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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask if you've mastered the art of not feeling bad about an ageing face

266 replies

CurdinHenry · 10/05/2026 17:43

I spend too much on vanity and think it would be sensible to roll it back and stop thinking about it (I'm soon to turn 45). Obviously physical health is important but I mean the Botox/etc side of things.

HOWEVER my eyelids bother me and so will my everything else when it all eventually starts to go natural. I'll still dye my hair forever unless Armageddon happens in my lifetime.

I think the forties are an age of power and I am so pleased with my career and everything else so I want to stop being weakened by this one thing.

OP posts:
Fullofcorn · 10/05/2026 19:23

Get help op

Original poster
CurdinHenry · 10/05/2026 19:23

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 10/05/2026 19:16

Wow. You do have issues. I know someone who has spent a fortune on her looks but has the personality of a dishcloth.

I am going to ask again - what chances do ugly people miss out on? Specifically please, as I’m curious

Stop projecting your own childhood crap onto everyone else - despite what you claim, you are in fact punching down.

You apparently had an attractive period in your life - well good for you, be grateful and concentrate on something that matters.

As I said on another thread, I fucked my way across the county back in the day despite being ugly.

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Ugly people earn less, get promoted less, get sacked more, have fewer friends and fewer sexual partners.

OP posts:
Kinfluencer · 10/05/2026 19:21

ThisOneLife · 10/05/2026 17:49

My only sibling died when not much older than you and one of my children died as a baby. Looking older doesn’t bother me a jot, I just think how happy both of them would be to have an aging face.

People who are obsessed with their looks and have loads of procedures are usually very boring to be with and tend to look quite odd. Self obsession is a pretty unattractive characteristic. Better to put effort into exercise, keeping healthy and eating good food. I dress well and make the most of the hand that nature has dealt me. Life is too short to spend looking in a mirror.

This plus soon you will be older than you are now so just stop and enjoy life now.
Its SUCH a waste of your time, energy and money and its rooted in insecurity.
Stop outsourcing your need for validation to others, its so empowering !

Aliceisagooddog · 10/05/2026 19:20

Well aging is better than the alternative 😅.
But seriously, I prefer to concentrate on health and longevity, diet and strength training etc, which hopefully makes me look a bit better too!

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 10/05/2026 19:20

corblimeygvnr · 10/05/2026 19:17

Jesus that's not really a claim to fame is it ? 😂

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A "claim to fame" is a reason why a person, place, or thing is famous or well-known. It is often used to describe a specific, defining accomplishment, a unique talent, or a singular, often minor, fact that makes someone or something stand out.

So no, it’s not a ‘claim to fame’ but the OP and I had been on the same thread.

corblimeygvnr · 10/05/2026 19:17

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 10/05/2026 19:16

Wow. You do have issues. I know someone who has spent a fortune on her looks but has the personality of a dishcloth.

I am going to ask again - what chances do ugly people miss out on? Specifically please, as I’m curious

Stop projecting your own childhood crap onto everyone else - despite what you claim, you are in fact punching down.

You apparently had an attractive period in your life - well good for you, be grateful and concentrate on something that matters.

As I said on another thread, I fucked my way across the county back in the day despite being ugly.

Show quote history

Jesus that's not really a claim to fame is it ? 😂

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 10/05/2026 19:16

Fullofcorn · 10/05/2026 19:12

This op is literally all over mumsnet talking about her looks and worrying about losing them and fillers, and surgery and treatment

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And the only way to make herself feel better is make others feel bad. That is fucked up,

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 10/05/2026 19:16

CurdinHenry · 10/05/2026 19:11

I speak as a former and returning ugly faod

I know how different it is and I'm not punching down

There are endless studies demonstrating the professional and social benefits of being attractive it's simply not sustainable to argue otherwise

Obviously one can decide to live resiliently in spite of this but I like being a presence others are excited to encounter

I like flirting with men who find me intriguing too so sue me

Show quote history

Wow. You do have issues. I know someone who has spent a fortune on her looks but has the personality of a dishcloth.

I am going to ask again - what chances do ugly people miss out on? Specifically please, as I’m curious

Stop projecting your own childhood crap onto everyone else - despite what you claim, you are in fact punching down.

You apparently had an attractive period in your life - well good for you, be grateful and concentrate on something that matters.

As I said on another thread, I fucked my way across the county back in the day despite being ugly.

TheBlueKoala · 10/05/2026 19:13

Fullofcorn · 10/05/2026 19:12

This op is literally all over mumsnet talking about her looks and worrying about losing them and fillers, and surgery and treatment

Show quote history

That is unattractice.

Moanella · 10/05/2026 19:13

TakemedowntoPotatoCity · 10/05/2026 17:53

I hate the fact that my mouth is beginning to turn down at the edges giving me permanent resting bitch face, but I just wouldn't ever consider Botox - it looks awful .

This is what’s bothering me too, although the rest of my face is in fairly good nick at 47. I’m going for a first consultation next week, to see if there’s anything that can be done without surgery. I’m not sure about sticking needles in my face but don’t like looking so grumpy when I’m honestly not!
Weight loss hasn’t helped.

Fullofcorn · 10/05/2026 19:12

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 10/05/2026 19:11

Low self confidence is one thing, projecting onto others is ridiculous.

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This op is literally all over mumsnet talking about her looks and worrying about losing them and fillers, and surgery and treatment

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 10/05/2026 19:11

Fullofcorn · 10/05/2026 19:10

Seriously op
to have grown up being told and thinking you are ugly is going to have consequences later on in life. And this is it. You’re all over mumsnet talking about surgery and lip fillers and worrying about aging. It’s endless and not healthy

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Low self confidence is one thing, projecting onto others is ridiculous.

Original poster
CurdinHenry · 10/05/2026 19:11

Tbh I like flirting with women too

OP posts:
Ilovegolf · 10/05/2026 19:11

TheBlueKoala · 10/05/2026 19:00

This! I'm 46 and people my age who gets botox/ plastic surgery do not look younger. They just look like a botoxed 40 year something. I think they are pathetic but wouldn't say it to their face ofcourse.

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“Pathetic”? Judgemental much? Part of the reason I give literally no fucks what anyone else thinks of me is because I honestly give no fucks what anyone else does to their face. Or in life actually, as long as it doesn’t hurt anyone else. Not my business. Judging people as “ pathetic” is a you problem.

Original poster
CurdinHenry · 10/05/2026 19:11

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 10/05/2026 19:09

Well thanks for that. What sort of experiences are us uglies missing out on?

Show quote history

I speak as a former and returning ugly faod

I know how different it is and I'm not punching down

There are endless studies demonstrating the professional and social benefits of being attractive it's simply not sustainable to argue otherwise

Obviously one can decide to live resiliently in spite of this but I like being a presence others are excited to encounter

I like flirting with men who find me intriguing too so sue me

OP posts:
Fullofcorn · 10/05/2026 19:10

CurdinHenry · 10/05/2026 19:09

Shhhh

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Seriously op
to have grown up being told and thinking you are ugly is going to have consequences later on in life. And this is it. You’re all over mumsnet talking about surgery and lip fillers and worrying about aging. It’s endless and not healthy

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 10/05/2026 19:10

corblimeygvnr · 10/05/2026 19:07

Yes of course it's only a "trend" not an absolute rule.

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I don’t work in a shallow industry luckily. None of the people who have climbed the greasy pole are particularly good looking, just very good at their jobs

DeftGoldHedgehog · 10/05/2026 19:09

I focus on health and fitness and eating good food and don't worry too much about wrinkles.

Original poster
CurdinHenry · 10/05/2026 19:09

Fullofcorn · 10/05/2026 19:08

You have very serious issues dating back to your childhood op and you need professional support to talk it through

Shhhh

OP posts:
LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 10/05/2026 19:09

CurdinHenry · 10/05/2026 19:06

Yes ok good for you but physical attractiveness is the ticket to a panoply of amazing experiences that unattractiveness people do not get to enjoy

Obviously ugly people can be successful but it's not the same life

Obviously one must accept de facto ugliness eventually unless very lucky

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Well thanks for that. What sort of experiences are us uglies missing out on?

Fullofcorn · 10/05/2026 19:08

You have very serious issues dating back to your childhood op and you need professional support to talk it through

PedanticPrincess · 10/05/2026 19:08

Not bothered at all. I’m a fairly new grandma and I’m embracing my age (46). I do dye my hair still but not religiously. I think as I’ve aged I’m less bothered about what other people think of me. If they don’t like what they see then they can lump it!

corblimeygvnr · 10/05/2026 19:07

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 10/05/2026 19:04

Some of us have sufficient intelligence that looks don’t matter. I, with my rough looks and lack of Botox, have recently got my dream job due to my skillset and passion.

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Yes of course it's only a "trend" not an absolute rule.

Original poster
CurdinHenry · 10/05/2026 19:06

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 10/05/2026 19:04

Some of us have sufficient intelligence that looks don’t matter. I, with my rough looks and lack of Botox, have recently got my dream job due to my skillset and passion.

Show quote history

Yes ok good for you but physical attractiveness is the ticket to a panoply of amazing experiences that unattractiveness people do not get to enjoy

Obviously ugly people can be successful but it's not the same life

Obviously one must accept de facto ugliness eventually unless very lucky

OP posts:
Backincontrol · 10/05/2026 19:05

corblimeygvnr · 10/05/2026 19:01

It has been proven that people who are attractive tend to be more successful in their careers and earn more 🤷‍♀️

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This was the comment OP was replying to

There are people on this planet who would give anything to have something as shallow as an aging face as one of their few worries

I don’t think it was referring to careers. Most likely much deeper than that -living in war torn countries, physically disabled, loss of a child etc, etc…

It was a pathetic response. And revealed OP is likely shallow.