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Original poster

Vile remark at meeting - what to do?

309 replies

bagpuss90 · 09/05/2026 13:21

I’m on the committee of a local group - i was at a meeting on Thursday evening and the chair made what I’d regard as a vile remark. She referred to an individual (who she was going to approach to help with something ) as having “a face like an armpit” . She actually said “you know who I mean - the one with a face like an armpit. Everyone looked quite shocked - it was about 5 mins before the meeting wound up. But I’m still cross with myself for not walking out. Im not good if I’m put on the spot. My dilemma is what do I do ? I honestly hate stuff like that- it’s vile- it’s unkind. My DP reckons she made herself look so awful that no further action is needed. I’m tempted to resign, but I think she should go, She’s known for being very outspoken but this in my opinion crossed a line . I’ve not spoken to anyone else on the committee about it. Am I over reacting?

OP posts:
liamharha · 10/05/2026 19:02

bagpuss90 · 09/05/2026 13:21

I’m on the committee of a local group - i was at a meeting on Thursday evening and the chair made what I’d regard as a vile remark. She referred to an individual (who she was going to approach to help with something ) as having “a face like an armpit” . She actually said “you know who I mean - the one with a face like an armpit. Everyone looked quite shocked - it was about 5 mins before the meeting wound up. But I’m still cross with myself for not walking out. Im not good if I’m put on the spot. My dilemma is what do I do ? I honestly hate stuff like that- it’s vile- it’s unkind. My DP reckons she made herself look so awful that no further action is needed. I’m tempted to resign, but I think she should go, She’s known for being very outspoken but this in my opinion crossed a line . I’ve not spoken to anyone else on the committee about it. Am I over reacting?

But did you know who she meant .....

ChiliFiend · 10/05/2026 18:58

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 09/05/2026 13:24

Why is that vile ? I have heard people described as having a face like a slapped arse. Is that similar

How would you feel if you heard someone had described your face that way?

WittyTaupeLion · 10/05/2026 18:40

Some people speak like that without thought. They joke and bully without knowing it’s offensive. It’s awful and sometimes committees need rules.

WittyTaupeLion · 10/05/2026 18:39

That’s horrible too. Why can’t people be adults and be nice?

CatComments · 10/05/2026 18:30

I wonder if she has a face like I would describe as "a Yorkshire pudding face". It's a sort of squishy looking face, but I don't mean anything "vile" by it. It's just an apt word to describe someone's features.

And it especially makes sense if you knew exactly who she meant by her description.

Livelovebehappy · 10/05/2026 18:28

ive never heard someone described in that way before. Might it mean the person has a sweaty looking face? (Just trying to find a bit of redemption here…..might not mean ugly…)

GlobalTravellerbutespeciallyBognor · 10/05/2026 18:23

I’m afraid that I would worry about the MH of anyone who stated things like that. It isn’t a normal expression at all.

Moveoverdarlin · 10/05/2026 18:21

Spent the last ten minutes pondering whether I would rather have a face like a slapped ass or a face like an armpit.

Slapped ass suggests being miserable so I’m gonna go for an armpit.

Looneytune253 · 10/05/2026 18:16

Please don’t quit. I’m a member of a similar sounding committee and we have a member that is frequently rude to people. I have managed to get the position of chair from them BUT it’s not the type of committee where you can just oust someone. Especially someone that has all the knowledge and been on the committee longer than most of us have been alive lol. Anyway, my point is, the committee will already be massively struggling and need people to stand up and try and change the toxic culture. Ours is slowly changing with a code of conduct that has been written for us.

Asyoulikeit123 · 10/05/2026 18:12

no, pretty mean and yes she looks like a tw*t for saying it 😄

Julimia · 10/05/2026 18:12

If you have any hopes for survival you need to get a grip. No need to be sensitive, and certainly not on the behalf of others
Face like a smacked a... is another one!!!

Janoir · 10/05/2026 18:07

She is being funny and not woke. You are being a bit sensitive..no offence

Zerosleep · 10/05/2026 18:07

In my profession, there are values, behaviours and codes of conduct committee members should adhere to. I would email the chair directly and raise the issue directly sharing your concerns in a professional manner. It’s disgusting and no one warrants being spoken about like that.

Janoir · 10/05/2026 18:07

She is being funny and not woke. You are being a bit sensitive..no offence

UncannyFanny · 10/05/2026 18:06

I mean not very nice but vile? Come on now.

BountifulPantry · 10/05/2026 18:06

I think the typical Mumsnet “Oh gosh, did you mean to say that out loud?!” Would do here!

Itsnotallaboutyoulikeyouthink · 10/05/2026 18:04

Well depends if it’s a hairy smelly armpit or and freshly shaven deodorised armpit. I wouldn’t mind the latter. Don’t be so ridiculous and get a sense of humour it’s not like she said it infront of the person.

Minglingpringle · 10/05/2026 18:03

Not reacting in the moment is often a strength. It means you’re taking a beat to consider how you feel about something that’s surprised you. And how to react.

Storming out of the room would probably have been overkill.

Now you know you didn’t like the comment, you can mention it if it ever feels appropriate. For example, if she repeats it, you could say “I don’t think you’re going to. Get many volunteers if you talk about them like that”.

PigglyWigglyOhYeah · 10/05/2026 18:02

I prefer ‘face like a dropped pie.’

The chair wasn’t being very nice, but there you are…lots of people aren’t. You can remove yourself from her vicinity if her misguided attempts at humour are giving you the vapours.

JadeWriter · 10/05/2026 18:02

I think your being very dramatic at a childish comment.
The comment was slightly inappropriate, but not vile.
I think if you're this upset, you probably need take a break off this committee, go ahead and resign..

hcee19 · 10/05/2026 17:57

Obviously you weren't that bothered when it was said, otherwise you would have acted there & then...So, are you really as bothered as you make out?l don't think so. If feel free if you want to resign...

Looloolexi · 10/05/2026 17:52

Love this response. Grown up and professional.

Cariadm · 10/05/2026 17:52

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 09/05/2026 13:24

Why is that vile ? I have heard people described as having a face like a slapped arse. Is that similar

I presume you are familiar with the phrase 'two wrongs don't make a right' because neither the comment highlighted by the OP nor the one you have mentioned having heard are acceptable or necessary! 😡
The comment was definitely not something an intelligent and mature person should be using in the situation described by the OP and for me a quiet word with other committee members would be necessary with a view to replacing this obviously unpleasant person from the position of 'chair'... 🙄

Teddybear23 · 10/05/2026 17:50

Why pack in a job just because someone said something bad about someone else?

Washingupdone · 10/05/2026 17:50

Better stay on and fight another day. Be prepared.