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AIBU?

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Original poster

Is it possible to go out and avoid photos?

34 replies

Aquarius1234 · 09/05/2026 19:35

Is it possible to make new friends, but avoid pictures?

Im in that late 30 to 40s bracket where its still possible to not do the selfie thing when going anywhere with a friend/ family or group activity/ night out/ theatre/ country walk. Whatever else.

Ive realised I really need to make new friends before I get too old..
Can't be too picky so it will likely be people in their 20/ 30s/ 40s.
I can't quite join the over 50 s groups yet lol

Anyway. I dont like being in photos due to a medical reason and never used to when younger. But I didnt have the medical issue. So put up with it..plus I was younger and fitter.

What am I supposed to say?
I have managed this most of the time with family. Or when going out with one person.
But new groups or activities is a whole other story.

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Original poster
Aquarius1234 · 09/05/2026 22:38

Giraffeandthedog · 09/05/2026 21:04

I don’t like being in photos, but I’m struggling a little bit to understand that you would rather miss out on friendships and social events rather than be in a photo.

Surely other people see you anyway, with their eyes (not meaning to be facetious, just can’t think of another way to put it) so they know what you look like and wouldn’t be surprised by a photo of you, and if you don’t like how you look in a photo it should be easy enough for you not to look at them.

Otherwise, surely things like CCTV or video doorbells must also be an issue for you?

I see what you mean. Its definitely a hard choice.

With photos other people are taking, its a control thing. I hate the thought that I could be at the front and more zoomed in compared to someone else. Just by where I happened to sit or stand.

Yeh I don't like cctv or the cameras on self checkouts that I use all the time.
I just now don't look.
I look I suppose the best in a standard mirror.

OP posts:
Giraffeandthedog · 09/05/2026 21:04

I don’t like being in photos, but I’m struggling a little bit to understand that you would rather miss out on friendships and social events rather than be in a photo.

Surely other people see you anyway, with their eyes (not meaning to be facetious, just can’t think of another way to put it) so they know what you look like and wouldn’t be surprised by a photo of you, and if you don’t like how you look in a photo it should be easy enough for you not to look at them.

Otherwise, surely things like CCTV or video doorbells must also be an issue for you?

museumum · 09/05/2026 21:01

There’s photos and photos though. My sport clubs always ask if people mind but even if you’re ok with it the images are often of the whole “event” and we are just tiny blobs far away. You can just about tell men vs women and hair colour but thats all. If I didn’t know what colour my jacket was I wouldn’t be able to pick me out. One person would pull her neck warmer up over her face in group pics so really not identifiable at all.

whywonthelisten · 09/05/2026 20:58

CurdinHenry · 09/05/2026 20:41

Photos don't capture me accurately and it makes me feel dysphoric to see a photo of myself

I think this is fine to say

Show quote history

They do capture you accurately. It’s a photo. It’s not made up. However, it’s true to say that people don’t see you static so it’s probably not how they see you.

thatstrangebox · 09/05/2026 20:52

I voted YABU for the comment about over 50s - you seem to be assuming people younger than you will be willing to socialise with you as someone older, while being unwilling to do it yourself!

I sympathise with the photo situation. I'd probably approach it by saying "please give me a minute to get out of any photos" rather than saying "please don't take any photos with me in", as that way you're showing you're willing to do the work to stay out of photos, all you want is a moment's warning.

mondaytosunday · 09/05/2026 20:47

Do people really do this? I think the last group pic was with my mum friends when our kids left school which was four years ago. I was in a group photo recently but that was a family reunion.

Growlybear83 · 09/05/2026 20:43

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 09/05/2026 19:55

Not quite ready to join the over 50s? It’s a shame really as they aren’t anywhere near as shallow. I have never taken a selfie in my life

Neither have I. And apart from weddings and a couple of big birthday parties, Ive never been out with friends, older or younger, who wanted to take photos.

AgnesMcDoo · 09/05/2026 20:42

I just say I don’t want to be in the photo.

CurdinHenry · 09/05/2026 20:41

NarnianQueen · 09/05/2026 20:40

On the other hand, why is it so terrible to have a photo taken? You know that people can see what you look like when you see them in person?

When you’re gone, your loved ones will consider every single photo of you precious, and wish there were more of them!

Photos don't capture me accurately and it makes me feel dysphoric to see a photo of myself

I think this is fine to say

NarnianQueen · 09/05/2026 20:40

On the other hand, why is it so terrible to have a photo taken? You know that people can see what you look like when you see them in person?

When you’re gone, your loved ones will consider every single photo of you precious, and wish there were more of them!

CurdinHenry · 09/05/2026 20:37

Same to weddings, fuck weddings!

CurdinHenry · 09/05/2026 20:37

Aquarius1234 · 09/05/2026 20:26

Yes I dont really do hugs. Also this is seen as weird.

I let people hug me now but its a bit odd as Im not that kind of person.

My worst nightmare is going to weddings.
Which luckily rarely happens. But for relatives I have no choice and absolutely can't not be in photos. I just will look rubbish and my medical issue blindly obvious.

Show quote history

My top tip - it is fine to be a bit weird

SoMentallyDrained · 09/05/2026 20:37

I used to take part in a lovely walking group. I live quite a lonely life so was happy to have discovered it. There was always one photo taken at our destination, then we headed back. I always stepped out of the photo and there were no issues. Then a lady joined and brought a selfie stick, she takes multiple photos and videos. I didnt know until I saw myself online. I haven't been since, it makes me sad.

