To ask if you've mastered the art of not feeling bad about an ageing face

Some regard privately paid for WLI as a “beauty treatment”

Do you not have anyone who hasn’t done either 😬

Agree

What a waste of life,hating your self
You are going to age anyway

Off to enjoy the greenhouse !🌺🦠🪴

I have friends that fall into two camps (we’re all 40-55).
Some have gone down the Botox/filler/lashes/WLI route and others have gone down the gym/running/diet route.
i can tell you who is ageing better.

Yeah but if you suggest any kind of therapy etc you get shouted down

Its lack of integration of self thats at play here, Ops true self and her ego imagined self dont line up
Suggests PD

You think that poster is being dramatic!! Fuck me. You are the one that seems to think it’s ’unfair’ that we age.

So what do you suggest then. We physically age (regardless of how it makes us look) or we die. Railing against that is pointless and dramatic.

that is why I suggested therapy. It’s fine to mourn looks when they fade and fine to spend a fortune on trying to look as good as you can. However you seem genuinely angry about the unfairness, and that isn’t good.

Im dramatic ?
Ok ...

Im always a bit 🤨 about the invisibility thing tbh
Complaining at 55 you are " invisible" to men
This kind of assumes you want men to look at you, when normal, healthy women mostly want random men to F off and just leave them alone.
Of course I want to be loved by my DH but Im not remotely interested in anyone else so why would it bother me if Im " invisible" they are invisible to me so whats the problem !

Edit
Was generally to the thread not sure why it quoted Pp

I think you're being a bit dramatic.

says the op

I think I am lucky that through life I defined myself by my brains rather than beauty. Ugly child, bullied etc. I was clever and did well in life that way. I accepted my lack of looks and didn’t dwell on it.

But I had an interest in fashion in my 20s and now in my 50s, love clothes and looking great. But I won’t touch my face with anything other than a bit of makeup.

I have a great career, a very active social life, lovely adult kids and an amazing husband. I am very lucky. My face looks like I am 55, but I don’t feel remotely invisible and actually like my wrinkles. A life well lived. I look at my 21y daughter then think that it’s her time now.

Onwards and upwards for the next phase in life. Def without botox!

Absolutely!

My cousin died in his 40s - it was a slow and painful death having battled cancer on and off from the age of 15. I was there just before he died. His mother was battling cancer herself at the time (which eventually killed her a couple of months later). He was a wonderful person who we miss to this day, 15 years on.

Im sorry but it is shallow to complain about aging. He would have loved to have had the chance to age, even badly.

I'm 76 and probably look it, however, because I'm slim and fit (do yoga, walk a lot, climb ladders etc) people think I'm younger. My friend, same age, looks 10 years younger but has had two knee replacements and still has mobility problems. I know which I prefer.

I’m 65 next month. I still dye my hair but never had Botox or fillers and never will. Don’t wear makeup either. Life is for living. Seize it with both hands.

Holy Fuck!
You would rather die young than grow old @CurdinHenry
Have you ever watched a young person die , its utterly gut wrenchingly awful .
My colleague died at 43 of cancer, leaving 2 small children, knowing she had zero chance on diagnosis and was dead 6 months later.
Knowing her children would grow up without her
I really think you need to get some urgent therapy if you you feel this desparately bad about yourself

I know it’s a cliche but looks are skin deep. I know people who have the personality and charisma that draws people to them, even if they aren’t ‘attractive’.

Those people seem to make connections in a deeper way. Looks can go overnight but personality and charisma is a different thing.

Sounds like you are nailing it and that you could be one of those people!

its seen as a privilege because the alternative is dying.

Go ahead and take all the supplements, have all the fillers you like. Your looks are clearly very very important to you. But it does come across (perhaps intentionally) that you are terrified of being seen as unattractive and that your own issues mean you subconsciously judge others.

Being unattractive is not the worst thing in the world - those comments you make about being rescued etc makes it sound like ugly/plain people live a life in the shadows with no job, no partner and no life.

I suggested therapy because it’s clear you are disproportionately terrified of losing your looks. And others have commented that you had a traumatic childhood. It will happen so you need to accept it.

You also have to bear in mind that the way you look is really only important to you. Most people won’t give others a second glance.

I'm one of the people the OP would consider ugly. Always have been. But I've never been short of male attention, even now when my hair is greying and frizzy, my upper eyelids are crinkly, my tummy is flabby and I haven't worn nail varnish since 1995.

you keep all these treatments from your husband?

I think of it like this, the alternative to aging is dying. I had a rare-cancer diagnosis in 2018 and I'm still here.
I get to live (!!) so I live with whatever time throws at me - grey hairs, crepey hands, wobbly skin. My body has been through a lot and I've come to realise its not about what it looks like, just that it still carries me through the world and lets me make memories and spend time with the people i love.

Not read the full thread but

• my cousin died at 18 years old in a car crash
• a girl in my school died at 16
• my neighbour's wife died from cancer when her kids were just 8 and 16
• ditto my friend's partner's wife before she met him (their kids were really young like 3-5ish)

I was not close to any of thise people but it happened around me iyswim

Ageing is a privilege.