My husband doesn’t want to buy me an eternity ring. AIBU to want one?

Haven't RTFT, but I do think general presents should please the recipient but if it makes him sad in some way, however irrational, maybe there is some other piece of jewellery that you would also like? earrings or a pendant?

I got an eternity ring after the birth of one of my children. At 25 years, my husband bought me a stunning ring, then matching earrings for my 50th. Every piece of jewellary I have been given is special and meaningful. You are not being unreasonable. After 20 years you should be able to be honest and ask for what you would really like.

My miserable husband wouldn't even buy me an engagement ring, said it was a waste of money, my nan gave me one of her rings out of putty. Should have realised what a huge red flag it was ( he's Yorkshire just in case it's significant)

I can kind of see his point, though he could have discussed it without making you feel bad about yourself.

I would say it’s nothing to do with symbolism, and you’d just like a bit of bling for your present. It’s not that deep.

That makes sense! My engagement ring is elegant and rather modest… I actually used to feel a bit self-conscious on certain occasions (well, one time somebody explicitly told me that the diamond ought to be bigger… I was so shocked that I didn’t even know how to respond😅).

I personally strongly dislike that marketing strategy as well. The amount somebody spends (be that for jewellery, trips abroad, flowers or any other gift!) shouldn’t be used to measure love and affection!

I guess my equivalent would be something like a weekend break in Europe or nice clothes and I would be irked if I said I wanted that and my OP wouldn't get it.

yes, precisely!
Let’s say your DH asked you what you wanted for your anniversary.
You answer that you would really like a weekend break / trip abroad.
Husband becomes quite huffy and tells you that you already had a honeymoon 20 years ago and that an additional shared vacation would somehow devalue the original honeymoon…

Fair enough. I don't "get" jewellery at all: it has no emotional resonance for me but I guess my equivalent would be something like a weekend break in Europe or nice clothes and I would be irked if I said I wanted that and my OP wouldn't get it. I suppose if you live in a capitalist society the reality is that someone is profiting from most gifts bought from you.

But there is something about the way jewellery is marketed which turns my stomach a bit: the whole marketing strategy is built on making women feel insecure about their position in the relationship and making them ask men for approval via bits of silver/gold/platinum. And the use of emotionally-loaded words like "eternity" is nauseating.

None of this changes the fact that the OP is entitled to be frustrated her DP won't get this for her. .

You can get cheaper than that! I was eyeing up a sterling silver and moissanite one which was about £40, but I have several base metal and cubic zirconia ones. (Although the sapphire and white gold one I saw was expensive, but I want it!)

I would be irritated if I were you, he is making out like you are being greedy!
If the budget allows then you should be able to have an eternity ring.

Can’t believe the hate for eternity rings on here! It’s a perfect anniversary present OP. He asked what you wanted and it’s this. I got mine because we were skint when I got my engagement ring so it’s tiny and I wanted a bit of bling basically! I wear them all stacked and love how they look together.

Random suggestion but could it be he has already brought you one and wanted it to be a surprise which you've now ruined? I 've had that with my dh before. Seems a bit of an odd reaction from him if not.

I can sort of see where this is coming from. I personally would have two counter arguments.

I absolutely love jewellery. Ever since I was a little girl. Some people like legos, mountain bikes, expensive tech, cars…

Jewellery pieces are lovely reminders of people, events etc. I have a pair of (rather cheap, fake but super pretty) “emerald” earrings. Whenever I wear them I think of a lovely weekend in Vienna, when my (back then still) boyfriend bought them for me.

I remember my (late) grandmother taking me to jewellery lane and letting me pick out earrings for my 10th birthday. They remind me of her whenever I wear them (mostly on special occasions).

Jewellery tends to last, unlike many other kind of gifts.

My stepdad gave my Mum and eternity ring straight after their wedding, people are different. My hubby hasn't a clue and I have a good friend who's a jeweller (dangerous combo😂) and she'd got a pretty one that looked just right on my sausage fingers so I bought it and he's never noticed...!

Married 32 years. Never had one. A few years ago I saw a nice plain silver ring at a craft fair. Cost £25 a few years back. Husband bought me it but I wear it on other hand.

I agree with this… no one is immune and its ridiculous to say you are.

But I still think its problematic when your idea of your value in the relationship is so closely bound up with what someone who is trying to sell you a product sees as your worth.

I can understand why people (men mostly) object to being asked to provide bling as a token of affection. Call me cynical but it seems a bit transactional.

After 20 years you probably deserve to have your sparkly ring. But his reaction will have spoiled the idea for you. My ex also disappointed me and I’m afraid it festered.
YANBU. My second DH bought me one after 10 years. I don’t think he really understood why I wanted one - but he knew it meant a lot to me. And I love both him and my rings.

Just looked up cost, £2500,

@slowsausages you aren't being unreasonable and he sounds a meanie. However, after 20 years, you mist know what he's like and must have known he'd put the dampeners on it. In your circs I'd probably have said, ok you want golf clubs, I want a ring. You buy the clubs, I'll buy the ring and we can exchange cards.

DH bought me one at 10 years. I wasn't expecting the gesture. He gave me a budget, I chose it. 25 years on still love it and it complements our vows rather than taking away from the initial rings.

If you want one, buy one for yourself. I bought myself a pearl necklace and earrings for our 30th. He woukdn't have dreamt of it. I told him and why and he just went "oh, I see, and unexpectedly left a cheque on my bedside table the following morning.

The wedding and engagement ring “aren’t enough?” They were bought over 20 years ago! What is wrong with wanting an eternity ring as a present from your supposedly loving husband? The only person acting weirdly is your husband!! Why hasn’t he bought you an eternity ring or another nice piece of jewellery since the first ones 20 years ago?

I never thought of having one because my engagement ring was a three stone crossover style. I'd gone into the jewellers with a repair and spotted a wave ring half diamonds. Tried it on was perfect. Our 25th wedding anniversary was coming up so DH bought it. I know two women who had them after first babies who'd not been married long though

I think that’s funny too, to be fair! (I’m also not interested in the concept and I think my DH would rightly give me short shrift if I asked for one given how many times I’ve lost my wedding and engagement rings and been without them for months only for them to turn up in a teapot or something).
OP if he’s not usually tight with presents then I think he probably does feel like he says which I don’t think is unreasonable. I’d ask for a luxury holiday instead!

I'm not an eternity ring person, in part because my engagement ring has a sizeable diamond, but surely all commercially made jewellery is commercial exploitation? How are eternity rings any different? I mean, even wedding rings aren't a necessity.

Regardless, I think it's pretty crap to ask what you want and then disregard it, @slowsausages

Get yourself a victoria cross for putting up with him

Taking the whole ring thing out of it, it's just annoying if someone asks what you want and the is dismissive of what you ask for. Why bother?

Of course hormones affect us and there is no shame.
I don't think OP is raging at people online.
She has not mentioned hormones or her menstrual cycle at all in her responses.
How would it go down in the workplace is someone asked if you were menopausal? You could have just asked if OP was stressed.

It's a shame he sees it as detracting from the other rings, rather than adding to. They're all just pretty things with arbritrary meanings attached - all this one would say is woo hoo we've been together for 20 years, go us. If the name eternity feels off to him then rebrand it as a vicennial or a score ring!
I totally hear you that his response has taken the shine (pun semi intended) off the idea now though. I'd suggest neither of you buy presents and you buy yourself a fuck it, because I can ring. I'm not married but have got a lot of jewellery that I buy myself for special occasions, including a diamond ring for my 40th and a bracelet to recently celebrate losing weight and 'only' being overweight again!