My husband doesn’t want to buy me an eternity ring. AIBU to want one?

Nothing wrong with wanting one. I asked for one after we had our DC, I’d been through a lot and felt I’d earned it. (Mostly, I just wanted to liven up my hands as my wedding ring and engagement ring are very plain, just one tiny diamond) We went to a secondhand jewellery shop and chose something that made me feel fancy without costing a fortune, I’m very happy with it.

Then trying taking this on board.

It’s my 25th anniversary tomorrow and it’s ‘silver’ so my dh wanted to get me an eternity ring and I felt a bit weird about it to be honest. Like it was going to usurp my wedding ring. So I said I didn’t want one and I think he was a bit put out.

Im really glad he told me because I don’t know what I would have done it I had just been presented with one tomorrow. Does it go on the same finger? Anyway I don’t want one so I’m not getting one.

This. Take the name away, and it’s just a particular style of a piece of jewellery that you would like.

I’ve always quite fancied one. Not because I don’t think my wedding ring symbolises forever, or I don’t love my engagement ring, because I do. I just like the look of sparkly baguette diamond rings. There’s nothing wrong with wanting what you want and he sounds mean - I don’t mean re the cost, I mean to dismiss the thing you said you would like as something you ‘shouldn’t’ want. I doubt you would tell him he ‘shouldn’t’ want some new golf clubs for whatever reason.

He asked what you’d like. You said a ring and he’s not happy because you’ve got one. You want a ring, it doesn’t matter what fancy name the ring sellers put on it, you’d like a ring. My husband has loads of records and bikes so I’ll just rename his new bike an eternity bike and say the other ones he has will do so he can’t have another one.

Will you get a full eternity ring or half one ?
I have a half one as I wear it everyday and felt the underside would get knocked about.

My eternity ring was a present on my 25th anniversary and I wear it on my right hand - ring finger.

Nothing about it detracts from my wedding and engagement rings and the vows we made 25 years previously.

it is very pretty and very special to me - given as a token of love on our 25th anniversary - a massive milestone as I had been really ill and really close to death - but pulled through - so it kind of symbolised an ongoing foreverness about our marriage despite the odds being against us.

up until then we had no extra money for pretty jewellery and I absolutely love how pretty it is and the love behind it . I put it on on our anniversary and have never removed it since.

it enhances not detracts from our vows and love and is such a beautiful gift that I am forever grateful for.

Thats an excellent idea. And you can be sure it's exactly what you want!

I completely understand - my DH bought me a fairly cheap gold ring as a birthday gift which I wore on my wedding finger. Fast forward a lot of years and I said I would like a 'proper' eternity ring but he would not really go there, just brushed the subject away or made noises. But no ring. I then came into a little money (he doesn't need my money!) and announced I was going to buy one for myself, which I did. It's a beauty. BUT it has become a bit of a strange but sore point between us. He is just a bit weird about it, and now I wear it on my right hand. I don't really know what has gone on here, but he definitely didn't want to buy one, and definitely didn't like it when I bought my own. 😳

It’s literally just a nice ring. One that. A. Be worn I. The same finger as your others if your fingers are long enough.

they aren’t some indication of natural strife for goodness sakes

Why wouldn’t he buy jewellery if he knows you would love it ?
That’s strange.

My engagement and weddings rings no longer fit me so I haven’t worn them for years. I find this doesn’t bother me. I have no massive sentimental attachment to them. I liked what they represented at the time, but now they are just rings.

I’ve been considering trading them in for an eternity ring or perhaps a nice new wedding band. DH looked a bit put out when I suggested that so I might just leave it!

I agree. I also feel the same about renewing wedding vows. I always think it is a suspicious sign, why should you need to renew them unless you have broken them.

This! Why ask what you want if he doesn't care. Does he usually rude roughshod over your feelings? I'd be really hurt.

Eternity is overrated

I got an eternity ring after our first child and we've been married 44 years, never thought it made the wedding ring less than. Maybe they are old fashioned but he sounds a bit mean.

Originally de Beers created and marketed them for older women. Typically fir a significant anniversary on the basis that when they had got married, they couldn’t afford much.
Giving them as a push present was a much more recent use for the eternity ring

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That's correct.

I suppose he asked so..

However, I've never seen the point. Who has room on a finger for 3? I always thought you might get one if your marriage has been a bit rocky but you've come through it!

Then any gift is transactional surely.

I love jewellery. So if DH wants to get something I will love and use then jewellery is the smart choice. What is a ‘valid’ gift in your mind? Shoes? A pool? A new pair of glasses? I can’t get my head around somebody thinking that one form of gift is somehow transactional, but other forms of gift are fine.

if I loved photography and asked for camera equipment would that be ok by you? But if I love jewellery that’s not fine?

Stop it. People are being weird. He asked what he wanted and he wanted a nice piece of jewellery. You know What you’re likely to wear. How do you ask for a pen pendant or a pair of earrings or have he have had a problem?

an eternity ring is a nice simple piece of jewellery that you can wear daily. Had it been called a ‘celebration ring’ or an ‘anniversary ring’ would that have made a difference?

why are people invalidating what you want? Stop doing the woman thing of putting your wants unmet because strangers wouldn’t want one.

some people would want a pair of earrings or a bracelet or a holiday. Are those somehow more appropriate than a ring?

people are being very weird.

I think that’s a push present but I could be wrong! The only reason I say it is that a friend of mine received a gorgeous ring from her husband every time she had a baby and I confess to being a wee bit jealous at the time! 😄. I know in reality that a lot of these things are invented by the jewellery industry!