My husband doesn’t want to buy me an eternity ring. AIBU to want one?

Eternity rings are just another ploy to get you to part with your money for something you already have to be fair...

BUT - his reaction is weird. In my social circle I can't imagine any other husbands response anything other than "yes dear" . Your husband sounds weirdly sensitive about jewellery.

I bought myself a ring when DS was born. I got the July version of the Pandora birthstone ring I bought myself years ago. They don't sell it anymore so it was second hand, which I don't mind.

I also bought myself a ring the first time I got pregnant (which ended up being a sort of momento mori as I had a miscarriage.) That was a cheap silver and cubic zirconia one, but it's precious to me.

I thought they were either for the 1 year anniversary or birth of first child.

I didn’t get one for either, probably because we were a bit skint and also it didn’t really occur to us.

I asked for one for our 10th anniversary.

To be clear, there is nothing wrong-and everything right- about wanting significant anniversaries to be marked in some way. I have a small collection of significant jewellery my dp has given me over the years. It’s just that eternity rings are a completely cynical piece of commercial exploitation. Designed to guilt/shame men into buying more diamonds. And to make women feel sad and unappreciated if they don’t get one.

Yeah, he's already made plans. He knows how much he wants to spend on golf clubs and a ring is going to chew into his wodge of cash for himself.

I would guess he hadn’t heard of an eternity ring before. I don’t really know much about eternity rings either (beyond brief mentions online or on TV etc) and I don’t think anyone in my family has one.

EDIT to add:
I think it’s fine for you to want one though, just saying maybe your DH doesn’t have an understanding of what it is.

Have you stopped to consider that he might already have made plans for the occasion and spending on an eternity ring doesn’t enter into the equation? Him asking what you wanted could have been his way of throwing you off the scent when he’s got an amazing gift lined up!

I wanted one for our 25th and got a simple one. Why not? I just wanted something pretty and I don’t usually get jewellery. I love it.

I always thought it was the done thing and have recently had one for a milestone birthday! Nothing wrong or silly with wanting a nice ring!!

My dad bought one for my mum for their 25th because her engagement ring very modest, I think this is common, if you had a flashy ring to start with no need. To be honest I kind of associate them (and vow renewals) with affairs! Purely based on friends of mine

Indeed. My mum had an eternity ring. Her and my dad were married for about 40 years (til he died) every one of them miserable filled with arguments , hate and occasionally violence.

It's a completely normal thing to have for anniversaries, to add to your engagement ring and wedding ring. It's very common and not at all weird!

I suspect he wasn't budgeting for one, but there's some lovely ones at the mid budget point, certainly around the "new set of clubs" mark.

Me too.

I don’t think it’s up to him to tell you what you should and shouldn’t want? Have you told him he “shouldn’t” want golf clubs, so you’ll get him something you think is appropriate instead?

I don’t wear mine stacked. I wear mine on the third finger of my right hand. I don’t like the feeling of too many rings together.

Yes, it used to be. I don’t know why the first anniversary but it was, traditionally.

Eternity rings aren’t a new thing.

Also, you don’t have to have a traditional eternity ring. You could have any design you like. I chose stacking rings by Orkney designer Alison Moore, and I love them.

I got one after I had my third (and last) child. More than ten years of marriage. My DH happily got one for me because that is what I wanted. I actually only wear my eternity ring every day as it is the most comfortable yet pretty ring at the same time.

You shouldn’t feel silly for wanting one. They are very common.

I’m v quite surprised by all the posters who profess never to have heard of eternity rings…

The way your h reacted was odd, I think, guaranteed to shut you down.

If you’re buying him golf clubs for his anniversary gift then he can afford to get you a ring. I wonder why he feels so strongly?

i have two eternity rings/rings from my h to wear on the third finger of my right hand. They don’t detract from my wedding ring; i just fancied new rings.

Could you talk to him about it without him getting weird? If not, I’d buy yourself a nice dress ring. Or a bracelet or other piece of jewellery if he’s spoiled the idea of an eternity ring for you.

YANBU, though.

People on here would also have you believe that adults should’t have birthdays and it’s unreasonable to get a present.

If you want an eternity ring then you want one.

Ask yourself if a right hand ring would also be a thing you want, or whether you want this ring to stack with wedding and engagement specifically.

My husband got me mine for my birthday just after I’d had the first baby. But other people get them for first/tenth anniversaries. I’ve bought myself a relatively expensive right hand ring because I liked it and it was pretty.

His reaction is a bit odd - does he have things that once chosen can never be added to? Has he had the same watch since he was 20? Or is it just because this is an expensive ask?

I think it’s a bit odd of him to ask you what you’d like and then criticise, sexually since it’s a piece of jewellery - hardly an unusual request. He’s definitely taken the sheen off of the whole eternity ring now, which is a shame because they don’t have to be expensive, especially if you buy pre-owned. Is there another piece of jewellery you could ask him for?

They have very ancient origins - but you’re right, it was De Beers who marketed them as a thing because they had an abundance of tiny diamonds.

Beat me to it @CurlewKate !

I am with your DH. It's a gimmick dreamed up years ago by De Beers and the other diamond merchants to enable them to flog more diamonds.

I wouldn't buy one either (& haven't) and we are nearer our golden wedding than not.

Would you feel better if you knew that eternity rings were invented and aggressively marketed by De Beers because they had a stockpile of diamond chips they wanted to use? And the first advertising slogan was “You married her for better or worse. Show her how it’s going.”