To ask if you've mastered the art of not feeling bad about an ageing face

CurdinHenry · 2026-05-10T16:43:25+00:00

I spend too much on vanity and think it would be sensible to roll it back and stop thinking about it (I'm soon to turn 45). Obviously physical health is important but I mean the Botox/etc side of things. HOWEVER my eyelids bother me and so will my everything else when it all eventually starts to go natural. I'll still dye my hair forever unless Armageddon happens in my lifetime. I think the forties are an age of power and I am so pleased with my career and everything else so I want to stop being weakened by this one thing.

Electricsausages · 14/05/2026 07:09

@basoon snap 😆

Avoidtheloo · 14/05/2026 06:20

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LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 12/05/2026 12:58

Smoothquark · 12/05/2026 10:44

The OP’s issues aren’t related to a lack of feminism. It is clear that deep rooted and goes back to being called and feeling ugly thought her childhood and adolescence.

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Ooh don’t say that though as some posters get very arsey if you suggest that 🙄

Smoothquark · 12/05/2026 10:44

RobinEllacotStrike · 12/05/2026 10:35

oh I do love a bit of lippy though most days I don't wear makeup.

But when I do wear make up I don't struggle with it, or feel at all weakend by my choices.

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The OP’s issues aren’t related to a lack of feminism. It is clear that deep rooted and goes back to being called and feeling ugly thought her childhood and adolescence.

RobinEllacotStrike · 12/05/2026 10:35

Smoothquark · 12/05/2026 10:23

So you don’t wear make up @RobinEllacotStrike ?

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oh I do love a bit of lippy though most days I don't wear makeup.

But when I do wear make up I don't struggle with it, or feel at all weakend by my choices.

Gettingbysomehow · 12/05/2026 10:35

CurdinHenry · 12/05/2026 10:23

You said it was in May previously?

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Yeah it got cancelled because Im anaemic. Thank goodness I had my blood tests before I went out there! My GP agreed to send me to the iron transfusion clinic and do some tests as this happened before my hip replacement also. I dont seem to absorb iron pills. They will only do surgery if your iron levels are normal so I have to rebook once Ive had my transfusion.
I was due to fly out tomorrow so Im gutted but better safe than sorry.

Smoothquark · 12/05/2026 10:24

Do you tell your husband about the treatments @CurdinHenry ?

Smoothquark · 12/05/2026 10:23

RobinEllacotStrike · 12/05/2026 10:01

Loads of things but of particular relevance here is being liberated from the latest manifestation of "societal norms" that seek to keep women fearful of aging, for example.

Spending time and money on medical "improvements", not to mention fueling anxiety & distress about how you look and present to the world, to try and avoid totally natural processes such as aging is a feminist issue. These ideas about our face & bodies all work against self acceptance. They create anxiety around how a women looks, and encourage women down expensive and invasive paths that very rarely if ever achieve what is being sold.

The OP talks about being weakened by her vanity. Getting more invovled with feminism however you choose to, engaging with feminist ideas and perhaps thinking specifically of our cultures "beauty standards", how they originate in capitalism and partirarchy, pushed on us via the current iteration of social media and social pressure from both women and men could be useful to the OP in what she is struggling with.

It certainly helped me navigate my 40's & 50's.

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So you don’t wear make up @RobinEllacotStrike ?

Original poster

CurdinHenry · 12/05/2026 10:23

Gettingbysomehow · 12/05/2026 10:13

I'm not happy with my face and neck at all. At 64 Im off for a facelift at Nords in Lithania in autumn.
I feel young and I want to look how I feel. Im not ready for old age yet.
Im not in a relationship, neither do I want one. Im doing this for me.

You said it was in May previously?

OP posts:

Smoothquark · 12/05/2026 10:22

CurdinHenry · 12/05/2026 08:07

I'm obviously a feminist. I don't think women have to want to do this sort of thing but I want to do it and why shouldn't women do what they want.

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But you’ve started a thread about how you don’t want to do it!

Gettingbysomehow · 12/05/2026 10:13

I'm not happy with my face and neck at all. At 64 Im off for a facelift at Nords in Lithania in autumn.
I feel young and I want to look how I feel. Im not ready for old age yet.
Im not in a relationship, neither do I want one. Im doing this for me.

RobinEllacotStrike · 12/05/2026 10:09

If it was really what you wanted why do you feel weakened by it? Just own it.

RobinEllacotStrike · 12/05/2026 10:06

CurdinHenry · 12/05/2026 08:07

I'm obviously a feminist. I don't think women have to want to do this sort of thing but I want to do it and why shouldn't women do what they want.

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reread your OP - you are saying this isn't what you want.

You are asking other women how they deal with aging without wanting botox etc and continue to feel good about yourself. As you requested, I've shared an opinion in response to your OP.

