To ask if you've mastered the art of not feeling bad about an ageing face

When I was 15 a good friends sister who was 17 died. I am 60 this year if I have ever for even a second felt even the teeniest bit maudlin in my life about anything I think Suzanne never ever got to live life as she died on the brink of womanhood, neither the good or the bad bits. Even when my DD died I thought at least I got to be a Mother.

So no I have never really cared about getting older. I went to a good friends birthday party on Saturday. There were women there I hadn’t seen since we left school in the 1980’s. What a laugh it was. We were the same people the girl who was ditzy and the sweetest person ever was the same, the fashionista still the same, birthday girl still wild as anything.

I’m happy with my crumbling face. I’m blonde and have soft skin so feel like I may look older than I am but so what?
I have one deep line where the ‘11’s are and it does bother me sometimes but then I forget about it.
I do a small amount of skincare, gua sha when i remember.
A good way for me to not worry about it too much is to look at the much older celebrities and others who have had work done and how awful they all look. Play the long game

I have always hated that pressure on women. I chose to turn my back on it but I’m AUDHD (although I didn’t know it at the time), which made certain things much simpler

Being a woman is tough. Recently read Girl on Girl which I recommend, it’s a book about how popular culture has turned women against themselves- particularly millennials. Men don’t really have to deal with this. The worst thing they have to worry about is going bald which I know is tough for some of them. If they get wrinkles or grey hair it’s considered hot but women have to cover the same things up.

Well then I suggest you go look elsewhere. Of course my way isn’t the only way - I would never suggest that. In fact I would be surprised if anyone did things the same.

I think people should do whatever they need to do to make their lives more pleasant - including makeup, fillers etc if that makes them happy.

Several people have pointed out that the OP has issues from her childhood. Hence the suggestion of.therapy. She clearly feels very strongly about losing her looks and keeps posting things about how ugly people don’t get rescued in survival situations etc.

Hang on
No one said you have to shuffle around in sackcloth with a scrubbed face!

Op is talking about the psychological issue of obsession with ageing , in that it is causing mental distress, she has started other threads.
This is a deep self esteem issue

I love getting my hair done, wear make up, keep fit etc because I want to look my best, thats not about looking younger .
All the stuff you see on Insta is smoke and mirrors , completely staged and heavily filtered, hair is professionally styled,make up artists, lighting etc
They might be in a meadow clutching a bunch of wild flowers and "just tumbled out of bed, I always look like this " but hours will have gone into getting that shot.

The plastic surgery industry is just that, an industry
30 year olds getting facelifts FFS!
I think there will be some huge legal actions in the coming years when they realise what they have done and ruined their faces

Yes this. Why on earth does it have to be one or the other?
I am hugely grateful to be alive and in (relative) good health at 50 but still have an interest in how I look

I’m not bothered about physically ageing. I get my nails done regularly though and it sure as hell ain’t for the men.

So misogynistic to assume that whenever women do or feel anything it’s linked to the need to impress men.

Ageing doesn't exactly come as a surprise does it? I feel like I've had all my life to prepare for it. When I saw my first grey hair I thought, well, I had a good innings but here it is, the thing that was inevitably coming all along.

I also firmly believe youth is how you feel. I simply don't feel old in spirit yet so I don't consider myself old. I'm fitter and healthier than when I was young, by a long way. I'm smarter and more confident, too. I couldn't pass for 25, sure, but that really doesn't matter. (The thing with putting all that effort and money and time into anti-ageing techniques is that sure, you might look younger than the next 45-year-old, but you absolutely cannot compete with all the 25-year-olds out there when it comes to youth, and surely you feel undignified even trying?)

Dealing with an ageing body and the fucking injuries that take months to heal is a completely different mental battle though, and I haven't learned to accept that yet. It's tough.

I think the important thing is to do some little things so improve how you feel and that could impact how you look?

Half the people I know don't look their age because they don't stress about it, they eat right, exercise and some of them have had cosmetic help (not a bad thing at all). Majority of the time you can't tell because it's been done right!
For me, I see getting older as a privilage. Every line, scar, crease - tells a story. (Having a massive health scare and almost dying really opens your eyes to that 😉)

No it's not personal to me. I just hate to see people - you - who think their way is the only way and that if it's not their/your way then there is something wrong with other people and they should get therapy or have an issue. Whatever happened to live and let live ? You're getting touchy about the use of the words not normal but yet YOU declare there's something wrong with the OP. Can't you see how much of a hypocrite you are? I couldn't give a shit about how grey, baggy, saggy, wrinkled anyone is - it's their choice. Similarly I couldn't give a shit about what procedures people chose to have. I do give a shit about hypocrites.

I wasn't referring to childish insults more like well, I don't agree with botox etc and so you shouldn't have it because if you do that makes you silly etc.

The comments about ugly people on here don’t deserve any respect

It's kind of hilarious that people accuse others of being shallow but don't see that not respecting someone's point of view because it is different to theirs is ..well..shallow.

OP - are you seeking permission from society to quit or scale down your beauty regime? You didn't need permission to start or maintain it so you don't need permission to quit.

Do what makes you happy, but there will come a point where you'll be fooling nobody but yourself.

Also - 'weaken' ????

I don't plan to make peace with my aging face. I want to look as young as I feel.

I don't plan to go gentle into that good night. I will rage against the dying of the light.

I'm aged 46, I don't care about the aging process. I've known too many people, close friends, who have died in their 30's & 40's who would have loved the chance to grow old and wrinkly that I embrace the change.

but but but ... I still see my face on zoom calls 😱

Now those are words to live by! Love it!

Just don't look in the mirror much and get on with your life.

I’m almost 50. I couldn’t give a flying fuck about any of it. I was at a friend’s house and she complained about her hooded eyes and how she was thinking of getting them done. It prompted me to look at mine, which were far worse - but I just didn’t care.

I have seen people get stuff done and have no idea why they do it. One woman (stunningly attractive) got her eyes done and she looked permanently started. She looked better before.

I don’t dye my hair. It’s got a few greys, but again I couldn’t give a shit.

I don’t know how you master this. I think that appearance does impact how certain people treat you. I guess I think of those people as cunts. And don’t value anything they say if they are judging on appearance.

I’m 65 and don’t feel bad about my face.

I have no intention of having a facelift, Botox or other “tweakments”. I do, however, have my chin and upper lip waxed every couple of months!

They can, I didn't say they can't. I'm just answering the OPs question and this is my thought process to avoid worrying unduly about my aging.

I was referring to a perfectly nice exchange on another thread. It was about ONS and I said something similar which is why I mentioned it.

Several posters have said the OP is obsessed with her looks due to childhood issues. Hence why I (and others) suggested therapy as it’s obviously something deep. I just think that being scared to get older to the extent of the OP is unusual and clearly stems from her trauma.

I am in no way superior. After all, as the OP pointed out, ugly people are inferior in any case.

Using words/phrases like ‘not normal’ or ‘weird’ is pejorative. I don’t say the way I live my life is standard nor do I suggest anyone else does it.

You are the one who seems to be taking anything said to the OP personally.

I try and keep my eyebrows tidy and I pluck chin hairs. I cleanse and moisturise. But apart from that I don’t do anything to my face. I have considered it though. But I will never go through with it.

i am more self conscious of my body, tbh.