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Original poster

To ask if you've mastered the art of not feeling bad about an ageing face

266 replies

CurdinHenry · 10/05/2026 17:43

I spend too much on vanity and think it would be sensible to roll it back and stop thinking about it (I'm soon to turn 45). Obviously physical health is important but I mean the Botox/etc side of things.

HOWEVER my eyelids bother me and so will my everything else when it all eventually starts to go natural. I'll still dye my hair forever unless Armageddon happens in my lifetime.

I think the forties are an age of power and I am so pleased with my career and everything else so I want to stop being weakened by this one thing.

OP posts:
FlatErica · 10/05/2026 19:48

CurdinHenry · 10/05/2026 19:46

I think that's wise (as is the pp who said don't look in the mirror too much - I actually don't, believe it or not). I guess I'd just like to master the art of absolutely not caring at all. Not sure if I'll ever get there.

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I don’t think not caring is an art you can master. It’s more of a calling!

Gwenhwyfar · 10/05/2026 19:46

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 10/05/2026 19:42

How did I have a subconscious urge when I made the happy decision to avoid sex and relationships for the rest of my life?

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Because it's nothing to do with celibacy.

Original poster
CurdinHenry · 10/05/2026 19:46

IBlinkedAndBecameMiddleAged · 10/05/2026 19:44

I think that there’s a fine line between wanting to look good and becoming a bit too obsessed over our looks changing with age.

I try to focus my energy on wearing clothes,
doing my hair etc that make me feel good about myself.

An expression I really love is… “you will never be as young and beautiful as you are today” So just enjoy today and feel good about yourself 😊

Edited

I think that's wise (as is the pp who said don't look in the mirror too much - I actually don't, believe it or not). I guess I'd just like to master the art of absolutely not caring at all. Not sure if I'll ever get there.

OP posts:
AcquadiP · 10/05/2026 19:46

Three of my family died at a much younger age than I am now. I'm not saying that I don't roll my eyes and groan whenever I see my wrinkled face and neck in the mirror because I do. But then I tell myself I'm lucky to still be here and to stop whining!

I remember my lovely Nan being very self-conscious about her wrinkles and laughter lines but she had the kindest face, gorgeous blue eyes and when she laughed her whole face lit up. Often, while we're focusing on our wrinkles, other people are focusing on entirely different aspects of our face.

IBlinkedAndBecameMiddleAged · 10/05/2026 19:44

I think that there’s a fine line between wanting to look good and becoming a bit too obsessed over our looks changing with age.

I try to focus my energy on wearing clothes,
doing my hair etc that make me feel good about myself.

An expression I really love is… “you will never be as young and beautiful as you are today” So just enjoy today and feel good about yourself 😊

corblimeygvnr · 10/05/2026 19:44

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 10/05/2026 19:42

How did I have a subconscious urge when I made the happy decision to avoid sex and relationships for the rest of my life?

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You say that's a happy decision for you. Others would think that's just plain weird. Each to their own. How would you like people telling you to get therapy for that?

Original poster
CurdinHenry · 10/05/2026 19:44

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 10/05/2026 19:37

I earn more than my colleagues, have been promoted plenty, never been sacked, have amazing friends (as opposed to having loads of shallow fuckers!) and shagged plenty back in the day.

You spout this crap to what? Justify how you feel about aging?

You clearly find your self esteem from trying to separate yourself from the ‘ugly’ people. You do you but actually it’s not only looks than can be ugly.

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https://www.thetimes.com/uk/science/article/ugly-people-lives-shorter-research-rhphvpr8g

I mean I didn't invent caring about how one looks

It may seem pretty unfair, but ugly people’s lives are shorter

The least attractive men live on average nearly a year less than their better-looking peers, research has found

https://www.thetimes.com/uk/science/article/ugly-people-lives-shorter-research-rhphvpr8g

OP posts:
LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 10/05/2026 19:44

I despair that women still value themselves by how attractive they think they are!

corblimeygvnr · 10/05/2026 19:43

LettuceAndCarrots · 10/05/2026 19:40

When I look at older celebrities who haven't had work done, I think they still look fantastic. They don't look young, they look their age, but I invariably think they look better than the ones who have tried to cheat aging with botox etc.

I am not happy with my teeth or going grey. But I keep thinking about how much it costs to fix those things and what I'd rather do with the money instead and invariably I spend the money on holidays or something! Would anyone in my life love me more with straighter teeth? Would I love my friend more if she hadn't gone grey in her 30s? Um, no.

It's not always about other people ! It may well be about a person wanting to do something for themself. Why can they not do this?

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 10/05/2026 19:42

Gwenhwyfar · 10/05/2026 19:38

I meant the subconscious urge. You may not be aware of it.

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How did I have a subconscious urge when I made the happy decision to avoid sex and relationships for the rest of my life?

