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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask if you've mastered the art of not feeling bad about an ageing face

266 replies

CurdinHenry · 10/05/2026 17:43

I spend too much on vanity and think it would be sensible to roll it back and stop thinking about it (I'm soon to turn 45). Obviously physical health is important but I mean the Botox/etc side of things.

HOWEVER my eyelids bother me and so will my everything else when it all eventually starts to go natural. I'll still dye my hair forever unless Armageddon happens in my lifetime.

I think the forties are an age of power and I am so pleased with my career and everything else so I want to stop being weakened by this one thing.

OP posts:
LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 10/05/2026 19:05

CurdinHenry · 10/05/2026 19:02

Yep. Depressing but true.

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It’s depressing that people value looks rather than skills, I agree. Luckily not everyone is that shallow or vain.

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 10/05/2026 19:04

corblimeygvnr · 10/05/2026 19:01

It has been proven that people who are attractive tend to be more successful in their careers and earn more 🤷‍♀️

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Some of us have sufficient intelligence that looks don’t matter. I, with my rough looks and lack of Botox, have recently got my dream job due to my skillset and passion.

Original poster
CurdinHenry · 10/05/2026 19:02

corblimeygvnr · 10/05/2026 19:01

It has been proven that people who are attractive tend to be more successful in their careers and earn more 🤷‍♀️

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Yep. Depressing but true.

OP posts:
LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 10/05/2026 19:01

Backincontrol · 10/05/2026 18:53

Wow. That’s an interesting view.

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Possibly. But I don’t know how people find the time and energy to place so much importance on something that is unlikely to last and could actually disappear tomorrow.

corblimeygvnr · 10/05/2026 19:01

Backincontrol · 10/05/2026 18:55

Wtf!

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It has been proven that people who are attractive tend to be more successful in their careers and earn more 🤷‍♀️

Backincontrol · 10/05/2026 19:01

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 10/05/2026 18:58

Oh well then I’m fucked. Do you truly believe that? How shallow the world is that they would pass over someone with brains who could actually contribute something to rescue someone who they think is good looking, regardless of abilities

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OP should be embarrassed by her comment. It’s messed up!

@CurdinHenry

Miranda65 · 10/05/2026 19:00

Of course it's fine..... ageing is totally normal.
Who wants all the faff and expense of cosmetic treatments?
Not to mention the fact that people who have had "work" don't look younger, they just look odd and unnatural..... I give you the Met Gala, all those bland, "perfect" faces..... totally creepy, tbh.
Just relax, drink lots of water and enjoy getting older!

TheBlueKoala · 10/05/2026 19:00

Superhansrantowindsor · 10/05/2026 18:02

Thing is, when people get work done they don’t look younger. You can have the best aesthetician in the world but you are never going to look 25 again. There is just no point. Eat well, keep your hair nicely styled and put together nice outfits. Smile and be nice. You’ll look stunning whatever your age.
growing old is a privilege denied to many. Embrace it.

This! I'm 46 and people my age who gets botox/ plastic surgery do not look younger. They just look like a botoxed 40 year something. I think they are pathetic but wouldn't say it to their face ofcourse.

GentleSheep · 10/05/2026 18:59

In 70 and have weathered hypothyroidism and Bell's Palsy. My face ain't what it once was. Lots of lines and wrinkles. It's all perfectly fine. I think of my beloved grandmother's face, laced with many lines. It's somehow comforting to see my own face like that now.

Allseeingallknowing · 10/05/2026 18:58

CharlotteStreetW1 · 10/05/2026 18:41

Yes, many years someone gave me a positive affirmation for looking in the mirror: smile and say to yourself "I'm going to like what I see".

It really works unless it's in the loo on the first floor at work - that mirror is fucking brutal!.

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Don’t look in the mirror at the hairdresser. It’s cruel, and ages you by 10 years!

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 10/05/2026 18:58

CurdinHenry · 10/05/2026 18:50

I actually think looking attractive in situations that are awful is even more important. Attractive people are more likely to find people willing to help them survive.

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Oh well then I’m fucked. Do you truly believe that? How shallow the world is that they would pass over someone with brains who could actually contribute something to rescue someone who they think is good looking, regardless of abilities

corblimeygvnr · 10/05/2026 18:57

Not all people who get any facial or other procedures are wanting to look 25. They may just want to be a better version of their current self. OP mentions her eyelids so she could get them done. It's her choice the same as it is anyone's choice to go grey or whatever . There's too many people on here ready to jump on anyone who wants to look their best - how about free choice? Yes people die young, yes no one knows how long they will live, yes the world is going to shit in a handcart - so what?

