My husband doesn’t want to buy me an eternity ring. AIBU to want one?

It's only a nice ring, I couldn't be bothered to get wound up about it. But I'm not particularly sentimental about things, to me actions are more important.

She is being melodramatic and she’s reflected on that. Hormones do affect how we think and feel and there’s no shame in recognizing that. Rage at folk online is also another symptom I had before I started hrt. The woman doesn’t have a horrible husband - she’d just got herself in a state overthinking..

exactly the same, I don’t know anyone in my immediate family or friends who have been married a significant time who don’t have eternity rings.

Mine compliments my rings beautifully and doesn’t take anything away.

My mum used to get a new set of all 3 every 10 years depending on what stone she liked at the time! 😂

I got an eternity ring on our 25th anniversary. Maybe you/he could save up till then. Wearing 3 rings is hardly over the top is it!?

Edited to add that my original engagement ring has a tiny tiny diamond as we were students.

Are you asking if OP if in perimenopause, or has reach menopause? I imagine it's quite likely if they have been married for 20 years.
Do you ask this of every woman "of a certain" age? ie is that the first thing you think of when a woman over 35 expresses herself in a way you deem melodramatic?

Tell him you deserve compensation for being married to him 😁 I was given a cheap second hand one after 10 years. The stones fell out 🙄

Me too, although I ended up getting something else.

Marketing and the ethos of it fascinates me, we buy what we see and hear, and as long as we treasure what we buy who gives a fiddlers fark where the idea came from

I completely agree. I'm not particularly materialistic. I'm not into designer clothes or bags, but I do like a nice bit of jewellery. I doesn't really matter what influenced me to think like that. It's ridiculous to think that in the 21st century that we can isolate ourselves from marketers influence. What matters is what you value, what you would be willing to spend money on, and what you would appreciate in a gift.

Good post

The talk of cynical marketing as if its something horrid. Businesses take decisions on marketing and how to get people to buy.

The jeweller I worked for over 25 years ago had the tag line "....if the feeling is genuine...." underneath beautiful pieces, necklaces bracelets rings all very expensive, and great quality. The message subtly being dont go to H Samuel or Argos or its not genuine

And people bought loads, and I still get folk saying oh I got my ring from xxxxxxx

There was nothing nefarious, the jewellery was great quality, but it was expensive.

Marketing and the ethos of it fascinates me, we buy what we see and hear, and as long as we treasure what we buy who gives a fiddlers fark where the idea came from

Yeah I mean I fully admit I'm not interested in rings or bling at all so maybe not the best person to comment...

But I think people sometimes get 'desire for a nice bit of bling' muddled in their head with 'does my husband appreciate me?' and it becomes an emotional flashpoint when it doesn't need to be.

Nothing wrong per se with wanting a nice flashy ring or piece of jewelry but a lot of people are a bit nonplussed by the idea that loving someone/appreciating someone necessitates a lot of these sorts of milestones.

So I'm not surprised that he's a bit "eh?" about her wanting yet another ring.

If it was me I'd be buying my own ring.

Well you're rude. He asked her a question, she answered. How the fuck is that 'needy'?

My engagement ring cost about £17 in 2007, my wedding ring is sterling silver (because I wanted a chunky ring and prefer silver.) That was around £30 in 2014. Rings don't have to be expensive.

I have a shit load of bling, but no husband. Left him in 2018, (Freedom, priceless!) although I still wear the jewellery he gave me. (I'm sat wearing a beautiful Art Nouveau style necklace from him. That was from Argos.)

The problem is the name of the ring. What you want is a beautiful ring but what he's hearing is that the rings he's bought you to date aren't signifying enough.
Ask him for a diamond studded ring and leave it there.

But DeBeers also popularised the concept of diamond engagement rings and how many of us have them? In the 1930s engagement rings were falling out of fashion and only 10% of engagement rings bought in America had a diamond. DeBeers made a commercial decision to persuade the public that an engagement ring is essential, and a diamond is the only acceptable stone for an engagement ring. That's where the slogan 'diamonds are forever' came from.

I don't own any but that doesn't make me love them less.

I especially like my engagement ring and my birthstone necklace.

You're definitely not silly for wanting one! Do you plan to wear it instead of your other rings? If so I can understand (but don't agree with) his point - but you could wear it on your right hand. I see my engagement ring as a physical reminder of his love when I'm feeling down. The eternity ring is similar - a daily reminder and celebration of your 20 years of marriage and commitment. Could he see it from that side?

Oh the drama! Maybe take the hint and stop sounding so needy, it's very unattractive.

YANBU to want one. I want one too. My husband is not exactly against the idea but I know he doesn’t really see the point. I did hint at getting one after the birth of our first child which is traditional but I’ve had two babies now and still no ring. To be fair it does seem like a silly thing for us to spend money on when we have a new baby and everything is expensive enough already, though it’s fine if you can afford it. I don’t think it makes the wedding and engagement rings less special. It’s just a meaningful piece of jewellery that you like the look of and there’s nothing wrong with that. I don’t think your husband should be telling you what you can and can’t like.

Yes exactly! Op you don’t need to justify wanting an eternity ring to your dh or to anyone else…. You just answered his question! How about saying I’d like one of the rings with precious stones, perhaps diamonds, all in a row.. some have 5, some 7, you know, because we love each other every day of the week, or diamonds all the way around. I mean it is the marketing that has made him argue that you are already promised forever.

If you love your pieces then cynical marketing can get to fuck

I worked for a very high end jeweller for years, and the whole ethos of selling all items of jewellery is "cynical" or some would say clever marketing.

My husband took advantage of my staff discount and the fact he could throw a few quid off each month, so I have some nice bits, which I love.

The Birkin bags, the Jimmy Choos, the Cartier watches, none of them are needed, essential items, they are all marketed and lots of people spend squillions on them.

What one person thinks is unnecessary or naff someone else will treasure.

I get a bit fed up of the why would you want one on here. She simply fancied one!

I know they were traditional after the birth of the first child but what does that exactly mean? Now you have produced my heir, this marriage is forever? I wasn’t so sure before?

In any case, I think you both probably overreacted. Wanting a pretty ring isn’t a bad thing. He’s probably allowed to find the concept of an eternity ring a bit confusing.

You could reframe it as 'I would love a nice ring for our anniversary ' and remove the eternity word😆. You are within your rights to ask for this and he can either say yes or not. If I were him, I would feel great that I didn't have to come up with a surprise. (It also annoys me when someone asks what I would like as a gift then dismiss it. What is the actual point? )

I have 6 particularly significant pieces of jewellery given to me by my DP.None of them are the result of cynical marketing exercises.

@slowsausages
I’ve not read the full thread - I always fancied an eternity ring, but my dh has always been really firmly against; he told me the modern concept of an eternity ring was invented by deBeers, the diamond merchants, as a way of successfully using up the large numbers of small diamonds that they had. It was entirely a sales and marketing decision, in terms of how it was framed and marketed. I have to say, hearing about the cynical (and highly commercial) roots of the eternity ring has made it far less appealing to me, so I no longer want one!