LettuceAndCarrots · 10/05/2026 19:40

When I look at older celebrities who haven't had work done, I think they still look fantastic. They don't look young, they look their age, but I invariably think they look better than the ones who have tried to cheat aging with botox etc.

I am not happy with my teeth or going grey. But I keep thinking about how much it costs to fix those things and what I'd rather do with the money instead and invariably I spend the money on holidays or something! Would anyone in my life love me more with straighter teeth? Would I love my friend more if she hadn't gone grey in her 30s? Um, no.

Gwenhwyfar · 10/05/2026 19:39

corblimeygvnr · 10/05/2026 19:38

No that's not true for everyone 😂

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Which part isn't true? That the urge to attract would decline as the hormones decline? I guess it's a big thing for some women.

corblimeygvnr · 10/05/2026 19:38

Gwenhwyfar · 10/05/2026 19:36

I sometimes wonder if this is what the point of menopause is. Once our female hormones decline, we will be less worried about how we look because the subconscious urge to attract won't be there or as strong.

No that's not true for everyone 😂

Gwenhwyfar · 10/05/2026 19:38

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 10/05/2026 19:38

My urge to attract disappeared when I was 30 - I recommend it to anyone 😬

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I meant the subconscious urge. You may not be aware of it.

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 10/05/2026 19:38

Gwenhwyfar · 10/05/2026 19:36

I sometimes wonder if this is what the point of menopause is. Once our female hormones decline, we will be less worried about how we look because the subconscious urge to attract won't be there or as strong.

My urge to attract disappeared when I was 30 - I recommend it to anyone 😬

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 10/05/2026 19:37

CurdinHenry · 10/05/2026 19:23

Ugly people earn less, get promoted less, get sacked more, have fewer friends and fewer sexual partners.

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I earn more than my colleagues, have been promoted plenty, never been sacked, have amazing friends (as opposed to having loads of shallow fuckers!) and shagged plenty back in the day.

You spout this crap to what? Justify how you feel about aging?

You clearly find your self esteem from trying to separate yourself from the ‘ugly’ people. You do you but actually it’s not only looks than can be ugly.

Gwenhwyfar · 10/05/2026 19:36

I sometimes wonder if this is what the point of menopause is. Once our female hormones decline, we will be less worried about how we look because the subconscious urge to attract won't be there or as strong.

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 10/05/2026 19:31

CurdinHenry · 10/05/2026 19:24

I know plenty of people don't feel bad about themselves and I think that's great. Hence the thread.

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The first step is to stop focussing on shit that doesn’t matter. And stop spouting crap about looks being the answer to everything.

I don’t feel bad about myself because I know my value. It sounds like you could benefit from therapy.

Someone could be the most beautiful person on the planet and then have an accident which takes their looks away in a heartbeat.

And many people are not shallow enough to value people purely on looks. As you are finding out, looks fade but personality doesn’t.

Original poster
CurdinHenry · 10/05/2026 19:30

Butdoyouactually · 10/05/2026 19:27

I’m not worried about getting older as such I just want to look as good as I can for my age. So I do wear makeup I have very slight filler here and there and a slight amount of Botox. I think I look exactly my age but good for it if you know what I mean?

Totally and I think this is the ideal

OP posts:
Fullofcorn · 10/05/2026 19:27

Raise this with your Monday psychiatrist appointment?

Butdoyouactually · 10/05/2026 19:27

I’m not worried about getting older as such I just want to look as good as I can for my age. So I do wear makeup I have very slight filler here and there and a slight amount of Botox. I think I look exactly my age but good for it if you know what I mean?

SpecialAgentMaggieBell · 10/05/2026 19:26

CurdinHenry · 10/05/2026 19:23

Ugly people earn less, get promoted less, get sacked more, have fewer friends and fewer sexual partners.

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I’ve only shagged 2 people in my entire life, and I’m pretty good looking. 😂

SpecialAgentMaggieBell · 10/05/2026 19:24

My hands look like old woman hands now, which bothers me. But my face? Meh, we all age. I use day and night cream and eye cream that’s as much I’ll do to combat wrinkles. I stopped wearing makeup years ago because my eyes are that frigging sensitive I end up looking like I’ve been punched in both eyes if I wear anything more than mascara!

I see women getting treatments, Botox, lip fillers, face lifts and they look good for 5 minutes and then look like those ridiculous people from the Capital in the Hunger Games. No thanks!

KimTheresPeopleThatAreDying · 10/05/2026 19:24

@Vroomfondleswaistcoat me too! It’s so nice not to be “the ugly friend” who gets disregarded on a night out. The reward for being plain in youth is that we feel the effects of ageing less sharply than our more conventionally attractive contemporaries. Personally, I am embracing invisibility.

Original poster
CurdinHenry · 10/05/2026 19:24

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 10/05/2026 19:16

And the only way to make herself feel better is make others feel bad. That is fucked up,

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I know plenty of people don't feel bad about themselves and I think that's great. Hence the thread.

OP posts:
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