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To try and get my Dad back to the UK so he can die here

258 replies

Ataloss23 · 10/05/2026 20:14

I am looking for a bit of support with this, as I don't really know where to start!

My Dad lives in the USA, born in Scotland but moved over in 2019 when he married his wife who he met whilst traveling over there.

18 months ago he was diagnosed with stage 4 pancreatic cancer. He tolerated treatment well, and we have been lucky to get more time with him.

He decided he wanted to move back to Scotland, so he could live out his days here. He sought advice from lawyers and they began the immigration process for his wife, which has been long winded. She has paid all of her fees, including NHS fees and had her embassy interview 9 weeks ago. We have been told it takes up to 12 weeks to get a response.

His treatment over the past few months hasn't gone as well as it has been, and he has taken a real decline this week. I've ended up flying over to America to be with him as we don't know how much time he has left. We are discussing hospice options, and he has said that he would much rather find a way to get back to Scotland, because he still wants to die back home. So I am trying to do everything I can to get him home, but would really appreciate some guidance.

His Dr here has said that he may be able to discharge him for flying, if he feels he would be able to manage the whole flight and we can manage his pain. My concern is how quickly could we access services in the UK? We live quite rurally, so not the same issues for getting access to GP as people in larger populated areas experience. I'm more concerned about how we would access District Nurses, pain relief, stuff like that rather than home support/hospice/care home, as we will be providing his care at home and should manage it all between us.

And regarding the Immigration process - his wife is unable to travel to the UK while immigration clearance is ongoing. Is there a way to expedite this to get him home this week does anyone think? As much as he wants to be here to die, he doesn't want to be here without her. I have plans to phone Immigration in the morning from over here to see what we can do, as I feel this is the biggest challenge we are going to face.

I know this isn't a very common situation, but does anyone have anything similar that they could share with me, or have any professional insight regarding accessing District Nurses or Immigration?

I'm also trying to suss out what services we will need to get him home - private ambulance from the hospital to my house, a hospital bed (can I even get one of these in the house if I don't have access to OTs? Pain management in the community etc. Is there anything else I haven' considered that I need to look into?

I know we are probably chasing something that isn't possible, but I want to make sure I'm doing everything I can to meet his wishes.

Any thoughts or advice would be great please!

OP posts:
BurnoutGP · 10/05/2026 22:14

Soontobe60 · 10/05/2026 22:11

Ironically I have just been to visit a close friend whose husband has recently died. He saw his oncology consultant who say told him he had a couple of weeks left. The wheels were put in motion to support him at home, including macmillan nurses, hospital bed, end of life medication etc. it was 4 days before the health visitor visited closely followed by his GP. He died the day after still waiting for pain relief and support.
18 months ago my stepfather was discharged from A+ E back to his care home on an end of life pathway, the GP carried out a video call via a staff members phone whilst we were in his bedroom. He confirmed that yes, my SF was indeed dying and thought he’d be dead by the following morning. So you’ll forgive my being very angry at the lack of end of life care from GPs. The system is broken.

This is not the thread for the usual MN GP/NHS bashing. Read the sodding room.

BurnoutGP · 10/05/2026 22:13

He's not moving abroad FGS he's coming home. I despair. He is entitled to NHS care/GP registration from the day he sets foot in the UK.

tiredwardsister · 10/05/2026 22:12

TeaPot496 · 10/05/2026 22:03

You haven't. Please stop.

I work for NHS Scotland because we provide health care at the point of need to all who need it regardless of their circumstances, no questions asked.
If it turns out after they’ve received the care that they are abusing the system whatever the hell that means so be it and maybe some pen pusher will chase them or their country of origin up for cost of the care but this doesn’t mean that at the point of need they won’t receive what the care they need.
This is how it should be.

TeaPot496 · 10/05/2026 22:11

Jesus, there is so much ignorance out there about the special, completely FREE provision for end of life care at home.

My family benefitted from this and I am so very grateful to each of you on this thread who provide such utterly important care. You make such a difference.

Allseeingallknowing · 10/05/2026 22:11

BurnoutGP · 10/05/2026 22:07

Please stop talking nonsense. Not sure what you experienced or why but the information you are giving is incorrect.
Anyone living in Scotland can access primary care services at a GP practice without charge, regardless of nationality or immigration status. Patients do not need to be "ordinarily resident," so asylum seekers, refugees, students, and those with no fixed address can register. Registration requires no documentation.

https://www.nhs.uk/using-the-nhs/healthcare-abroad/moving-abroad/planning-your-healthcare/

nhs.uk

Planning your healthcare when living abroad

Healthcare information and advice for UK nationals moving to, or working in, the EU, Iceland, Liechtenstein, Norway and Switzerland.

https://www.nhs.uk/using-the-nhs/healthcare-abroad/moving-abroad/planning-your-healthcare/

Mayflower282 · 10/05/2026 22:11

In all honesty a long haul flight whilst about to start hospice care would be horrendous, not to mention jet lag. It sounds like it’s all been left too late. His wife is unlikely to be able to be able to get into UK by the sounds of the visa situation. I think he needs to accept it’s not gonna happen.

Soontobe60 · 10/05/2026 22:11

BurnoutGP · 10/05/2026 20:42

That is all nonsense. Every surgery i know has excellent palliative care. As a GP we would register immediately. One of us would go out to see him and start the palliative process. Same day referral to district nurse and community palliative care. Who are excellent. He can most certainly be facilitated to die at home. Am sick and tired of this scaremongering.

Ironically I have just been to visit a close friend whose husband has recently died. He saw his oncology consultant who say told him he had a couple of weeks left. The wheels were put in motion to support him at home, including macmillan nurses, hospital bed, end of life medication etc. it was 4 days before the health visitor visited closely followed by his GP. He died the day after still waiting for pain relief and support.
18 months ago my stepfather was discharged from A+ E back to his care home on an end of life pathway, the GP carried out a video call via a staff members phone whilst we were in his bedroom. He confirmed that yes, my SF was indeed dying and thought he’d be dead by the following morning. So you’ll forgive my being very angry at the lack of end of life care from GPs. The system is broken.

suki1964 · 10/05/2026 22:09

Sorry for your impending loss

You cant bring him home to die expecting services. , they arent available , its a post code lottery

Mum went into hospital 5th Feb this year, they scanned her that night in A&E and I saw the results. I knew she wasnt coming out, It took the hospital 10 days to call me to see the consultant to get the diagnosis. I asked there and then for hospice care. Got told not end of life, we are getting a care package and discharging. Mum had a driver for a week, a catheter, then that weekend had a heart attack and was bed bound - we are discharging her.

Mum passed 1st March, and we were so very lucky that she spent her last 48hrs on a macmillan unit, because I refused to bring her home,

At home she would have died in agony , there was no carers in place and certainly no macmillan or Marie curie , and without them your hands, and your GP's are tied

Please dont think bringing him home is the best thing for him

Sorry that's not what you want to hear, but that's how the NHS deal with end of life - you have to be very very lucky to get the care and death you want

swingingbytheseat · 10/05/2026 22:07

Op, with love I wouldn’t recommend doing this. It’s too much stress for all of you and the flight home would likely be horrendous. Can you stay with him in the US?

BurnoutGP · 10/05/2026 22:07

Please stop talking nonsense. Not sure what you experienced or why but the information you are giving is incorrect.
Anyone living in Scotland can access primary care services at a GP practice without charge, regardless of nationality or immigration status. Patients do not need to be "ordinarily resident," so asylum seekers, refugees, students, and those with no fixed address can register. Registration requires no documentation.

Allseeingallknowing · 10/05/2026 22:06

TeaPot496 · 10/05/2026 22:03

You haven't. Please stop.

Excuse me ! You’re the one who needs to stop.I lived for years abroad and had to go through the process, which I respected , unlike those who didn’t inform the relevant authorities that they were living abroad and flew back and forth for NHS care.

BurnoutGP · 10/05/2026 22:05

Everyone in England has the right to register and access GP care free of charge, regardless of their immigration status, nationality, or permanent address. This includes, but is not limited to, homeless individuals, gypsies, travelers, and foreign visitors. Registration does not require proof of identity, address, or an NHS number.
I work in wales and it's the same here. Assume Scotland is the same.

tiredwardsister · 10/05/2026 22:05

Allseeingallknowing · 10/05/2026 21:59

I am right in saying that once you live abroad you are not eligible for free NHS care. Only when you move back and can prove you have moved back permanently. I went through the process, having lived abroad myself.,

Do you live in Scotland?
Do you work in EOL or primary care?
Do you know anything about NHS Scotland?
I recently looked after an Indian man who was dying no one asked him when he arrived here had he paid taxes, if he lived here permanently.
For all I my colleagues and his GP knew he’d arrived here 3 weeks ago never paid a penny in UK taxes and was only here on holiday or maybe he’d lived here all his life was a British citizen and paid taxes at 43%.
No one is interested was dying and needed care and he received it.

Blushingm · 10/05/2026 22:04

BurnoutGP · 10/05/2026 20:42

That is all nonsense. Every surgery i know has excellent palliative care. As a GP we would register immediately. One of us would go out to see him and start the palliative process. Same day referral to district nurse and community palliative care. Who are excellent. He can most certainly be facilitated to die at home. Am sick and tired of this scaremongering.

As a district nurse I second this. No one needs to die in hospital if home is where they’d prefer

BurnoutGP · 10/05/2026 22:04

Allseeingallknowing · 10/05/2026 22:02

I have experienced this. It is not nonsense. Plenty abused the system though

Edited

Yes it is. Please stop talking about things you dont know anything about.

TeaPot496 · 10/05/2026 22:03

Allseeingallknowing · 10/05/2026 22:02

I have experienced this. It is not nonsense. Plenty abused the system though

Edited

You haven't. Please stop.

BurnoutGP · 10/05/2026 22:03

tiredwardsister · 10/05/2026 22:00

What is wrong with people please do not worry the OP with things you clearly know nothing about. NHS Scotland will provide free EOL care to the OPs father regardless of where he has been living and even if he hasn’t contributed a penny in tax in his whole life.

Exactly this. The level of social media scaremongering and nonsense on this thread is scary.

Allseeingallknowing · 10/05/2026 22:02

TeaPot496 · 10/05/2026 21:57

Why are you citing nonsense? Your username is very inappropriate!

I have experienced this. It is not nonsense. Plenty abused the system though

BurnoutGP · 10/05/2026 22:02

ScrollingLeaves · 10/05/2026 21:44

he won’t be registered with one, so he would be struggling with pain

He only left in 2019 so he may well be registered with his old GP.

unlikely but he can be registered on the day he arrives

tiredwardsister · 10/05/2026 22:00

What is wrong with people please do not worry the OP with things you clearly know nothing about. NHS Scotland will provide free EOL care to the OPs father regardless of where he has been living and even if he hasn’t contributed a penny in tax in his whole life.

Toddlerteaplease · 10/05/2026 21:59

I am not sure you can arrange anything until he gets here. Based on previous experience with a patient who needed to go to Belfast. She needed care package, but it couldn’t be set up
until she arrived. Which basically kiboshed the plan.

Allseeingallknowing · 10/05/2026 21:59

BurnoutGP · 10/05/2026 21:54

Wrong again. Once you are back in the UK with the intention to be resident you are entitled certainly to immediately necessary care and GP and community care.

I am right in saying that once you live abroad you are not eligible for free NHS care. Only when you move back and can prove you have moved back permanently. I went through the process, having lived abroad myself.,

Purpleturtle45 · 10/05/2026 21:58

No advice but wish you all well and well done for trying so hard to support his final wish. 💕

TeaPot496 · 10/05/2026 21:57

Allseeingallknowing · 10/05/2026 21:56

If they didn’t tell the GP they were moving abroad, which they’re supposed to do, he might still be registered, but once you live abroad permanently you forgo NHS care.

Why are you citing nonsense? Your username is very inappropriate!

tiredwardsister · 10/05/2026 21:57

ScrollingLeaves · 10/05/2026 21:49

Would you be able to hire someone to help you? (Expensive.) When someone’s body begins to shut down they become incontinent, and it is quite difficult to deal with on an emotional level because it feels so undignified for a parent to be in this position, and difficult physically for the carer. What if he can’t easily stand up? What if you need to change the sheets underneath him ( it helps so much to have two pairs of hands and there are certain techniques)?

Edited

Care for EOL patients is provided by staff employed by NHS Scotland the OP doesn’t need to hire someone.