessible vehicle where he also forward faces because I have never seen a wheelchair set-up that accommodates rear facing (we'll ignore the fact that wheelchair travel isn't safety tested for people under 22kg which he is by quite a way).

BethBynnag86 · 11/05/2026 19:41

A combination of very long legs and travel sickness for DGD.

BertieBotts · 11/05/2026 19:41

Most crash testing is 30mph which is a combined speed, in a head on crash that’s 15mph for each vehicle.

It's not. It's 30mph against a wall, which is the same as 30mph for each vehicle. Yes the total crash energy would be equivalent to 60mph but then it's divided between the two vehicles, so you get back to 30mph again for each vehicle, so a crash test at 30mph against a wall is fine to simulate a real world head on crash at 30mph.

Relevant mythbusters, full episode just because it's fun. Car crash physics sections start at 14:30, 30 mins and 43 mins.

- YouTube

Enjoy the videos and music that you love, upload original content and share it all with friends, family and the world on YouTube.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zPjQ2Z7t--E

Walkthelakes · 11/05/2026 19:38

They got to about 2 and just wanted to be part of the family group facing forward. Once they are not babies they aren't as biddable. Spending the whole time driving with a screaming kid who is trying to unclip herself felt more dangerous then driving with a calm forward facing on. If your child is not yet at the stage where they will contort their body to make it as difficult as possible for you to put the seatbelt on then brace yourself.

BertieBotts · 11/05/2026 19:30

5foot5 · 11/05/2026 18:14

This surprises me greatly.

My DD was born in 1995. The car seat she had while still a baby was rear-facing certainly. But the next car-seat, I e toddler one, was FF and I honestly don't ever remember seeing rear-facing seats for toddlers or knew anyone that had one.

I think the poster in the middle is talking about rear facing seats for babies, and quoting a Google AI summary which has garbled the advice or possibly mixed up UK and US guidelines, but you and TeenToTwenties are talking about not having seen RF seats for older children.

Those were not widely available in the UK 20+ years ago. All you could get were seats which went RF up to 10kg or 13kg depending on whether it was before or after the Group 0+ category came in, and then they could be turned FF from 9kg and used up to 18kg. Those lasted a bit longer than an infant carrier by height but that was it really.

The In Car Safety Centre was importing some seats from the Nordic market in the late 90s/early 00s (funnily enough Britax was making those seats here in their UK factory, but only selling them in Sweden, Denmark and Finland!) but they were a specialised retailer and the seats were sold for children with special needs who needed more postural support, rather than as a safety benefit for all children. If other places were importing them, I don't know. I was not around in those circles on the internet then. You can look at old MN archives though if you're ever interested (it's fascinating to put in any keyword you like TBF)

It was mainly thanks to American parenting/car seat forums online, where a debate was raging over whether it was safe to FF at age 1 or wait for age 2, and awareness raising by the families of some children who were unfortunately injured or killed as a result of FF seats used too young that the idea of RF for longer started to become known, at first in small corners of the internet and then spreading wider as the internet became more widely used really. There were also a couple of online bloggers or activists who had moved from a Nordic country to another one (often UK/US) and were then confused and dismayed by the lack of availability of RF seats so decided to campaign for them.

By the end of the 2000s the In Car Safety Centre was not the only ERF importer in the UK, they had moved their ERF seats out of the special needs area to a new ERF area of their website, although you still had to drive to them for a fitting. It was also possible to buy seats directly from Sweden online. But that was basically the only way to get a rear facing seat for a child over 13kg, you had to have a specialist nearby or be willing to order an expensive and possibly complicated seat directly from abroad, remember online shopping was not at all the norm at this point, and online video was only just starting to be used for things like car seat installation demos. A lot of RF seats for the Nordic market use lower tether anchors, which are normal there but not well known at all in the UK even now.

But certainly through to about 2014 it was virtually unknown by the vast majority of people. Then some of the more mainstream brands (Cybex and Britax) released rear facing spin seats and things took off then. Joie made them affordable a few years later and now they are totally normal, and more people RF to age 2 or 3 which was virtually unheard of 15 years ago. TBH, 15 years ago most people thought it was extremely strange to keep babies rear facing past their first birthday. Now it is the law, even if the law only says you must RF for 3 months past that date. It seems it's enough to get people to switch to a second stage seat which at least has the ability to RF and therefore it is a no brainer to keep doing it if everyone is happy. Which I think is great. I'd much rather see a lot of people RF a little bit longer, than a few people RF for a lot longer.

Strandas · 11/05/2026 19:28

Ours has an airbag and doesn’t have a harness system. It was one of the safest around when we bought it. It was the best choice for our family.

Mammaceta · 11/05/2026 19:19

His legs are too long to face backwards and get squished so I turned it to forwards

User79853257976 · 11/05/2026 19:17

They think ‘legal’ means ‘safe’, which it should. The government needs to update this.

Excited101 · 11/05/2026 19:09

followtheswallow · 11/05/2026 18:56

Well, I didn’t tbh. For us, it was as simple as forward facing suited us both. Something being safer than an alternative doesn’t make it unsafe. I don’t really have a lot of patience for the view that having a child in a perfectly legal and safe car seat is akin to murdering them. I’ve never actually been in a car accident!

Cigarette’s are legal but not that safe, our legal testing for car seats in the uk isn’t very good and there are many safer options easily available that can even be cheaper than forward facing seats. Most crash testing is 30mph which is a combined speed, in a head on crash that’s 15mph for each vehicle.

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