Vile remark at meeting - what to do?

Yes, it was a mean thing to say. I can only imagine she thought she was amongst friends, trying to be funny, and thought she could get away with saying something like that.

Hopefully, by everyone looking horrified, she'll realise her error and it won't happen again. I mean, we've all said things about people that we wouldn't say to their faces.

Resigning/flouncing off is very OTT.

It was "like the back-end of a bus" round our way. Obviously I know better now and er .. would never say that (in a meeting).

My dilemma is what do I do ? I honestly hate stuff like that- it’s vile- it’s unkind. My DP reckons she made herself look so awful that no further action is needed. I’m tempted to resign, but I think she should go

This approach could very easily come back to bite you on the arse. I very much doubt she’ll agree with you, or that she’d step down of her own accord. So if you really think she should go, then your only option that I can see is to sneak around and get the other committee members to agree with you, then hold a vote of no confidence. But it would be you who would have to bring that up and inform her that her services are no longer required, because I very much doubt anyone would do it for you. And although it’s really unpleasant, it’s not hate speech. It’s not like people would feel that there was no option for her but to go. Some people might think you’re over reacting and all trust in you would be gone.

I think your best option is to be prepared for the next time she says something offensive. So you could say ‘That’s unacceptable, Margery. It’s rude, it’s unnecessary and it’s not what this group is about. If you continue saying these sorts of things about people then one of us will have to leave because you’re changing the atmosphere of a lovely group and it’s becoming a horrible place to be’.

But I’m still cross with myself for not walking out. Im not good if I’m put on the spot. My dilemma is what do I do ?

About this. Nothing. The moment has passed.

About your "not being good if put on the spot"; think of good responses for next time or work on your self confidence? What will you do if the next remark is actually racist/homophobic etc as opposed to just unpleasant?

She sounds like a bully. Not an appropriate person to be working on a committee. Talk to other committee members about their experiences with her. As a group, you might be able to get her thrown off.

Quality virtue signalling. I loved 'I should have said something' and 'I nearly walked out but I didn't..' You crack on and flounce away...
😆

Does their face look like an armpit OP?

I would have asked her who she meant, no idea what a face like an armpit would look like, hairy, sweaty, no doesn't ring any bells. Did anyone know who she meant? I hope the person she was referring to finds out and refuses whatever help was required.

If it's like our PPC meetings, occasionally the words 'not for the minutes' are uttered!

this is a bad quality in a chair and ywnbu for trying to persuade someone else to take over on this basis. But I still think challenging her as stuff comes up is the best approach.

I voted yanbu because I thought this happened in a formal workplace environment. But a committee ? No . I mean who are you gonna even report it to

I once worked with a woman who described a man as 'him with the face like a flaccid penis'.

I was shocked, but then I couldn't unsee it.

I’m a volunteer on a number of committees, doesn’t give me a pass to make insulting comments. A chair at the very least should act professionally

Idk I'm gonna have to see the face to decide 😂😂😂 sorry I just don't know how a human face can resemble an armpit!

I think I read on here that someone had a face like a dropped lasagne.

That's a horrible thing to say OP. I would be upset too - how nasty to comment on someone’s facial hair. Shocked by those who think it’s funny.

I think I read

Gosh there are some pretty unpleasant posters on this thread.

Of course talking about somebody behind their back like that is nasty behaviour. Particularly when she was going to go to try and use the help of the person she was talking about. I expect she has something nasty to say about everyone when they arent in earshot.

I think you should be prepared to call this rude woman out next time, and I'm sure there will be a next time she makes an uncalled for comment.
And if it results in a showdown you will know how the other group members feel about things. And you would be justified in quitting the group if necessary if the air clearing argument exposed the group as one you really weren't comfortable in staying in.

Hairy and sweaty I would imagine.

Is this Handforth Parish Council? And does the person in question look like an armpit?

What is it that stops people saying “Excuse me, I don’t think that speaking of someone that way is acceptable”?

Hairy or shaved.? 😅

Well it’s not very pleasant to comment on someone’s looks especially when you are going to ask them for a favour, but I’d leave it there.

Face like a busted clog
Face like they have been sucking lemons
Face like a dropped flan