Original poster
Aquarius1234 · 09/05/2026 20:26

CurdinHenry · 09/05/2026 20:21

Is everyone else who hates photos also a hugging hater? High five if so?

Yes I dont really do hugs. Also this is seen as weird.

I let people hug me now but its a bit odd as Im not that kind of person.

My worst nightmare is going to weddings.
Which luckily rarely happens. But for relatives I have no choice and absolutely can't not be in photos. I just will look rubbish and my medical issue blindly obvious.

OP posts:
CurdinHenry · 09/05/2026 20:21

Is everyone else who hates photos also a hugging hater? High five if so?

Original poster
Aquarius1234 · 09/05/2026 20:21

CurdinHenry · 09/05/2026 20:14

Just don't be in photos. I've been doing it my whole life

Show quote history

But depending on the group I dont know how easy it will be.

For all I know people younger or older..than me might be snapping away in pubs and outdoor events all day and night.
I haven't had social groups for a long time.
Like I said even walking groups are taking pictures.

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MissPearlPratt · 09/05/2026 20:15

I loathe having my photo taken. Apparently that makes me awkward/weird etc. People.cannot seem to accept it in any way. Seem to (unfortunately) be in every conceivable photo ever.. It is so annoying

CurdinHenry · 09/05/2026 20:14

Aquarius1234 · 09/05/2026 20:12

I mainly dont for privacy reasons but also my condition is a pain.
But I still deserve a life..

I just think it should be respected and allowed that not everyone wants to be in the photos.

But I have no idea what social groups aren't bothered about this. Or would be happy with not taking pictures of someone that has mentioned they would prefer not to be in the group pictures.

It seems impossible.
I read about a walking group recently and on it pictures were mentioned and it was to advertise the group but these would not be close up.
I mean at least its not selfie types. But still weird.

Edited

Just don't be in photos. I've been doing it my whole life

Original poster
Aquarius1234 · 09/05/2026 20:12

I mainly dont for privacy reasons but also my condition is a pain.
But I still deserve a life..

I just think it should be respected and allowed that not everyone wants to be in the photos.

But I have no idea what social groups aren't bothered about this. Or would be happy with not taking pictures of someone that has mentioned they would prefer not to be in the group pictures.

It seems impossible.
I read about a walking group recently and on it pictures were mentioned and it was to advertise the group but these would not be close up.
I mean at least its not selfie types. But still weird.

OP posts:
CurdinHenry · 09/05/2026 20:11

Aquarius1234 · 09/05/2026 20:09

Yeh I think everyone likes to show teeth as it looks better.

Not gonna reveal exact medical reason. But an example would be you have a rash over your arms and you cover it up. But when you see pics you wish you were like normal people that didnt have a dermatology condition.

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Ok that's not a medical reason not to be in photos though. You still deserve to exist in memoriam if you want to. (I don't)

It doesn't look better it looks deranged.

Original poster
Aquarius1234 · 09/05/2026 20:09

CurdinHenry · 09/05/2026 20:05

Here's a thing - on the rare occasions I'm in a photo I smile with my mouth closed (I always smile with my mouth closed) and some people tell me not to do this. WHY?

Yeh I think everyone likes to show teeth as it looks better.

Not gonna reveal exact medical reason. But an example would be you have a rash over your arms and you cover it up. But when you see pics you wish you were like normal people that didnt have a dermatology condition.

OP posts:
CurdinHenry · 09/05/2026 20:05

Here's a thing - on the rare occasions I'm in a photo I smile with my mouth closed (I always smile with my mouth closed) and some people tell me not to do this. WHY?

CurdinHenry · 09/05/2026 20:03

Aquarius1234 · 09/05/2026 20:02

But I bet sometimes your in them, even if not front and centre.
Some people do whatever it takes even if I try and move out the shot. Which is weird. Probably had a few drinks over Xmas!
Still I said that it was out of order and they just shrugged. Then im like the weirdo.

Does anyone else find the people that are always doing the selfies, have normally made a great effort to look good?
So less likely they are gonna look out of place.

Edited
Show quote history

Er not really

I will for very good old friends if they ask but I hate it so not for random groups and at work events I tell them that in this day and age it's a recipe for being out in deep fake porn (which is true)

theodextrey · 09/05/2026 20:02

Aquarius1234 · 09/05/2026 19:56

Yeh and I can't see this changing any time soon...
A perfect example used to just be that some people are not beautiful and photogenic.

Im totally fine that im not great looking, which to me means stay away from photos! Your only gonna feel bad when you see them.

Why can't it just be the nice attractive ones are in the photos and the others stay back lol

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its so hard too when people are pushy about it

Original poster
Aquarius1234 · 09/05/2026 20:02

CurdinHenry · 09/05/2026 19:57

What are the medical reasons?!?!

I am against photos faod I just try to drift away

But I bet sometimes your in them, even if not front and centre.
Some people do whatever it takes even if I try and move out the shot. Which is weird. Probably had a few drinks over Xmas!
Still I said that it was out of order and they just shrugged. Then im like the weirdo.

Does anyone else find the people that are always doing the selfies, have normally made a great effort to look good?
So less likely they are gonna look out of place.

OP posts: