Page 5 | AIBU to feel hurt about my daughter’s wedding plans changing

sittingonabeach · 10/05/2026 11:11

@Andthatmyfriendisthat I would be worried why such a drastic change of plans, and is there something else going on.

saraclara · 10/05/2026 11:09

PoppinjayPolly · 10/05/2026 08:08

My first thought would be “is everything/one ok?”

That. I'd be calling her, not to complain, but to show concern and ask what's happened to cause the cancellation.

Andthatmyfriendisthat · 10/05/2026 10:56

sittingonabeach · 10/05/2026 10:54

I would be asking why the change in plans, in a concerned way.

Why? It's not like she's going to change the plans back so her mum doesn't have to (shock, gasp, horror!)) miss an appointment and a single day of work.

sittingonabeach · 10/05/2026 10:54

I would be asking why the change in plans, in a concerned way.

Mostunexpected · 10/05/2026 10:53

PygmyOwl · 10/05/2026 08:12

Are you hurt because her partner's parents are hosting rather than you? Yes, I would be sad about that, but I'd still drop everything to attend the wedding.

But it reads as if she can't attend the wedding because they will only have 2 witnesses.

LastNightMyPJsSavedMyLife · 10/05/2026 10:51

Oh well if you consider your job has priority over your daughters wedding for one day I can see how things have come to this.

GreenCaterpillarOnALeaf · 10/05/2026 10:47

Obviously there’s some context missing here and 11 days notice is not great, but this is your daughter’s wedding and if we assume she and her DP are doing it how they want then this is good. I wish I hadn’t had a big wedding, but we felt a lot of pressure from friends and family to do the whole big wedding thing.

Speak to her and check it’s all okay, maybe ask if you can come to the actual service if you’re closer and then enjoy the day.

JLou08 · 10/05/2026 10:47

You say you're hurt because she expects you to drop commitments at short notice. That's a sign of a poor mother daughter relationship. I'd be more concerned about why she is cancelling her plans and rushing into the wedding. I wouldn't care about other commitments either, my DDs wedding would be a priority.

user1473878824 · 10/05/2026 10:46

TeenLifeMum · 10/05/2026 08:12

It’s a bit selfish (weddings often are tbh) but I’d assume there’s a reason and would just be glad they included me in the day.

how is it selfish?

FurryWastebin · 10/05/2026 10:43

It sounds like your relationship is on the rocky side tbh

If you have a medical appointment then you're not likely to be at work and unless this appointment has been scheduled for months then, yes, you should drop everything for what's an important date for your daughter.

QOrion · 10/05/2026 10:39

Girliefriendlikespuppies · 10/05/2026 10:27

Some people are old fashioned and/or they want to save the money on a wedding for a baby.

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Having a low-cost wedding for any reason I understand but it isn’t an emergency situation. The wedding doesn’t have to be so rushed that your mother has to miss a medical appointment.

The idea that people have old-fashioned values because they want to be married before the baby arrives while happily having premarital sex just makes me laugh. Who are they kidding? Nobody. Why tie yourself up in these knots when you don’t even believe in the idea of no sex before marriage?

dreaminglife · 10/05/2026 10:31

HellonHeels · 10/05/2026 08:18

Perhaps they had a lot of interference from family about what their wedding would be like? Overbearing demands for relatives to be invited, criticism of their plans etc?

That would be a good reason to rethink the format of the wedding.

Yep that's why we decided no one was coming to our day - best decision ever! The overbearing person said she has never forgiven me - I told her I didn't care one way or the other - she was turning my wedding day into a nightmare and she just wouldn't stop.

Northsomerset · 10/05/2026 10:31

Ps compliment the lunch offer to pay and make no negative comments

BlueberryMill · 10/05/2026 10:31

HellonHeels · 10/05/2026 08:18

Perhaps they had a lot of interference from family about what their wedding would be like? Overbearing demands for relatives to be invited, criticism of their plans etc?

That would be a good reason to rethink the format of the wedding.

I wondered about that.

