My husband doesn’t want to buy me an eternity ring. AIBU to want one?

Has anyone seen Hannah Fry’s video on why diamonds are rubbish and everyone should get a Zircon instead? It’s the most gorgeous, romantic explanation. I got an eternity ring for Xmas, made from zircon. A fraction of the cost of diamonds, but sparkles all the same and everyone else assumes they’re diamonds - it’s only me and my husband that know the real, wildly romantic truth

I get you OP. I’d love the sentimentality of an eternity ring - I’d see it as a way of saying he still stands by our wedding vows.

my DH chose my engagement ring before proposing, and it isn’t a style I’d have chosen for myself. I’d love the opportunity to add to the set and make it more my style.

sadly, DH isn’t the sort to be even remotely aware of what an eternity ring is. Let alone understand the symbolism. And I’ll never spell it out to him because (to me) the ring wouldn’t have sentimental value unless given unprompted.

I had a beautiful diamond necklace for our 10th, which I wear every day. It often gives me a little glow of contentment and connection.

I had one on the birth of our second child.

MIL just received one for her 70th birthday, after almost 50 years of marriage!

I'd buy my own

I don't think it's silly to want an eternity ring at all! I was given one for my birthday the year after I gave birth to my eldest. My husband knew I wanted one and did ask a friend if this was the last time he'd have to buy me an expensive piece of jewellery!! I've got a really simple, very thin wedding band and quite an impractical engagement ring so I really love my eternity band because I can wear it every day and it gives a bit more width and sparkle to my wedding band and for special occasions when I get my engagement ring out my three rings look lovely together. I'm hoping for another ring for my other hand for our 20th wedding anniversary or my 50th birthday in a few years time because jewellery is something I really appreciate.

Don’t feel silly. You want a ring. He wants golf clubs. Why should you be the disappointed one. Buy him some chocolates and use the money to treat yourself to a nice ring.

Would a compromise be an emerald ring, as this suits the 20th (so definitely a thing, and not compromising a wedding ring)?
Cost can vary from very little to lots, and it might make both of you happy?

In my neck of the woods an eternity ring is on the birth of your first baby. My mum has one, my grandmother etc, I dont really want one but I have a spectacular engagement ring and my wedding band is quite jazzy on its own. There's nothing wrong with wanting some jewellery.

A few friends' mothers got engaged when they had less money and upgraded to a big diamond ring 20 years in when they were much better off. Which is fair enough, both can be worn on different occasions (or neither!)

Im almost 10 years in but as I have suitably sparkly rings im going to receive the super romantic gesture of a new coffee grinder 😂😂

I love my eternity ring, partly because my engagement ring was a cheap one from a vintage shop which my husband proposed to me with. He offered to take me shopping for a proper one, but at the time I opted not to and stuck with the proposal ring, so my eternity ring feels precious and sparkly sitting next to my wedding band. I got it for our anniversary around the time our second child was born.

To be fair that is sort of funny - I would laugh at that.

But only as a joke!

I don’t think there’s actually anything wrong with wanting one.

I was given an eternity ring on our 25th wedding anniversary. DH's father died quite suddenly a few weeks before and it didn't feel right to be getting a ring, but DH insisted and said we should mark the occasion. I am so glad he did. I wear my wedding and eternity rings together, they look lovely. My engagement ring and my mother's were given to my daughters (well, to my sons in law) when they got engaged. I rarely wore them so it is really nice to see them being worn and enjoyed.

Hey OP, my anniversary was recently and I told my husband I wanted a ring. We celebrated 10 years together. I just wanted a sapphire one, albeit a cheap one, just because my wedding and engagement rings don’t fit me anymore as I have gotten fatter over the years.
I have told him since last year but he didn’t get me anything, however we went to have lunch together.
I am dissatisfied, just like you.
Solidarity

I don’t think you have. That’s when I got mine. Totally unexpected.

I feel the same way as your dh, though I’m sorry that he soured the idea for you. I just find it a weird concept. I’m also quite repulsed by the idea of getting one as a push present. I know it’s very meaningful for many, but it just feels grimly transactional.

I was a bit weird about engagement rings too, so I’m clearly an odd bod. I love mine because dh gave it to me but if he’d asked me first I’d have preferred not to get one at all.

So he won't buy you an eternity ring because he thinks your relationship is suitably marked by the other rings and a new ring would somehow taint them...

But he's happy for you to buy him tech and golf club, which have nothing to do with celebrating your relationship, and doesnt see having random materialistic stuff as undermining the marking of the occasion?

He doesn't have to believe the eternity ring hype but it's a bit shitty to not just go along with it because it makes you happy when it sounds like he is going to be getting a present that makes him happy 🤨

This would make me wonder if something was going on and he doesn’t plan on sticking around for eternity.
Call me suspicious but I learned to trust my gut after ignoring stuff like this and getting a horrible shock.
Hope I am wrong in this case.

I wanted one after my kids. It was the done thing where I came from. Completely alien concept to my DH who was like yours and basically didn't want to do it. He's not tight usually.

Honestly I’d just ask him why he thinks jewellery as a gift for his wife is weird. Buying your wife jewellery is a pretty standard thing…. Husbands have been doing it since the dawn of time.

You are not being unreasonable to feel this way. If he can afford it and knows you want it I don’t understand the problem. I have been in a similar situ.. for our 10th dh told me he was having a pair of hoop earrings made. They never materialised which was so out of character for him. Had he mentioned it and said too expensive I would’ve totally fine. But nothing, not even a token for our 10th. A year later when he tried to give me an 11th, I told him how I felt. He then bought me a pair so ridiculous that we had to have a safe screwed into concrete to insure. I hate them because they remind me of what he (didn’t) do. Don’t get any pleasure from them! So there’s your answer I’m afraid.

As I’ve gotten older, I realise it’s a gimmick.

I do laugh now over the fact that one of my ex friends a few years ago flaunted hers at me and tried to put my marriage down because I didn’t have one.

She very smugly said “perhaps your DH doesn’t want to be with you forever like mine does” … Her DH left her last year.

I didn’t have any thoughts of getting an eternity ring ,my DH got me one for our 20th anniversary
I loved it,but it didn’t change our relationship, would have been happy with anything

@slowsausages could it be just that it doesn’t give him enough time to save for such an expensive gift?

That’s a bit dull, for celebrating 20 years together imv

DH gave me a half eternity ring when DC1 was born. I bought myself a second half eternity when DC2 arrived. I don’t have an engagement ring though, so quite often wear them both with my wedding band.

I thought they were traditionally to celebrate the birth of a child?