Or have I misunderstood?

RobinEllacotStrike · 12/05/2026 10:01

Bettersuited · 12/05/2026 06:48

What does “get into feminism” actually mean in reality @RobinEllacotStrike ?

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Loads of things but of particular relevance here is being liberated from the latest manifestation of "societal norms" that seek to keep women fearful of aging, for example.

Spending time and money on medical "improvements", not to mention fueling anxiety & distress about how you look and present to the world, to try and avoid totally natural processes such as aging is a feminist issue. These ideas about our face & bodies all work against self acceptance. They create anxiety around how a women looks, and encourage women down expensive and invasive paths that very rarely if ever achieve what is being sold.

The OP talks about being weakened by her vanity. Getting more invovled with feminism however you choose to, engaging with feminist ideas and perhaps thinking specifically of our cultures "beauty standards", how they originate in capitalism and partirarchy, pushed on us via the current iteration of social media and social pressure from both women and men could be useful to the OP in what she is struggling with.

It certainly helped me navigate my 40's & 50's.

Original poster

CurdinHenry · 12/05/2026 08:07

RobinEllacotStrike · 11/05/2026 22:24

Get into feminism op. You quickly get liberated from interest in all this beauty standards bollocks. And you meet amazing women too.

I'm obviously a feminist. I don't think women have to want to do this sort of thing but I want to do it and why shouldn't women do what they want.

OP posts:

moggerhanger · 12/05/2026 06:56

RobinEllacotStrike · 11/05/2026 22:22

Geeze you’d want a quick reply to that. I’d think of something much later. Like “did you think it was going to improve the look of your face? How disappointing ” < hard stare>

how bloody rude.

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In situations like that, I always think of a killer retort some hours afterwards. I think the French call it l'esprit de l'escalier 😂

Thing is, that person probably isn't wrong. I do have droopy upper eyelids. Other thing is, I don't mind them. Though they're just on the verge of obscuring my vision slightly, if I look upwards. So maybe I'll get something done about them if that problem gets worse.

Bettersuited · 12/05/2026 06:48

RobinEllacotStrike · 11/05/2026 22:24

Get into feminism op. You quickly get liberated from interest in all this beauty standards bollocks. And you meet amazing women too.

What does “get into feminism” actually mean in reality @RobinEllacotStrike ?

RobinEllacotStrike · 11/05/2026 22:24

Get into feminism op. You quickly get liberated from interest in all this beauty standards bollocks. And you meet amazing women too.

RobinEllacotStrike · 11/05/2026 22:22

moggerhanger · 11/05/2026 16:36

@Pamnn82 someone said to me fairly recently "have you thought about an eye lift? It would make you look so much better!" 🤣

Geeze you’d want a quick reply to that. I’d think of something much later. Like “did you think it was going to improve the look of your face? How disappointing ” < hard stare>

how bloody rude.

RobinEllacotStrike · 11/05/2026 22:18

I’m 58, lost 115lbs recently & gained loads of wrinkles.

I’m pretty much ok with that. I smile a lot.

I’m not at all interested in the male gaze & I think that really helps. I’m more concerned about how active I am, enjoying putting outfits together I feel great wearing etc.

I’ve never had Botox or anything- I think that is an aging look in itself & it’s never had any appeal for me. I do know lots of women who have gone down the filler/botox route & they all seem to be terrified of looking “old”. My attitude has always been aging is way better than the alternative. Plus why cultivate these fears in your own life? It seems pointless to me.

BIossomtoes · 11/05/2026 21:57

I had a bald patch on the top of my head which most people could see as I’m a shortarse. It’s gone now.

Allseeingallknowing · 11/05/2026 21:57

CurdinHenry · 11/05/2026 20:41

To be fair even the creative goddess Nora ephron felt bad about her neck

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I bet no one dares post a photo of their aged necks, to make me feel better!

Marriedatsecondsight · 11/05/2026 21:53

Its good to know it works. My hair is ok when blow dried and moussed but the parting looks wider and its certainly not as swooshy as it used to be.

Allseeingallknowing · 11/05/2026 21:40

Marriedatsecondsight · 11/05/2026 17:10

Seriously? Goodness going to try that, thank you!

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I looked at it and realised I am taking these ingredients already+ vit d , vitb12,iron, magnesium , biotin etc . My hair is improving slowly.

Original poster

CurdinHenry · 11/05/2026 20:41

Allseeingallknowing · 11/05/2026 16:44

I hate my neck. I don’t want fillers to neck or jawline as I don’t want a “ pillow” face. I am interested in the Nefertiti neck lift if others would like to share their experiences of it. Don’t want my neck to end up like Jenny’s in Gogglebox!

To be fair even the creative goddess Nora ephron felt bad about her neck

OP posts: