Hi all. Posting because I genuinely don’t know if I’m expecting too much anymore or if this is just how blended families are and I need to get over myself a bit.
We live in a 2 bed terrace and up until recently my stepsons were only here every other weekend plus bits of school holidays. They’re 14, 10 and 7 and me and OH also have a 14 month old together.
Before anyone says it yes I know the house is small but it worked fine before because the older boys mostly camped out in the living room when they stayed.
Things changed with their mum and they’re now here full time. I’ve actually tried really hard to make it work. We moved DS into our room which honestly hasn’t been ideal because he still wakes in the night sometimes, and we decorated the second bedroom properly for the boys with bunkbeds/storage/new bedding etc so it actually felt like their room not just somewhere they dumped bags every other weekend.
The issue is the eldest.
He absolutely hates sharing and makes everyone miserable constantly. He shouts at the younger two for touching “his” stuff, pushes them about, swears at them and at me if I say anything and OH either says nothing or tells me he’s “struggling with the change”.
I do understand it’s a big adjustment but there seems to be no line at all. Last week he shoved the 10yo hard enough that he hit the doorframe because apparently he’d sat on the wrong side of the room. Yesterday he launched his phone at the wall during an argument with OH because he was told to put washing away and smashed the screen. OH then paid to get it repaired because “otherwise he won’t have a phone for school”.
I nearly lost my mind honestly.
The younger boys are starting to look nervous around him and my 7yo SS cried at bedtime because the eldest had threatened to “make his life hell” if he touched his charger again.
OH says I’m expecting too much too soon and that his eldest is angry/confused and needs support not punishment. I’m not asking him to be marched off to military school, I just think there should actually be consequences when he’s hurting people or smashing things?
I’m also getting fed up of feeling like me and the little ones are the ones constantly compromising while he gets accommodated because he kicks off the loudest.
AIBU to think this can’t just carry on indefinitely?