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Original poster

Vile remark at meeting - what to do?

309 replies

bagpuss90 · 09/05/2026 13:21

I’m on the committee of a local group - i was at a meeting on Thursday evening and the chair made what I’d regard as a vile remark. She referred to an individual (who she was going to approach to help with something ) as having “a face like an armpit” . She actually said “you know who I mean - the one with a face like an armpit. Everyone looked quite shocked - it was about 5 mins before the meeting wound up. But I’m still cross with myself for not walking out. Im not good if I’m put on the spot. My dilemma is what do I do ? I honestly hate stuff like that- it’s vile- it’s unkind. My DP reckons she made herself look so awful that no further action is needed. I’m tempted to resign, but I think she should go, She’s known for being very outspoken but this in my opinion crossed a line . I’ve not spoken to anyone else on the committee about it. Am I over reacting?

OP posts:
ClayPotaLot · 09/05/2026 18:04

If you don't like remarks like that you have to speak up at the time, OP. Not throw your toys out of the pram days later.

Just say something like "I don't think that's a good way to talk about others, especially when you're acting in an official capacity."

MabelRoyds · 09/05/2026 18:01

AlexandraJJ · 09/05/2026 17:48

I re read the insult in an Audrey fforbes-Hamilton voice 🤦‍♀️

Ha ha! Brilliant!

ConstanzeMozart · 09/05/2026 17:54

Oh, pack it in with all the ‘well, I don’t even know what that means’ disingenuous nonsense. It’s pretty obvious it wasn’t meant as a compliment.
And why is the OP getting a hard time over it? It’s a massively rude, inappropriate and cruel thing to say. It’s also impolitic when you say it about someone who you want a favour from!
OP, I’d be tempted, if you have this sort of organising structure, to add an item to the agenda for the next meeting along the lines of ‘appropriate conduct in the group’ and raise it then.

AlexandraJJ · 09/05/2026 17:48

I re read the insult in an Audrey fforbes-Hamilton voice 🤦‍♀️

Dweetfidilove · 09/05/2026 17:48

You were going to quit, because someone made an awful remark?
Do you run away every time someone says something uncomfortable? Sounds quite weak.
Practise calling people on their bullshit, and they'll think twice about saying unkind things.

FozzieP · 09/05/2026 17:43

It's not appropriate in any committee for the chair to be insulting to others members. However, I don't see it as a resigning issue for you - just the chair.

Safarisagoody · 09/05/2026 17:37

What type of committee is it. Is it something like organising May Day and the like? 😂

Flamingojune · 09/05/2026 17:36

MyDuvetDay · 09/05/2026 13:32

Face like a roofer’s knee is how I usually put it

What does that mean?

Safarisagoody · 09/05/2026 17:36

JustSawJohnny · 09/05/2026 17:24

The comment wasn't very nice.

That said, it would've been a massive overreaction to have left the meeting and it would be a gargantuan overreaction to resign over it!

If you were going to do anything, it should have been at the time and be, at most, a reminder to stay professional and not make personal remarks like that in meetings.

With kindness, you need to get over it and work on speaking up in a more timely manner.

It is typical committee drama though. They all love a bit of that. 😂

WhatcakeshalIbaketoday · 09/05/2026 17:36

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 09/05/2026 13:24

Why is that vile ? I have heard people described as having a face like a slapped arse. Is that similar

What about having an arse that looks like a slapped face? 😂

CloudyBayPlease · 09/05/2026 17:34

That would’ve made me laugh.

Does said person have a face like an armpit?

Safarisagoody · 09/05/2026 17:32

Dollymylove · 09/05/2026 17:31

A face like a smacked arse is my favourite 😆

Just waiting for someone to pop up and say but what does that mean ! 😂

Dollymylove · 09/05/2026 17:31

A face like a smacked arse is my favourite 😆

Tauranga · 09/05/2026 17:31

bagpuss90 · 09/05/2026 13:21

I’m on the committee of a local group - i was at a meeting on Thursday evening and the chair made what I’d regard as a vile remark. She referred to an individual (who she was going to approach to help with something ) as having “a face like an armpit” . She actually said “you know who I mean - the one with a face like an armpit. Everyone looked quite shocked - it was about 5 mins before the meeting wound up. But I’m still cross with myself for not walking out. Im not good if I’m put on the spot. My dilemma is what do I do ? I honestly hate stuff like that- it’s vile- it’s unkind. My DP reckons she made herself look so awful that no further action is needed. I’m tempted to resign, but I think she should go, She’s known for being very outspoken but this in my opinion crossed a line . I’ve not spoken to anyone else on the committee about it. Am I over reacting?

Did the person under discussion actually look like an armpit???

Ohgoose · 09/05/2026 17:30

I think she sounds awful and out of order. But why would you resign OP? Maybe she should fuck off if she’s going to speak about volunteers like that.

Who could you talk to for advice/action? What’s the committee process for issues and complaints?

Not surprised people on here think it’s fine what she said but it isn’t.

Soontobesingles · 09/05/2026 17:29

Walking out would have been pathetic. The right course of action would have been to pull her up on it at the time. In all honesty, it’s not worth getting her up over - it was an unkind remark, worse things have happened at sea!

CurdinHenry · 09/05/2026 17:25

Storming out is lame - you should have said in front of everyone that it was a really unpleasant comment and reflected poorly on her.

JustSawJohnny · 09/05/2026 17:24

The comment wasn't very nice.

That said, it would've been a massive overreaction to have left the meeting and it would be a gargantuan overreaction to resign over it!

If you were going to do anything, it should have been at the time and be, at most, a reminder to stay professional and not make personal remarks like that in meetings.

With kindness, you need to get over it and work on speaking up in a more timely manner.

RafaFan · 09/05/2026 17:23

It's the kind of thing you might say privately while having a laugh with friends. It's unpleasant and inappropriate in the setting it was used in, especially when she was intending to ask this person for help (presumably on a voluntary basis). She sounds like the kind of person who will very quickly create divisions within a group - her acolytes that will laugh along with her vs the rest who can't be bothered with her bitchiness.

Krevlornswath · 09/05/2026 17:21

Not sure there is a need to have walked out, or resigned over simply just saying something. The meeting having passed doesn't prohibit you from speaking to her to say that the language she used made you feel uncomfortable and felt unkind/inappropriate for the setting.

DaringZebra · 09/05/2026 17:20

Be prepared to speak up if she is rude again. Let this one go.

MyrtlethePurpleTurtle · 09/05/2026 17:12

Womblingmerrily · 09/05/2026 13:39

Mostly I'd be confused - 'face like an armpit' - does it mean hairy, like someone with a beard?

Is it just a term that means ugly, which of course is entirely subjective.

It's not a very helpful descriptor, that's for sure.

I googled "face like an armpit" and didn't get any relevant hits. I did, however, find myself down a dark rabbit hole of maschalagnia. Google it if you dare

Womenz · 09/05/2026 17:06

Ring the police

WongLynchFellini · 09/05/2026 16:42

BunnyLake · 09/05/2026 16:38

Doesn’t make much sense though (maybe she made it up). Might as well have said face like knee or face like a shoulder for all the imagery it conjures up.

Show quote history

I kind of get it, I mean armpits are one of the less attractive body parts, but then I can’t actually visualise so maybe it’s just me!

Boomer55 · 09/05/2026 16:40

I wouldn’t report.

What does a face like an armpit even look like? 🤷‍♀️

I’ve heard of face like a box of spanners, but not this.😳

It would have just made me laugh to be honest.