My husband doesn’t want to buy me an eternity ring. AIBU to want one?

Same for me. I’d left my wedding and engagement rings at home whilst I was in hospital and DH had gone back to the jewellers we’d bought them from do he could get the sizing right. I had an extended stay in hospital, so he had the time. Thirty two years of marriage and three children later, I’m still wearing it. Fits nicely between the other two rings.

I have never been able to understand why people make such a fuss about rings in the first place. Engagement rings/wedding rings: why? Eternity rings are yet another way to prise money out of a grudging husband because a woman feels she needs yet another bit of bling.

Sorry I am with your husband and I feel if you want it you need to pay for it yourself.

Hi OP.
I've been married for 51 years so my rings are old but still lovely.
I, like you wanted an eternity ring.I tried a few on and honestly they looked ridiculous, 3 rings squashed onto my finger..I have slim fingers but it put me off completely, so I wear it on my right hand. Best of both worlds.
Hope you can decide what to do 🙂

I developed an allergy to the nickel in my gold jewellery so at 20 years went platinum.

If it’s money thats his problem, you can get a quarter of a carat real diamond rings (in silver) on TJC the jewellery channel website for £60. for example item number 8493574.

i got a ring from there (1 carat under £200) and took it to my jeweller whi tested it and confirmed it was indeed diamonds. lab grown are so inexpensive niw, it’s great. they are real diamond chips that get put under pressure, geat and chemicals like in nature and they are grown to larger sizes. So identical to mined diamonds.

Not sure if he’s already bought you one and that’s why he is being weird, or if he’s worried about the cost and doesnt know lab diamonds are real diamonds. Or if he’s planning on not beimg around. Only you know him.

In my experience if you tell a man you want xyz and tell him how much and what shop you have more chance of getting what you want. if he’s determined no ring go for earrings?

i got mine after I had our first child it was my Xmas present that year, had no idea he was getting me one and I love it. Most people I know have one.

This!! He asked. She answered.

he decided to get huffy instead of respecting his wife’s wish and making her happy. Which is pretty shitty!

I love my eternity ring, received it on birth of second/final child.

Pretty much everything is a cynical push by someone to make someone spend money on something, so you quite limited on what you can ask for if you are avoiding that.

I think the eternity ring is a bit spoilt now by DH attitude but you could ask him for another piece of jewellery.

Don’t feel silly! If you like jewellery then why not have another ring to commemorate your life together so far? Why is that different from your DH enjoying a set of golf clubs? I would want another ring because they are pretty and I feel happy when I look at my jewellery. Your DH is BU!

hmmm, tricky. I do still believe that he was being massively unreasonable to react negatively to your honest answer. That’s how you train people to not voice their honest opinions!!

To me personally eternity rings (or any kind of ring given after the wedding!) aren’t about being “more” important than the wedding ring.

But they do affirm the choice you and your DH made 20 years ago. It symbolises that he and you would make the same choices again (him giving you a ring and you accepting it).

Vow renewals are equally naff.

I don’t think you’re silly. You liked the symbolism and you wanted one. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with it!

but even more importantly: your DH asked and you answered. He shouldn’t have asked if he couldn’t accept an honest answer.

next time you may not answer freely. Is that what he wants? Or does he want to spend money on a gift you didn’t truly want to begin with??

Dear god all these replies saying ‘they’re pointless’ That is immaterial, he asked, she replied. I have an eternity ring, 20 years married (a long while ago), it was pre loved and I wear it on third finger right hand. No one but me and him know what it symbolises, a 20 years married struggle with cancer, heart attack, disabled child. It’s nothing like ‘vow renewal’. It’s more a case of a nice piece of jewellery and what it symbolises to us.

would he had made a fuss if you had just asked for a ring instead of an eternity ring OP?

YA absolutely not BU to want an eternity ring. Y may BU if you expect one. I wanted one, and I asked for it for my birthday present.

Could you do that?

I thought eternity rings were for the birth of your first child. Have I got that completely wrong?

Dh gave me an eternity ring when our first child was born. I didn't ask for it, it was a surprise and I didn't know it was a thing. It seems that he 'did' know it was a thing so I don't think you're wrong.

Don't.
Just rebrand your request as wanting a band ring.

No. If you have to each buy yourselves a present, you decide together how much you can afford and split it evenly.

But a wedding anniversary is about the two of you. It is literally about your marriage. Not imv an excuse to each get something expensive yourself: what’s that got to do with your marriage?

Are you really not able to spend money on the two of you as a couple? If not, wtafp?

Well I don't think you're silly, that's what I'm asking DH for as it's our 10 year anniversary approaching & I like the idea of him buying me another ring!

Which is ironic given how many couples split up after having a child.

Been married 36 years this year and don’t have one.

Also, men who know that their partners would be made happy by something they could do and deliberately don’t do it are pretty shit.

🙄

They've been around for decades. I've known about them since I was tiny because I used to pore over the Argos catalogue. (Light blue sapphires were all the rage in the 90s and I wish they'd come back.)

I don't see the point in them, I have my wedding ring and engagement ring and that's enough I didn't know there was such thing as an eternity ring

You can buy second hand, it doesn't have to be new. I'd rather buy second hand myself.

With regards to diamonds, lab grown are a hell of a lot cheaper, or there's moissanite which is also cheaper, and is a brilliant diamond substitute. It's very sparkly and a hard stone so will last.

Everything is marketed, weddings can cost an arm and a leg but dont have to. Honeymoons dont "need" to happen.

For me it's quite simple, OP was asked what she wanted and fancied an eternity ring, if shes changed her mind after reading this fair enough but she wasn't silly for wanting one any more than a marketed designer dress handbag or nice pair of shoes