Greywizardpirate · 10/05/2026 18:57

I don’t care, I’m just happy I’m alive. Also as I wear glasses, I just take them off and it takes 20 years off! When I’m looking in the mirror.
I also stopped dyeing my hair as it only lasted a week before the grey was back and I couldn’t be arsed anymore

Fullofcorn · 10/05/2026 18:57

WeRideAtEightForEightThirty · 10/05/2026 18:56

Calm down. Her thread is literally about getting over it.

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But very clearly not even vaguely close to getting over it

if you truly believe that you grew up ugly and that you were told this many times @CurdinHenry - I think you’d benefit from therapy

Octavia64 · 10/05/2026 18:56

Yes.

this is because I am in a wheelchair and struggle to walk.

my ageing face is the least of my problems.

WeRideAtEightForEightThirty · 10/05/2026 18:56

Reluctantlyhere · 10/05/2026 17:57

For goodness sake, get over yourself. You could die of cancer tomorrow. Life is too short to waste on beauty treatments (btw men really don't care what your nails look like). You will also have much more spare cash if you don't waste it on unnecessary beauty nonsense.

Calm down. Her thread is literally about getting over it.

Backincontrol · 10/05/2026 18:55

CurdinHenry · 10/05/2026 18:50

I actually think looking attractive in situations that are awful is even more important. Attractive people are more likely to find people willing to help them survive.

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Wtf!

blueshoes · 10/05/2026 18:54

CurdinHenry · 10/05/2026 18:15

He thinks I'm beautiful and when I raised the possibility of getting a blepharoplasty he said he would be really upset by it if I did because it's unnecessary.

I am very lucky to have him!! It's not just about sexual attractiveness, though.

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The only thing that will help get rid of excess skin in the upper eye lid is an upper blepharoplasty. As far as cosmetic surgery goes, it is a fairly straightforward procedure done under local anaesthetic.

If you want an upper bleph, your dh should support you in that rather than require you to battle his feelings as well. That is emotional blackmail dressed up as 'love' and a tad controlling.

What is important is what you want.

Ilovegolf · 10/05/2026 18:54

Katemax82 · 10/05/2026 18:47

My husband is 10 years older than me (I'm 44 in a few weeks)
He worships the ground I walk on. So as a result I don't give a fuck about getting old

My DH is older than me by more than that and even after a long marriage thinks I’m the best thing since sliced bread (poor chap!) I still care, for me.

Backincontrol · 10/05/2026 18:53

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 10/05/2026 18:51

I was never good looking and didn’t bother with makeup and skincare at all etc as it seemed pointless. I’m grateful that I didn’t when I see the angst from women about getting older. It didn’t hold me back in life.

If looking older bothers you, you have clearly benefitted from being attractive at some point. So that’s perhaps something to be grateful for?

Wow. That’s an interesting view.

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 10/05/2026 18:51

I was never good looking and didn’t bother with makeup and skincare at all etc as it seemed pointless. I’m grateful that I didn’t when I see the angst from women about getting older. It didn’t hold me back in life.

If looking older bothers you, you have clearly benefitted from being attractive at some point. So that’s perhaps something to be grateful for?

Backincontrol · 10/05/2026 18:51

Katemax82 · 10/05/2026 18:47

My husband is 10 years older than me (I'm 44 in a few weeks)
He worships the ground I walk on. So as a result I don't give a fuck about getting old

Tbf, you’ll always look young to him as he’s 10 years ahead of you.

Original poster
CurdinHenry · 10/05/2026 18:50

Twattergy · 10/05/2026 18:41

I think not looking in the mirror too much helps tbh. I am mourning the loss of my 'young' (ie non droopy, or lined) face as I head towards 51. I am at the stage where I get a bit of a shock seeing myself in photos etc. Im still quite confident in my looks and keep my skin and hair healthy, but still, I do feel sadness to observe my face aging. Looks-wise, my aim is now to be an attractive older woman, not to look young. Practising gratitude helps greatly. There are people on this planet who would give anything to have something as shallow as an aging face as one of their few worries.

I actually think looking attractive in situations that are awful is even more important. Attractive people are more likely to find people willing to help them survive.

OP posts:
Katemax82 · 10/05/2026 18:47

My husband is 10 years older than me (I'm 44 in a few weeks)
He worships the ground I walk on. So as a result I don't give a fuck about getting old

Original poster
CurdinHenry · 10/05/2026 18:47

Ilovegolf · 10/05/2026 18:42

Nope. I couldn’t give a shiny shite what men or women think and I’m obviously never going to look 24 again, nor would I want to. It’s for me. And as an educated, articulate, financially independent woman, I know why I make the choices I do, better than you.

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Yeah I agree tbh. I want to look like how I feel inside (which is my age but a confident and appealing version of it).

OP posts: