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Original poster

AIBU to expect husband to do bulk of weekday childcare when he’s unemployed?

79 replies

eatentoomanygrapes · 10/05/2026 09:00

Husband made redundant. We have just moved house and only have childcare for one of our kids for 3 days a week until he starts school in September; the other (18 months) doesn’t start nursery til sept due to long waiting lists.

husband doesn’t want to get a job - he has a bit of money behind him from the sale of his late dads house. he wants to “explore a few ideas” he has to set up a business.

I took a week off while we moved house. Tomorrow I go back to work but husband fully expects me to do 50% of the childcare (I WFH but no broadband at home yet).

AIBU to suggest this is massively selfish on his part?

Last night we had a huge argument as he lay on the sofa watching tv - I asked why he has to insist on doing his “work stuff” during the week when I’m working, why he can’t try and do that in the evenings or when baby naps.

He seems to think it’s perfectly reasonable to expect me to screw up my own job so he can sit in the garden phoning people and tinkering away on his laptop. I’m not convinced he has any kind of plan.

if he was applying for jobs it would be slightly different and I’d be more supportive, but I’d also expect him to respect my job.

OP posts:
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JJMama · 14/05/2026 10:30

Why does he not want to care for his baby/children?

Mlddleoftheroad · 11/05/2026 18:56

He's not doing childcare. Until he gets a job he's a stay at home parent- so he parents the dc and takes care of the house, making sure that the working parent has the capacity to concentrate on paying the bills and keeping a roof over your heads. If he wants to play business owner, then it needs to fit around reality.

StealthMama · 11/05/2026 18:47

At the very least, if he isn’t doing the childcare, he can take over organising it and paying for it in order to support his budding entrepreneur skills.

he will burn through that money. You need to go to work and get plan b for you and the kids.

I can’t stand men like this.

BooneyBeautiful · 10/05/2026 23:13

Gettingbysomehow · 10/05/2026 09:08

Oh God please tell him to piss off. Another man with grandiose ideas of setting up a business when its likely to be a miserable failure unless its an ice cream van.
He either gets a full time job or looks after the kids...end of.

Many years ago, I remember one of the primary school mums telling me how her H was working full-time and also trying to set up his own business at the same time. It was all pie-in-the-sky stuff that never materialised and got the family into all sorts of debt (second mortgage on the house etc). He then suddenly dropped dead from a heart attack, leaving her with all the mess to sort out. Why are so many men like this? What on earth are they trying to prove?

Blondeshavemorefun · 10/05/2026 21:40

How much money from the house ?

Will be spunk it all ?

if he found a job then what about childcare if it’s too much for your mum

or he has no intention of working

can you survive on your salary or is he sharing the house inheritance

Jk987 · 10/05/2026 21:15

How can you wfh with no broadband?
How does he think you can work at the same time as caring for toddlers?

NameChangeAgain48 · 10/05/2026 21:12

eatentoomanygrapes · 10/05/2026 11:08

Thanks for the replies and support.

I’ve been contacting childminders and nurseries non stop, we have a few show-rounds booked and a couple of potential childminder options but nothing that covers exactly what we need.

the original plan when we were both working was that we would have family over to help to bridge the gap, understanding it would be a bit hectic for a while - but due to having such terrible 5G (literally zero) we have to be out of the house to get any work done.

my mum is 82 and I can’t expect her to take both of them out somewhere, it’s just not possible for her to- I find it stressful enough and I’m 38!

so in a way his redundancy presented an opportunity to ease the childcare pressure - at least just for a bit - but he doesn’t see it that way.

to answer the Q about my faith in his business idea - honestly, I don’t have any faith in it. He’s never been a hard worker, his main motivation is to avoid having to go into an office. I’m afraid he will spend his days sitting about with a beer in the sun, “networking” on the phone.

I know this is really unfair. I KNOW it. I do think he’s being a real selfish prick. Part of me just wishes he would decide to be a house husband because at least then I’d be able to focus fully on my job, and we’d have a happy nurturing household with him doing the cooking and childcare!

This way I feel like we’ve got absolutely no benefits of either scenario: I’m going to be massively stressed out, the kids are going to be all over the place, and he will burn through money and be nowhere in six months time.

Your house husband fantasy is oie in the sky. It's never going to happen. A lazy and selfish person isn't going to suddenly become something else.

kohlrabislaw · 10/05/2026 21:06

He sounds like an absolute tool.

GeishaTrumpet · 10/05/2026 21:03

eatentoomanygrapes · 10/05/2026 09:00

Husband made redundant. We have just moved house and only have childcare for one of our kids for 3 days a week until he starts school in September; the other (18 months) doesn’t start nursery til sept due to long waiting lists.

husband doesn’t want to get a job - he has a bit of money behind him from the sale of his late dads house. he wants to “explore a few ideas” he has to set up a business.

I took a week off while we moved house. Tomorrow I go back to work but husband fully expects me to do 50% of the childcare (I WFH but no broadband at home yet).

AIBU to suggest this is massively selfish on his part?

Last night we had a huge argument as he lay on the sofa watching tv - I asked why he has to insist on doing his “work stuff” during the week when I’m working, why he can’t try and do that in the evenings or when baby naps.

He seems to think it’s perfectly reasonable to expect me to screw up my own job so he can sit in the garden phoning people and tinkering away on his laptop. I’m not convinced he has any kind of plan.

if he was applying for jobs it would be slightly different and I’d be more supportive, but I’d also expect him to respect my job.

if he’s not working then surely it makes sense if he does the “child care” while you work and then you take over in the evening and he can try and get some work done then.

Morepositivemum · 10/05/2026 21:00

Jesus, while I can’t believe he’s arguing about doing childcare this thread is awful, honestly calling someone you don’t know a waste of space, useless and telling op to leave him? There’s a thread about how tough mn has gone and this so shows it

winnieanddaisy · 10/05/2026 20:49

I would agree with what your husband wants BUT I would tell him that he needs to be the one to arrange the childcare so he can do the hours he wants building the business as you are too busy actually working.
He should also pay for the necessary childcare too .

chillyputsomesockson · 10/05/2026 20:41

The goal should be equal amounts of downtime/leisure time. So factoring in work and child care, a day a week each leisure time sounds like it could be achievable. But whoever is working fewer hours needs to step up to more child care .

arethereanyleftatall · 10/05/2026 20:36

viques · 10/05/2026 20:00

If the situations were reversed and you had a stash of cash which enabled you to give up work while you decided what to do with the rest of your life would this issue even have been raised? Or would your OH have assumed that since you were now not working that you were available for childcare/ cleaning/ shopping/ life organisation etc etc.

Ask him that, see what his answer is.

This is VERY VERY valid. It is actually laughable, and @viquesis absolutely right, if you suggested this to him that he needed to do 50% of childcare whilst working whilst you were unemployed, he would have thought you absolutely bonkers. Also, I bet he wouldn’t be the one scrambling around to research childcare like you are.
as usual, reversing a situation is a very very clear way of demonstrating when something is very clearly misogyny.

viques · 10/05/2026 20:00

If the situations were reversed and you had a stash of cash which enabled you to give up work while you decided what to do with the rest of your life would this issue even have been raised? Or would your OH have assumed that since you were now not working that you were available for childcare/ cleaning/ shopping/ life organisation etc etc.

Ask him that, see what his answer is.

Ladygardenerinderby · 10/05/2026 19:54

Jesus Christ yet another entitled bloke

WhosGotTheKeysToMyBimma · 10/05/2026 19:46

arethereanyleftatall · 10/05/2026 12:53

Given your update, and with the benefit of 50 years of life and having seen lots of relationships of my own and of my friends…

I would apply for divorce today.

you have procreated with an incredibly selfish, lazy, misogynistic man - and this is never going to change.

the fact that you had that conversation and he put forward his stupid suggestion as if it were reasonable, and you didn’t laugh in his face and tell him to stop being so bloody stupid - tells us that your dynamic is ridiculous and unhealthy and not equal in any way shape or form .

you have said he will spunk all your savings up the wall. Yup, he will. He will live off your exhaustion amd your dime and not give a shiny shit.

get out now, because tomorrow there will be even less money in the pot.

Agree 100% with this and @Holdinguphalfthesky

Everydayimhuffling · 10/05/2026 19:42

Absolutely no way I would do any childcare during my work time in this scenario unless he had an interview or an urgent medical appointment. If nothing else, you succeeding in your job is now even more important as it's the only income. Do not be available. Rent an office space if you have to.

I also would expect him to be the one looking for childcare, if you can trust him not to just take whatever he finds to get time to himself. He's being a massive prick.

vanessashanessa99 · 10/05/2026 19:35

You are working, he is not. You have a legitimate reason to be busy, he is making himself look busy. He can phone people when baby is napping and do his researching at night time.
Or I'd source a childminder and make him pay for it seen as he doesn't want to do it.

Truetoself · 10/05/2026 19:30

Why do people marry men like these?

viques · 10/05/2026 19:28

Velvian · 10/05/2026 09:03

Can you go into the office?

Or a nearby cafe, or library. anywhere really.

filofaxdouble · 10/05/2026 19:26

As annoying as it is, work out of the house as much as possible. Which equals him making you feel like you can’t even WFH in your own home.

This spells trouble for any relationship.

He needs to do the childcare or if he thinks he has enough money not to have a job then he can use it to pay for a nanny.

TwinklySquid · 10/05/2026 19:26

If he’s not working/contributing, he does childcare. You can’t risk the one person bringing in money to loose their job due to childcare issues.

Horses7 · 10/05/2026 19:16

What a waste of space he is - I’d start having to work in the office and go to a library or coffee shop or even the office!

Besidemyselfwithworry · 10/05/2026 19:11

Gettingbysomehow · 10/05/2026 09:08

Oh God please tell him to piss off. Another man with grandiose ideas of setting up a business when its likely to be a miserable failure unless its an ice cream van.
He either gets a full time job or looks after the kids...end of.

This!

Laura95167 · 10/05/2026 19:03

If you can go into an office I would. And id leave the little one with him and let him figure it out.

Either way when youre working hes default parent and if he doesnt want to parent. As the parent he can source child care if he needs it