Vile remark at meeting - what to do?

Sorry @ColdAsAWitches, my response was supposed to be to @AnneLovesGilbert saying "What on earth does it mean? I'm completely intrigued.

Hairy and smelly? Or is that just my armpit!

I was part of a Voluntaey Sector group for over 20 years and attended Commitee Meetings on a moothly basis.

Our Chair would have censued that person staight away for making a rude and personal remark.

Not heard that remark before now.. It actually doesnt even make sense. Face like a Bashed Crab used to a top insult back in the day.

Perhaps her time would be better used writing scripts for the Malcolm Tucker character in the Thick of It.

She should get in touch with Armando
Ianucci if they ever make a new series

I would just leave.

Sorry can’t comment without seeing a photo.

According to this thread it doesn’t matter.

That’s up to you … how will things change if people to scared to speak up?!?

I agree with your DH. We can't police what other adults say. People who say stupid things just make themselves look stupid.

My chair person made a racist comment. Would you give me the same advice? I’m not confronting her. I’m just withdrawing from the committee.

I've never heard such an expression before or description of someone's face to even resemble an armpit, but I can tell it most surely wasn't meant to be some compliment 💚

Completely concur with you 💚

Greetings Original Commenter 💚
I'd be stumped too & most likely for peace's sake sit through the rest of the meeting 🫂
Please don't be hard on yourself - (even in the bible there's something along the lines of bringing problems on a 1 to 1 basis directly to the individual you have the issue with 🫂
It's much more professional too, to discuss matters on a 1-2-1 basis rather than in front of others which can cause embarrassment shame etc
Yes I'd most likely, personally, therefore try to find an opportunity to bring this to the woman directly, maybe request to meet her at a mutually convenient time for you both?
Wishing you all the utmost very best with this & God bless You&Your Family💚

Not nice, but yes, you are over-reacting … maybe speak to her when you next see her and say you don’t think comments like that are appropriate.

I also wouldn’t resign as it just punishes yourself (unless you wanted to anyway). It is hard to think how to react in the situation. I guess the best would be if no-one reacted to vile comments and she could detect the tumbleweed in the room. Then she could feel shame.

Just ignore. But if it happens again, you could address it straightaway - hopefully others would side with you. It’s one thing to joke between a couple or close friends, but it’s another to publicly say horrible things.

I'd challenge it and say you found it inappropriate which it was.

I’d pull her up on it and say it wasn’t a nice thing to say and very disrespectful.
how would she like it if someone said that about her. Meeting should be professional. Disgusting thing to say about anyone

Honestly think that's quite funny.... I only think something is vile if it's deeply offensive/hateful. Sounds to me like she just is a bit insensitive/says what she thinks. If she'd said something that breached the equality act, or sounded like she was going to cause harm to someone, or even said something really particularly pointed (if she'd said something about a specific body part, or characteristic) it'd be worse. Face like an armpit just conjures up a bit wrinkly to be honest.... doesn't sound very vile or hate filled. Maybe I'm not getting what she means

She got the saying wrong anyway. She should have said ‘she’s got a face like a slapped arse ‘ 😂.

Lol, reminds me of what my dear ole mum used to say(rest her soul) whenever someone looked angry, she used to say "they've got a face like a smacked ar*e.". don't think it's even worth mentioning, least of all have her thrown off the committee. I'd prob laugh if I knew someone had said that about me. And I'm quite sensitive.

Hmm, I thought the face like a slapped arse meant - red face. You know when someone slows you, you go a bit red!!!
I just had a look at my armpit, it’s a regular/non offensive body part. Perhaps she meant smooth???(as in hairless)

It's always been unkind/rude to make negative comments about someone's appearance. What's new is that even positive comments are now also considered rude.
On the other hand, I don't consider saying that someone is ugly, when they are not present, it the worst thing ever. It's something the person can't help and is therefore less of an insult than something like 'they're behaving so stubbornly'. It can still be very upsetting, of course, if the person in question hears about it.

Don’t quit. Everyone looked shocked, she’s made a show of herself. I bet she thought about that as a mistake later.

I find saying 'that's a bit harsh' pulls someone up for rudeness without being confrontational.
At your next meeting when you get to 'any other business', ask that a kindness policy be introduced when referring to people, or ask your committee secretary to put it on the agenda.

It was a nasty comment op as the shocked silence testifies, it just depends if you've all got the balls to call her out on it.

If I don't like something that's said at a public meeting....I either say something immediately, or if the opportunity goes (which is very often.... Hindsight, armed with a perfect response, is a lovely thing), I'd take an opportunity to tell the person diplomatically how the comment came across. Usually, asking how she'd feel if someone made such a comment about her in a meeting works....

There is a saying “face like a crocodiles armpit “ for someone with dry, wrinkled skin. Would the person she was talking about meet that definition? I agree saying it in a work or formal type meeting seems a bit off.

I don't understand why people think this is acceptable. I agree with OP @bagpuss90. Paid or voluntary, a leader has been incredibly rude and disparaging about someone and, even worse, someone she wants help from.

I would either ask someone you trust from that group what they thought. Or pull the leader aside the next time you see them to say you found it unprofessional/rude/unkind and it made you feel uncomfortable. She may not care, but you'll have have done your bit.