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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Aibu to feel jealous of my neighbour

284 replies

dgs21 · 10/05/2026 11:46

We’re both single parents, she has 2 children aged 12 and 2. I have an 8yo and one on the way.

We’ve both lived in our houses for the same amount of time around 8 years so I know her quite well. I work 4 days a week until 8pm plus over time, I do a course alongside my job as I work in pharmacy and have to complete a 3 year course so I can be a qualified dispenser and hoping to go to uni next year. I’m working really hard and don’t seem to have any time or money to keep my house, garden and even myself in check as I’m always working and paying bills/food/driving lessons/daughter etc. I earn around £900 a month plus £200 UC. My 8yo is being assessed for autism and ADHD but I feel like I shouldn’t apply for PIP until she’s officially diagnosed as she’s not too high on the spectrum.

my next door neighbour hasn’t worked a day since I’ve known her, she told me a few years ago it’s because she “coughs too much”, she is constantly smoking weed. She receives over £1,000 a month for he 12yo because he is mildly autistic but undiagnosed atm and told me she actually exaggerated his symptoms to get more money, plus the other benefits she gets. She gets around £2,000 a month in total. Since she has started receiving the PIP for her son, she has covered herself in tattoos, her front and back garden has transformed and is full of flowers which she has said she spent £300 at home bargains last week, she gambles on gambling apps and has spent over £100 in one day, and just in general spends allot of money on herself and her house and has all day everyday to do this.

(forgot to mention I receive housing benefit too based on my income each month)

ABIU to be feeling jealous, we’ve got along quite well the past few years but am now starting to resent her, I’m even thinking of moving house so I don’t have to see her everyday

OP posts:
ShanghaiDiva · 10/05/2026 14:42

dgs21 · 10/05/2026 14:41

Yes they have?

examples?

dgs21 · 10/05/2026 14:41

ShanghaiDiva · 10/05/2026 14:39

Not one single person commented that it’s okay to spend a child’s disability payment on themselves. Nor did anyone suggest that you bettering yourself was a crime.

Yes they have?

OP posts:
Loadsapandas · 10/05/2026 14:40

dgs21 · 10/05/2026 11:46

We’re both single parents, she has 2 children aged 12 and 2. I have an 8yo and one on the way.

We’ve both lived in our houses for the same amount of time around 8 years so I know her quite well. I work 4 days a week until 8pm plus over time, I do a course alongside my job as I work in pharmacy and have to complete a 3 year course so I can be a qualified dispenser and hoping to go to uni next year. I’m working really hard and don’t seem to have any time or money to keep my house, garden and even myself in check as I’m always working and paying bills/food/driving lessons/daughter etc. I earn around £900 a month plus £200 UC. My 8yo is being assessed for autism and ADHD but I feel like I shouldn’t apply for PIP until she’s officially diagnosed as she’s not too high on the spectrum.

my next door neighbour hasn’t worked a day since I’ve known her, she told me a few years ago it’s because she “coughs too much”, she is constantly smoking weed. She receives over £1,000 a month for he 12yo because he is mildly autistic but undiagnosed atm and told me she actually exaggerated his symptoms to get more money, plus the other benefits she gets. She gets around £2,000 a month in total. Since she has started receiving the PIP for her son, she has covered herself in tattoos, her front and back garden has transformed and is full of flowers which she has said she spent £300 at home bargains last week, she gambles on gambling apps and has spent over £100 in one day, and just in general spends allot of money on herself and her house and has all day everyday to do this.

(forgot to mention I receive housing benefit too based on my income each month)

ABIU to be feeling jealous, we’ve got along quite well the past few years but am now starting to resent her, I’m even thinking of moving house so I don’t have to see her everyday

i didn’t think anyone could get DLA for a mild undiagnosed condition?
let alone £1k pa?

OP how much in UC do you get as the £200 doesn’t include housing benefit.
I thought it was 1 payment?

and you are pregnant? How much does your partner contribute?

BatchCookBabe · 10/05/2026 14:40

I think everyone is cool with someone trying to better themselves @dgs21 What many people dislike - and get sick of - is benefit bashing threads.

And this is one. You may not have intended it to be, but it is.

Your disdain and loathing for this woman is clear, and you don't sound jealous. You just sound like you despise her.

If you are jealous too, then I have to say - as has been said - 'comparison' is the thief of joy.

ShanghaiDiva · 10/05/2026 14:39

dgs21 · 10/05/2026 14:36

Nearly 200 comments of people agreeing that it’s okay to spend a child’s disability money on yourself and working part time and doing course work to better myself is the crime this truly is a weird place

Not one single person commented that it’s okay to spend a child’s disability payment on themselves. Nor did anyone suggest that you bettering yourself was a crime.

dgs21 · 10/05/2026 14:36

Nearly 200 comments of people agreeing that it’s okay to spend a child’s disability money on yourself and working part time and doing course work to better myself is the crime this truly is a weird place

OP posts:
jinglejanglescarecat · 10/05/2026 14:35

Wow! OP no idea why everyone’s gone batshit on here about YOU!!

from what I’ve read of your posts I don’t think you’re jealous of her life. You’re jealous that she can have some nice things.

But you’re doing really well. Must be hard to study, work, look after a child (autistic one too) and be pregnant!!

You are bettering yourself and your kids will see that and grown up to respect work and you. Her kids will prob learn how to scam and also sit on their bums!

i can understand wanting to move. Once you get the ick, that’s it. For now just create some distance and concentrate on you.

dgs21 · 10/05/2026 14:35

Yarrrrr · 10/05/2026 14:28

I don’t think working part-time and spending 4 hours every day on a course (really? 100% focused working only on your course 9.30-1.30 every day?) is ‘working yourself to the bone’, especially as OP’s child is 8 so doesn’t need full-on care when at home. OP must also have lots of childcare help to do her part-time job which is at a particularly unhelpful time for having a child (2-8pm x 4 days a week). I agree that OP is doing v well out of the benefits system, having the privilege to work only part-time and receive UC and a housing element on top when there’s no reason she couldn’t work full-time!

You’re right I should spend more of my time smoking and sitting in a tattoo shop shouldn’t I, instead of doing course work and working😂

OP posts:
dgs21 · 10/05/2026 14:33

ShanghaiDiva · 10/05/2026 14:14

You still haven’t told us what you spend your free money on?

The free £200ish a month I get goes towards either my bills (not my whole bills obviously) or my child, or I put it to the side for if I have no money for food, not a penny is spent on myself everything else I use my earnings to pay for is that okay? Or am I in the wrong for that as well

OP posts:
Backincontrol · 10/05/2026 14:29

dgs21 · 10/05/2026 13:56

It’s so clear that everyone has more hatred towards me for working part time because I’d have no time to do my course else PLUS overtime to provide for my child than someone who scams the system and spends it on drugs and anything else for HERSELF and not her child☠️🤣 people on Mumsnet are so weird and calling me a benefit basher when I’m calling someone out for scamming the benefit system what the actual fuck😅 I’m out of here this is a weird place

If she’s scamming, report her.

Yarrrrr · 10/05/2026 14:28

I don’t think working part-time and spending 4 hours every day on a course (really? 100% focused working only on your course 9.30-1.30 every day?) is ‘working yourself to the bone’, especially as OP’s child is 8 so doesn’t need full-on care when at home. OP must also have lots of childcare help to do her part-time job which is at a particularly unhelpful time for having a child (2-8pm x 4 days a week). I agree that OP is doing v well out of the benefits system, having the privilege to work only part-time and receive UC and a housing element on top when there’s no reason she couldn’t work full-time!

Pessismistic · 10/05/2026 14:17

Op ignore all the negative comments on here the neighbour is obviously getting more money than you. You can feel resentment I do.

loryN22 · 10/05/2026 14:16

It’s completely natural to feel resentful when you’re working yourself to the bone and seeing someone else seemingly "play the system." It feels like a slap in the face when you're struggling to pay for driving lessons and basics while she's spending hundreds on gardens and tattoos. Your hard work is setting a massive example for your kids, even if it doesn't feel like it right now.

godmum56 · 10/05/2026 14:15

dgs21 · 10/05/2026 14:07

Wow sorry for believing what I was told I’m such a bad person

not bad......maybe naive?

ShanghaiDiva · 10/05/2026 14:14

dgs21 · 10/05/2026 14:07

Wow sorry for believing what I was told I’m such a bad person

You still haven’t told us what you spend your free money on?

lornad00m · 10/05/2026 14:14

dgs21 · 10/05/2026 13:56

It’s so clear that everyone has more hatred towards me for working part time because I’d have no time to do my course else PLUS overtime to provide for my child than someone who scams the system and spends it on drugs and anything else for HERSELF and not her child☠️🤣 people on Mumsnet are so weird and calling me a benefit basher when I’m calling someone out for scamming the benefit system what the actual fuck😅 I’m out of here this is a weird place

'I’m calling someone out for scamming the benefit system'.

Right. So you're not remotely 'jealous' at all.

You did in fact come here to find validation for your anger at someone who you claim is abusing the benefits system.

At least be honest about it.

ChocolateCinderToffee · 10/05/2026 14:14

sidneytweeney · 10/05/2026 11:55

If I were her, I’d be jealous of you OP. She’s sitting on her arse all day (allegedly) scamming the benefits system and achieving nothing other than some tats and a pretty garden. You, on the other hand are on your way to a respected career, working hard and setting an amazing example for your kids. You’re the winner here 🌸

This. She has no future.

dgs21 · 10/05/2026 14:14

ShanghaiDiva · 10/05/2026 14:11

Thought you were leaving..?

Sorry for coming back to my own post

OP posts:
ShanghaiDiva · 10/05/2026 14:13

dgs21 · 10/05/2026 13:56

It’s so clear that everyone has more hatred towards me for working part time because I’d have no time to do my course else PLUS overtime to provide for my child than someone who scams the system and spends it on drugs and anything else for HERSELF and not her child☠️🤣 people on Mumsnet are so weird and calling me a benefit basher when I’m calling someone out for scamming the benefit system what the actual fuck😅 I’m out of here this is a weird place

If you really think she is scamming the system by exaggerating her child’s disability then report her.
what do you hope to achieve by posting on here?

littlemousebigcheese · 10/05/2026 14:13

If she gets high DLA plus carers, that’s easily £1000. My daughter is autistic and life is hard. She IS working - a single mother, raising two children one of whom is ND? Pretty tough job to me. I don’t begrudge her some bloody flowers.

ShanghaiDiva · 10/05/2026 14:11

dgs21 · 10/05/2026 14:07

Wow sorry for believing what I was told I’m such a bad person

Thought you were leaving..?

HPFA · 10/05/2026 14:10

Somewhat ironic that all this endless benefit bashing will eventually lead to benefits being ended for everyone except pensioners.......including the OP.

dgs21 · 10/05/2026 14:07

godmum56 · 10/05/2026 13:58

ok I get a million pounds a week. Its must be true because I told you.

Wow sorry for believing what I was told I’m such a bad person

OP posts:
Pessismistic · 10/05/2026 14:04

SpiceGirlsNeedAComeBack · 10/05/2026 12:55

You don’t get £1000 on dla or pip even on the highest rates, stop lying.

Maybe she means a month.

Vivienne1000 · 10/05/2026 14:04

Your neighbour must be bored rigid all day.