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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask if you've mastered the art of not feeling bad about an ageing face

266 replies

CurdinHenry · 10/05/2026 17:43

I spend too much on vanity and think it would be sensible to roll it back and stop thinking about it (I'm soon to turn 45). Obviously physical health is important but I mean the Botox/etc side of things.

HOWEVER my eyelids bother me and so will my everything else when it all eventually starts to go natural. I'll still dye my hair forever unless Armageddon happens in my lifetime.

I think the forties are an age of power and I am so pleased with my career and everything else so I want to stop being weakened by this one thing.

OP posts:
Original poster
CurdinHenry · 10/05/2026 18:22

Fullofcorn · 10/05/2026 18:21

you don’t sound … happy.

Are you? Good friends? Enjoy work?

I have a great life I'm very grateful. I just don't feel ready to let go of the ten years in which I felt attractive!

OP posts:
Fullofcorn · 10/05/2026 18:22

You’d benefit from therapy rather than surgery

Original poster
CurdinHenry · 10/05/2026 18:21

Fullofcorn · 10/05/2026 18:16

Did you grow up being told you were ugly by people?

I grew up being ugly. It's no joke!

OP posts:
Fullofcorn · 10/05/2026 18:21

you don’t sound … happy.

Are you? Good friends? Enjoy work?

Original poster
CurdinHenry · 10/05/2026 18:20

Fullofcorn · 10/05/2026 18:17

Seriously you need to try someone else

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It's not a panacea. Not everyone has such thin skin as me so if you are lucky maybe it will never stop helping.

OP posts:
Original poster
CurdinHenry · 10/05/2026 18:19

Reluctantlyhere · 10/05/2026 17:57

For goodness sake, get over yourself. You could die of cancer tomorrow. Life is too short to waste on beauty treatments (btw men really don't care what your nails look like). You will also have much more spare cash if you don't waste it on unnecessary beauty nonsense.

Yeah except we are all trapped in bodies that will age and turn against us and I think it's ok to be scared by that. It's sort of a horror film made real.

I could die tomorrow and I genuinely think I'm ok with that I've had some adventures but even so I struggle with an old lady face in the mirror.

OP posts:
Fullofcorn · 10/05/2026 18:17

CurdinHenry · 10/05/2026 18:16

You might just have a naturally better face than me, then. I'm told it's normal for it to stop working around my age, though (alas).

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Seriously you need to try someone else

Fullofcorn · 10/05/2026 18:16

Did you grow up being told you were ugly by people?

Original poster
CurdinHenry · 10/05/2026 18:16

Fullofcorn · 10/05/2026 18:15

I’m 45
still working like a dream and no impact on my eye lids

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You might just have a naturally better face than me, then. I'm told it's normal for it to stop working around my age, though (alas).

OP posts:
NoGarlic · 10/05/2026 18:16

Backincontrol · 10/05/2026 18:07

Are you male? As only men think women want to look good for their sake.

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Really? Do you and the women you know choose your friends according to how fresh & young they look?

If a woman, noticing gravity's effect on her appearance, feels slightly worried that other women may find her less appealing - well, I'd say she's unusual. As far as I know, lesbians don't feel this way, either, but I was thinking mainly about a het woman.

Ilovegolf · 10/05/2026 18:16

Aging is inevitable, unavoidable and a privilege. I look after myself in that I exercise regular, I walk about 40 miles a week and weight train daily, I eat a healthy diet, I look after my skin. I also Botox, Profhilo and have various treatments ( eyebrows etc) that make me feel good. And no, it’s not for “men”. My husband doesn’t give a shite and I don’t give a shite what anyone else thinks. It’s for me. Do I look 20? Ha, no! Do I look the best I can for now? I think so. That works for me.
And yes, if Botox is affecting your eyelids, get a different practitioner.

Minglingpringle · 10/05/2026 18:15

There are lots of reasons I don’t do what you do:

  1. I think the Botox/surgery look is a look on its own right. It’s quite different from the natural look. And I don’t like it. To me it smacks of insecurity and tackiness. And everyone looks the same - or at least, like they’re trying to. It’s as if everyone was dressing in some fashion era that I hated.

  2. I love my body. I want to nourish it and exercise it and look after it. I don’t want to inject it with poisons or cut it up.

  3. I want to look good for my age. I don’t want to look a different age. That’s just confusing for everyone. That would be like erasing my wisdom and life experience. I think of those body swap films, where someone ends up in a teenage body. In reality, they’d be bored by the inanity of repeating everything they’d already lived through.

Original poster
CurdinHenry · 10/05/2026 18:15

Fullofcorn · 10/05/2026 18:14

Do you have a partner? If so how do they make you feel?

He thinks I'm beautiful and when I raised the possibility of getting a blepharoplasty he said he would be really upset by it if I did because it's unnecessary.

I am very lucky to have him!! It's not just about sexual attractiveness, though.

OP posts:
Backincontrol · 10/05/2026 18:15

I’m late 40s and always like to feel good when I go out somewhere nice. To feel good means to look good. So far I feel lucky that as long as I go to the gym and do high intensity workouts regularly that’s enough for me to think that my face is ageing well.

I wouldn’t be adverse to Botox and think I will probably need some help in a few years time but the beauty industry is something I know nothing about. Even my 15 yo is teaching me skin care. Any tips on where to get Botox or is there anything better on the market?

Fullofcorn · 10/05/2026 18:15

CurdinHenry · 10/05/2026 18:13

I have never doubted I'm interesting (arrogant emoji) but I know the difference between being ugly and being ok in terms of the access to life opportunities

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I’m 45
still working like a dream and no impact on my eye lids

Fullofcorn · 10/05/2026 18:14

Do you have a partner? If so how do they make you feel?

Original poster
CurdinHenry · 10/05/2026 18:14

Fullofcorn · 10/05/2026 18:12

Or get someone new and better to administer

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I think at c.45 it simply stops working as well (although very open to your advice if your experience differs!)

OP posts:
Original poster
CurdinHenry · 10/05/2026 18:13

TheQueenOfTheNight · 10/05/2026 18:08

It doesn't ferl like mastering an art, more about reaching an age where how someone looks should be the least interesting thing about them.

I have never doubted I'm interesting (arrogant emoji) but I know the difference between being ugly and being ok in terms of the access to life opportunities

OP posts:
Fullofcorn · 10/05/2026 18:12

CurdinHenry · 10/05/2026 18:11

I mean I agree with this. But recently I've discovered Botox isn't helping some stuff and is poss making it worse (the eyelids!) so think I need to start considering other world views 🤣

Show quote history

Or get someone new and better to administer

Original poster
CurdinHenry · 10/05/2026 18:11

Fullofcorn · 10/05/2026 17:51

I LOVE getting my hair done
I LOVE getting botox
I LOVE buying premium products that I feel work really well for my skin

so I have no intention is halting anything
the point at which is don’t LOVE doing it… I’ll stop 🤷‍♀️

I mean I agree with this. But recently I've discovered Botox isn't helping some stuff and is poss making it worse (the eyelids!) so think I need to start considering other world views 🤣

OP posts:
Haffway · 10/05/2026 18:10

It sounds twee but I’ve started smiling at my reflection instead of squinting critically into the mirror and it’s making a huge difference.

TheQueenOfTheNight · 10/05/2026 18:08

It doesn't ferl like mastering an art, more about reaching an age where how someone looks should be the least interesting thing about them.

Backincontrol · 10/05/2026 18:07

Reluctantlyhere · 10/05/2026 17:57

For goodness sake, get over yourself. You could die of cancer tomorrow. Life is too short to waste on beauty treatments (btw men really don't care what your nails look like). You will also have much more spare cash if you don't waste it on unnecessary beauty nonsense.

Are you male? As only men think women want to look good for their sake.

ShorterMumma · 10/05/2026 18:07

Personally I found my 40s quite hard as I aged quickly in my early 40s after going through premature menopause.

Now in my 50s, I'm more comfortable in my appearance.
I do get my hair done but only 3 or 4 times a year max. I watch my diet, active and concentrate on flexibility and building muscle.

I've had Botox but I'm not overly keen on it. I think procedures make us look different not better.

Ultimately, we all need to do whatever helps us feel better.

basoon · 10/05/2026 18:05

I would say yes and no. I'm 62, generally feel great. Very fit and healthy and active. Stride around the world feeling like superwoman must of the time. Then I see myself in a mirror or a photo and think, holy Christ. I thought I was fabulous!

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