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Original poster

Vile remark at meeting - what to do?

309 replies

bagpuss90 · 09/05/2026 13:21

I’m on the committee of a local group - i was at a meeting on Thursday evening and the chair made what I’d regard as a vile remark. She referred to an individual (who she was going to approach to help with something ) as having “a face like an armpit” . She actually said “you know who I mean - the one with a face like an armpit. Everyone looked quite shocked - it was about 5 mins before the meeting wound up. But I’m still cross with myself for not walking out. Im not good if I’m put on the spot. My dilemma is what do I do ? I honestly hate stuff like that- it’s vile- it’s unkind. My DP reckons she made herself look so awful that no further action is needed. I’m tempted to resign, but I think she should go, She’s known for being very outspoken but this in my opinion crossed a line . I’ve not spoken to anyone else on the committee about it. Am I over reacting?

OP posts:
BunnyLake · 09/05/2026 16:38

WongLynchFellini · 09/05/2026 15:04

Surely it’s just one of those things you say when someone is unattractive like saying they look like a big toe or whatever? They don’t literally look like that thing. At least I hope there’s nobody walking around with an actual armpit face!

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Doesn’t make much sense though (maybe she made it up). Might as well have said face like knee or face like a shoulder for all the imagery it conjures up.

UniquePinkSwan · 09/05/2026 16:37

Have you been wrapped in cotton wool
all your life?

BunnyLake · 09/05/2026 16:36

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 09/05/2026 16:04

What about ‘face like a bag of spanners’ or ‘face like a bulldog chewing a wasp?

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I’ve never really understood the spanner one but I think the wasp one easily gives a good visual.

Smacked arse, bulldg chewing on a wasp and looks like they're sucking on a lemon all give good visual images. Armpit and spanners have got me 🤔 though.

ginasevern · 09/05/2026 16:34

@bagpuss90 She sounds like a bitch. Unfortunately Committees in my experience seem to attract them in their droves. I guess it's the power trip. I wouldn't want to hear that said either OP, especially about someone who is giving up their free time to (presumably) help the community.

BunnyLake · 09/05/2026 16:32

Northermcharn · 09/05/2026 15:06

Do we think hairy arm pit or unhairy armpit?

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I was wondering that myself 😂

dizzydizzydizzy · 09/05/2026 16:22

That chair doesn’t sound nice. I was also on a committee in a naice area and resigned due to the nasty behaviour of some of the others. When we were gathering for our meetings, these 2 particular women would always talk very loudly about what awful people cyclists were - in the full knowledge that I was a cyclist. Every damned meeting. I did think about complaining but decided it was pointless because they were local worthies, doing stuff like arranging coffee mornings for the elderly, so I didn’t think complaining would get me anywhere. I took the easy route out and resigned.

HelpMeGetThrough · 09/05/2026 16:22

Well, it gave me a laugh.

Thindog · 09/05/2026 16:21

If I had a face like an armpit I’d shave my arse and walk backwards.

shuddacuddadidnt · 09/05/2026 16:20

CoralOP · 09/05/2026 13:58

It seems to be a mumsnet thing! Never in real life have I come across people who are so utterly offended by anything. I worked in HR 10 years and if someone come to me with one of these complaints I would have to try very hard not to laugh in their face!...thankfully it's never happened!

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Oh God! This happened to me. I burst out laughing and had to apologise to the complainer.

Netcurtainnelly · 09/05/2026 16:19

it's quite easy you say wonder what she thinks of your face.

Purpleharlow · 09/05/2026 16:16

diddl · 09/05/2026 14:06

Well I hope armpit face declines to help out.

😂😂 This genuinely made me laugh out loud 😂

shuddacuddadidnt · 09/05/2026 16:15

Womblingmerrily · 09/05/2026 13:39

Mostly I'd be confused - 'face like an armpit' - does it mean hairy, like someone with a beard?

Is it just a term that means ugly, which of course is entirely subjective.

It's not a very helpful descriptor, that's for sure.

That's what I thought too. I have no idea what it means but 'in need of a shave'.

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 09/05/2026 16:04

Shessweetbutapsycho · 09/05/2026 16:02

This has just made me laugh into my coffee 😂

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What about ‘face like a bag of spanners’ or ‘face like a bulldog chewing a wasp?

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 09/05/2026 16:03

Also why do people think people on committees have to behave professionally? It doesn’t sound like it’s an important meeting and if it’s volunteers then people are more relaxed.

Shessweetbutapsycho · 09/05/2026 16:02

MyDuvetDay · 09/05/2026 13:32

Face like a roofer’s knee is how I usually put it

This has just made me laugh into my coffee 😂

Applesonthelawn · 09/05/2026 16:02

Vile is a bit strong. Rude yes. Not worth flouncing over. Not worth getting offended by proxy. Just take the high road and get the job done.

Owly11 · 09/05/2026 16:01

oh for god's sake it's life. Get over it.

FuckoffeeBeforeCoffee · 09/05/2026 15:59

But does this person have a face like an armpit?!

deeahgwitch · 09/05/2026 15:57

It definitely doesn’t sound like a remark that should be made about somebody at an official meeting. Even more so when you want their help !!!
I’m not surprised she wasn’t called out on it though.
It takes guts to call out nasty behaviour.

PuppyMonkey · 09/05/2026 15:47

I wouldn’t have known what she meant but I think I would have been able to guess it wasn’t being said as a compliment. And it definitely doesn’t sound like the sort of remark that should be made about somebody at an official meeting. Particularly if you want their help with something. Confused

Growlybear83 · 09/05/2026 15:45

I was thinking of an armpit viewed from the side, and not raised, so it would look a bit squashed with a line across it like a mouth. Or maybe Im overthinking it 😆😆

ArtAngel · 09/05/2026 15:44

There's no point in just flouncing.

Equip yourself with a selection of comments or responses to her inappropriate stuff

e.g " well, the insult seems uncalled for but maybe we could ask her..."
"I'm not sure I agree with your personal comments / criticisms but perhaps we could..."
"Can we keep our conversation / language of a kind we can see in the minutes?"
"I am not comfortable with that language, but the main issue here is..."

And tbh OP, if you are NOT comfortable giving your opinion in a polite, direct way, are you the right person to be on a committee? People on committees take responsibility and need to make their views clear. Give it a try, once you get the hang of it it gets easier. If she can make her views known, so can you!

EveryKneeShallBow · 09/05/2026 15:44

Teanbiscuits33 · 09/05/2026 13:36

What does that refer to? An armpit is…well, an armpit? I don’t understand how someone’s face can look like one or how it’s supposed to suggest someone is ugly?

@LiviaDrusillaAugusta I thought face like a slapped arse meant someone looked miserable or angry, whereas ‘face like an armpit’ sounds like it’s suggesting the person is unattractive, although I can’t really understand how it’s supposed to mean that!

I agree face like a slapped arse refers to someone’s expression which they are to some extent in control of, and thus is less rude in my book than commenting about someone’s looks, which is rude because you can’t much change those. But I honestly cannot think how a face can be like sn armpit.

Goldenbear · 09/05/2026 15:36

MabelRoyds · 09/05/2026 15:26

The knowledge that they will be regarded as nit picking and po faced and people will smile to their faces but sigh with relief as they walk away.

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That depends on who you keep company with. I would rather align myself with the less insecure that don't need to remark upon others looks because of their own petty failings.

OriginalSkang · 09/05/2026 15:34

Melancholyflower · 09/05/2026 15:25

But what does it mean?

Hairy, sweaty and a bit creased?

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