Northsomerset · 10/05/2026 10:30

Mimimummygranny · 10/05/2026 08:05

My daughter had arranged her wedding for later this year, then cancelled, telling me by text. Now it’s a small wedding with only two witnesses and at 11 days notice I’m invited to a late lunch hosted by her partner’s mother.
I’m hurt and can’t believe she expects me to drop my work and other commitments (missing a medical appointment) at such short notice.
I don’t want to be unreasonable …..

My response how lovely I will see if I can get time off work. What would you like as a wedding present?

and leave it.

it is their wedding not yours

in response to anything said - it’s your day you do it as you want and I support you 100% love you

VickyEadieofThigh · 10/05/2026 10:29

HellonHeels · 10/05/2026 08:18

Perhaps they had a lot of interference from family about what their wedding would be like? Overbearing demands for relatives to be invited, criticism of their plans etc?

That would be a good reason to rethink the format of the wedding.

THIS is exactly why I cancelled the plan for my first wedding. It was only going to be close family anyway at the register office and then the same people at a lunch, but my Mum started telling me we "HAD to invite" others and so I just cancelled it. And we snuck off and did a register office thing with just 2 close friends as witnesses. I HATE a fuss and being the centre of attention, but my mum should also have known me well enough to know that telling me what I "HAD" to do was going to end badly.

Girliefriendlikespuppies · 10/05/2026 10:27

QOrion · 10/05/2026 10:26

Why does pregnancy call for an emergency wedding?

Some people are old fashioned and/or they want to save the money on a wedding for a baby.

QOrion · 10/05/2026 10:26

Why does pregnancy call for an emergency wedding?

elfendom1 · 10/05/2026 10:21

yes it appears as if you have been treated as an afterthought and to be honest, I wouldn't bother going.

SandwichSuperstar · 10/05/2026 10:20

MimiGC · 10/05/2026 10:16

As people have to give at least 29 days notice for a registry office wedding, I would question why your daughter didn’t tell you the date straight away, rather than wait a few weeks.

I'd say there's definitely a backstory that the OP didn't bother with.

Girliefriendlikespuppies · 10/05/2026 10:19

Is she pregnant is my first thought?

Leeds157 · 10/05/2026 10:16

I think maybe don’t take this too personally, I learned when arranging my own wedding how commercialised the whole thing had become and how much expectation and societal pressure there is on the bride and groom to spend thousands and thousands on things like cakes, table decorations, seat covers, flowers, photographers, videographers, meal options, invites etc.
On top of all that potentially every guest asking/expecting to be able to bring kids/partners, tell you where they need to be seated.
All of this is so separate to the actual union and marriage of the bride and groom that I wouldn’t judge any couple for deciding to put their marriage first, and it honestly may not be personal to you op x

MimiGC · 10/05/2026 10:16

As people have to give at least 29 days notice for a registry office wedding, I would question why your daughter didn’t tell you the date straight away, rather than wait a few weeks.

AtBeaverGoat · 10/05/2026 10:12

WithLoveFromMyselfToYourself · 10/05/2026 10:09

The people I know who have done this have done it because they baulked at the cost that was racking up and/ or also the stress resulting from overbearing family members sticking their oar in and being a nightmare.

I must admit I’m wondering if you are one of the latter.

Are you invited to the wedding? The total absence of very relevant detail in your post is identical to the modus operandi of the bewildered and wounded posters of classic “My DD2 has gone no contact for no reason!” posts.

Obviously occasionally people do go non-contact without fault from the relative concerned but then the poster usually provides a lot of background information and has a very good idea of why it might have happened.

I would rearrange a medical appointment and take time off work to attend my daughter’s wedding with 11 days notice. You can’t be having a major procedure if attending the celebrations entails both missing a medical appointment AND taking time off work as you’d be off work anyway.

You are sulking and centering yourself in all this. Have you any concerns as to why your daughter and future son-in-law have made this sudden choice? Or do you know and dismiss it as nonsense?

They have made a choice and now I suggest you be very careful about the next choice you make. If you love your daughter and want a long and happy relationship with her you need to keep your bitterness over this to yourself and centre her and go along with a smile on your face. You’ve both hopefully got a lot of life to come after this wedding in 11 days.

100% this ^^

Walkerzoo · 10/05/2026 10:12

I would be ringing her and asking for a catch up separately to his family

I would be more worried about the rush and of she was under pressure than any logistics.

Are their any other controlling signs?