AIBU to feel hurt about my daughter’s wedding plans changing

This

What do
you think she should have done differently?

Given you more notice? Maybe that wasn’t possible.

Let you host rather than the grooms mother? How close are you?

Stuck to the original
plans? It sounds like they are having the wedding that they want, which is the main thing surely!

what do You want to do now? Are you thinking of not going because of the short notice? I’d be shocked if any of my friends mothers didn’t turn up to their wedding for that sort of reason.

Surely you need to phone her to find out what's going on. Otherwise you won't know if you need to feel hurt, annoyed or happy for her. It all depends her reasons.

We need more info OP - why has she changed it and what it your relationship like with her normally?

Sounds like you’re not close.

which bit are you hurt about?

sounds like a nice small wedding. Maybe they can’t afford the larger one or fed up of admin and people butting in.

If you don’t want to cancel work and appointment then don’t. You don’t have to go.

but most things can be moved. Is it major surgery?

She isn't expecting you to drop anything, she's invited you to lunch.

I wouldn't be hurt by this, some people make a big deal out of the actual wedding, and others treat it as simply signing a legal document. Your dd is going down the latter route.

In this situation I would rearrange things, and then I would call and have a chat, just to make sure all is OK.

Why be hurt? It's your dd's wedding. Perhaps she was getting stressed with the whole ostentatious business or by the financial aspect, and her future MIL has kindly offered to throw a lunch after a registry office wedding.
Accept, and then ask why the change? Ask about the dress code. Show an interest.

I would have checked with people close to me to arrange a wedding change first, sure not 100 people but parents and siblings yes

I am all for people having what wedding they want but who is to say it wont change again on another whim

Must be

In my experience changes like this are often a response to excessive family involvement. Or maybe the big wedding idea has simply become all too much, and the bride and groom quite reasonably want to strip it back so the day becomes what it should be - a celebration of them.

Definitely go. You will never have the same relationship again if you don't.
You're invited which is the main thing.

If you don’t want to drop your commitments, then don’t. It’s your choice. Personally I’d drop the commitments happily.

I would be more worried about why the plans have changed and worried about my dd. I would drop everything to be there.
Unless it was a medical appointment I'd waited a year for and would be put back to the bottom of the list. Maybe I would speak to her about that one.

Seems very odd. So maybe preg or poorly (hopefully not) why the rush ?

are you not a witness so not invited to wedding and just the lunch after ?

and guess the grooms mum knowing /hosting must hurt as well

would you say you have a good relationship usually ?

they will save thousands - it’s the feeding that usually costs

I think your daughter's wedding would be a very worthwhile reason for rescheduling an appointment and having time off work. Everybody would understand and expect you to, you'd be unreasonable not to.

As to why she is now going for a quick and simple wedding, you'll have to ask her but maybe she found the whole big wedding planning far too stressful (never mind expensive), and that the marriage is more important than the wedding so why not just do it. That seems quite sensible to me.

Go and do it with good grace. You may find it is a really lovely day.

Who are the witnesses?

I would be pleased my child had chosen not to waste thousands on a wedding tbh.

But you ABU if you want to go but on your terms. Its her wedding and regardless of how she chooses to mark/celebrate it, you've been invited. Go or don't go. Work or take AL. Did you say, you're her mother or no?!

My first thought is - is everyone OK. Because there is usually a reason for rushing a wedding. I would want to know if all are OK.
Was it one text telling you the wedding had been cancelled and the new one booked? Did she say why. What was your conversation lile when you called her?

So her partner's mother knew before you did? And is hosting the lunch? I wouldn't like that, I'm afraid (though I know it's her wedding, her choice etc.) I'd be a bit worried to be honest. What are the groom and his family like?

Have you spoken to her? I would imagine she has valid reasons.

Why don’t you phone and ask her if all is okay?

It’s kind of strange behaviour, what has driven the decision to go from a normal sized wedding to tiny one and why the rush? Is it money? Is she pregnant?

Yes I would be asking, my dd is getting married next summer and I would be concerned about it if plans changed without explanation.

More info needed here, it obviously straightforward. How close are you? Are you invited to the ceremony or just the lunch? Were you involved in the other wedding plans? Any cultural differences? Are the in laws much wealthier than you? First marriage for both? Children involved?

Dont drip feed if you want advice/help.

The lack of transparency is hurtful. I’d take the day off before and the day of. Buy an outfit ensure you see them before during and after. Hair done etc

I eloped to New York. We had a party when we got back and both sets of parent involved.

do you feel she favour her partners parents? Try and see her and be involved. Can you throw some money at it for travel if you need to?