Financial envy as a single parent

54 replies

Hhhr123 · 10/05/2026 20:10

Embarrassed to admit this in real life. Before I get slated that everyone works hard, I do recognise that. However, I spent several years in education with a lot of debt and eventually got into a lucrative career. I met someone who royally screwed me over and although sees our DD, basically leaves everything to me.

DD has started to make ‘proper’ friends at nursery now (almost leaving nursery) which has meant we’ve had some invites to other people’s houses.

There’s no non blunt way to say this but my home is usually not as nice as those I visit and on the face of it these people think me and DD are very well off (based on mine and DD’s dad’s career). Outing if I say what they are specifically.

I just feel a bit… flat? I don’t know really. I’m so aware this is an awful way to feel and I know I need to snap out of this fast. It’s just been hard seeing people in objectively less lucrative jobs with half the stress have immaculate living rooms and massive TVs and plush carpets.. all things I just can’t afford as a single parent so whilst my home is nice it’s quite shabby in places.

The lending ability I guess is greater when there’s two applicants and although my home value wise is worth similar to these people I just can’t afford to furnish it in the same way. Only yesterday I was at DD’s friend’s house and being told they were off on a 4k holiday soon. These things are wildly out of my reach despite being in the top ten percent of earners.

I don’t know why I’m posting really. I know it’s an awful way to feel and material things or flashy holidays don’t matter. I suppose I feel bad for DD, mum has the career but she doesn’t get the benefits, if anything she had a mum very focused on work and panicking about being a sole earner. Self pity isn’t attractive, I just needed to let this out somewhere.

OP posts:

Original poster

Hhhr123 · 10/05/2026 20:41

Thanks for the kind replies.

The weird thing is I have no envy whatsoever towards people being in marriages or partnerships, I’m actually quite happy day to day. I just am really struggling with the fact I don’t have the same ability to finance our lives as those who share their lives with someone. People in my line of work typically are wealthy and in glossy homes… I have a nice home but it’s not furnished to high standards. I also would be fearful to get a nice car as it’s just a financial risk I can’t take even though I could technically afford one. I feel bitter about it and like I’m slogging out the hours career wise but actually have nothing much to show for it.

OP posts:

WhereIsAllThisGoing · 10/05/2026 20:36

I hear you. I am in a similar position - no input from my children's father - household and family costs are indeed much harder on just one income. If I talk about finances being tight, my friends (2 income households) say they know exactly how I feel because they're really really skint too. Makes me feel like I must really really be on the breadline! I just avoid talking about money now and nod and smile at the "my husband is away a lot so I'm practically a single parent too" comments (their husbands bring in a wage and have a pension and company car so really no, really nothing like a single parent, financially-speaking!)

Nothing wiser to add but you are not alone.

HedgehogMugs · 10/05/2026 20:31

My DD is 6 and goes to a village school where every other person is wealthy.We love in a 2 bed above a shop. Her bestie? in a 6 bed detached house where just the "playroom" is bigger than the floorplan of our flat.
Parents have brand new range rovers, Tesla e, go on holiday to Japan, Dubai, Aruba and on safari.... This is in one year.

It sometime helps that the wealth they have is so abnormal it is easy to "make peace" with the difference.

After all, kids don't need massive houses or 4 cars to be driven around in.

Grind come around to ours happily and the mods have fun splashing in puddles and out house is ",fun" because they do stuff like make dens out of cardboard boxes or collect snails from the back courtyard 😂😂

Losingtheplot2016 · 10/05/2026 20:27

Just want to acknowledge your honesty. I think feeling jealous about money/partners/kids/houses is really common and you are truly not alone in any way.

But what to do about it …..it’s the resentment that poisons you. Resentment towards other people, your partner, possibly even yourself etc. I think fighting this is about working hard to be grateful for what you’ve got. As in writing it down over and over again. Reading it every day.

You can’t possibly know what goes on in other people’s lives. The way they are being presented to you and the stories you are telling yourself, will NOT be the truth. Do yon really want these peoples lives?

we see the world through the lenses we have created. You have power to change the way you see things.

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