AIBU to feel hurt about my daughter’s wedding plans changing

I think I'd generally wait for more information, such as the purpose of the medical appointment, before making such a judgemental response.

Yes, I think I would do this actually. The OP's daughter is making it clear from her actions that her mother (the OP) is not a priority in her life, so I would act accordingly if I was her, and wouldn't go to this meal. If she asks why, I would say 'take a wild guess!'

Then again, she does really need to speak to her daughter and find out WHY the big wedding has been cancelled and a tiny registry office do is taking its place... If she says 'we just fancy this instead, at least the OP knows...' But the groom's mother taking over the celebration meal and me not being asked if I wanted to take part in doing it would be very hurtful to me TBH.

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Id call her/ visit her and not start an internet thread for randoms. Also would drop any commitments for her and her wedding

Yeah, same to be honest. I hope everything is OK OP.

Also, I imagine at this point, the OP is feeling a bit confused and hurt, and is lashing out with 'why does she assume I can just drop everything at a whim to attend this meal, (including a medical appointment) when I'm not even invited to the wedding?' Wouldn't surprise me if the woman doing the lunch - the groom's mother- is going to the wedding.

I get on with both my DC, but I would feel hurt if they did this. Especially if their partner's mother was in charge of the 'celebration meal' afterwards. I would wonder what I had done wrong to be left out like this. But we don't know what the OP's relationship is like with her daughter...

Where is the OP?????

I would phone and ask her why, but unless it’s an operation or something that’s hard to reschedule then I would be fine with rescheduling everything to attend.

I don't see why OP has to attend, if she's unavailable – it's just a lunch, not the wedding itself. It would be perfectly proper to politely decline, and maybe offer to take the family out for a celebratory meal at another time.

Agree with you @TheWordWomanIsTaken

Wow!
You have absolutely no idea what job the OP has and how difficult it is to get time off work at relatively short notice.
This thread is just horrible.

Whether I would go or not depends on the reasons why this has happened, and as I said, we don't know because the OP has not come back to the thread since her original/first post.

Hi OP,

Please go to the lunch.
Accept the invite with grace and gratitude.
Keep any and all opinions to yourself and vent to someone trusted.
Wear something pretty but not too overboard.
Buy a nice gift and present for your daughter and flowers for the host/MIL.
Tell her how happy you are for her and paste on a grin.

Why?
Because you risk your relationship being LC/NC otherwise and trust me, that will break you more in the long run, than hiding your hurt for one day.

Hugs to you x

Well, exactly. It would help if the OP came back to the thread and gave us some more information. It may stop assumptions, and rude and unkind posts.

What fairly stories? What on earth are you on about?

And I am not the one being rude and unkind. Your post aimed at the OP was rude and unkind. 'I would go, no matter what, LIKE A PROPER MOTHER DOES.'

Yeah, THAT is not rude and unkind.

It seems like the DD doesn't want OP there, given that she's invited at very short notice, not invited to the ceremony, and told in the same text that the groom's mother will play host. There's something up with this relationship.

Elopement is fine, if the prospect of the big wedding is unbearable. But then, just do it: don't play favourites with the relatives, unless you want the sort of unnecessary drama that elopement was supposed to avoid in the first place.

Just go and enjoy. Smile and be good company. Say how lovely it is to be with them on this special day. Thank her new MIL for the lunch.
In other words start out on the right foot and set the right tone for the future. It is more than just one day.
Unless you are due major surgery on that day then just cancel everything else.
And swallow your resentment... you will regret it if you don't!

Stop being so rude and unkind!

And stop making up fairy stories, it's boring.

So, anyway, OP can just behave like a normal person and attend the lunch.

Oh and I'm not "making out" I'm a better mother than the OP. I am :)

Sorted. YW.

You cannot possibly know what the OP has coming up, or what for, or how hard it will be for her to get a day off work. What a very rude and unkind post! Making out you're a better mother than the OP. Give your head a wobble.

Why is her Partner’s Mother hosting a lunch and not you or not a joint hosting?
Is there something you’re not telling us?

Nah. She doesn't have an appointment to fly a unicorn around the moon either.

Don't be so arrogant and ignorant. When my adult daughter wants to get married I will move heaven and earth to be there in whatever capacity offered. Like a normal mother does.

You don't sound like you have much of a relationship with your DD.

But she isn’t invited to the wedding? Just a lunch in 11 days time which may or may not be the day of the ceremony?

An appointment like a two-week cancer referral appointment? While it probably isn’t that kind of appointment here, it could be. Maybe you are afflicted by the arrogance and ignorance of youth.

@Andthatmyfriendisthat and we don’t know what the appointment is and not everyone can just have a day off from work with very little notice

Not enough information in the first post @Mimimummygranny Can you answer some of the questions asked of you? Hard to give advice otherwise. ie, are you close to your daughter? Do you live near her? Is it her first wedding etc???

As has been said, why are you nor ringing her to find out why on earth all the wedding plans have been cancelled???

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