Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Vile remark at meeting - what to do?

309 replies

bagpuss90 · 09/05/2026 13:21

I’m on the committee of a local group - i was at a meeting on Thursday evening and the chair made what I’d regard as a vile remark. She referred to an individual (who she was going to approach to help with something ) as having “a face like an armpit” . She actually said “you know who I mean - the one with a face like an armpit. Everyone looked quite shocked - it was about 5 mins before the meeting wound up. But I’m still cross with myself for not walking out. Im not good if I’m put on the spot. My dilemma is what do I do ? I honestly hate stuff like that- it’s vile- it’s unkind. My DP reckons she made herself look so awful that no further action is needed. I’m tempted to resign, but I think she should go, She’s known for being very outspoken but this in my opinion crossed a line . I’ve not spoken to anyone else on the committee about it. Am I over reacting?

OP posts:
Dontlletmedownbruce · 09/05/2026 14:15

I'm thinking of John and Mary on Father Ted 'you've a face like a pair of tits'. Never knew what it meant but it makes me laugh every time.

PurpleNightingale · 09/05/2026 14:14

DoYouWantHalfThisSandwich · 09/05/2026 13:27

@bagpuss90 Was there someone, the secretary perhaps, taking minutes? If so, was the comment officially noted? Because if it was, she’s done all the hard work for you - everyone is going to be aware of it, & natural justice might take its course.

I take minutes- we definitely would not write this down! Unless it was court minutes you keep it factual and relevant to the business of the meeting.

Growlybear83 · 09/05/2026 14:14

SmeII · 09/05/2026 13:54

Is constantly reporting things a British thing? I see it on here a lot (I’m not from the UK). Recent post about a local worker allowing their car to idle- report them to their employer. Someone looked at me funny in work- report to HR. A man walked past my house- report to 101.

If you’re so easily insulted (on behalf of someone else), the best way to tackle the behaviour is on the spot. You could have said something like “that was an inappropriate remark” or “I don’t think it’s very nice to refer to someone who uses our services in a derogatory way”.

You’re not a child, you can use your own words and not go running to the nearest adult.

I think it’s very much a Mumsnet thing. In my 68 years Ive never come across anyone in real life who would report the sort of things that are raised on Mumsnet, let alone asking for advice on whether they should do so 🤣

EarthlyNightshade · 09/05/2026 14:13

This is a "say something at the time/say something next time" situation.

If no one ever pulls people up on personal remarks then they will continue to make them. Lots of people on here think it's fine so you may want to read the room on what the other people on the committee are like.

Growlybear83 · 09/05/2026 14:12

BMW58 · 09/05/2026 14:00

That's pretty tame I'd say.

My favourite is

"He/She has a face like a bulldog licking piss off a thistle"

🤣🤣🤣. That’s another one to add to my list of insults !

KilkennyCats · 09/05/2026 14:12

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

OneTealShaker · 09/05/2026 14:10

Maybe OP is now so traumatized she will need time off work and have PTSD.

Seriously, people need to pick the things to get upset about. It’s not a competition on who can find he most mundane thing to get most offended by.

Safarisagoody · 09/05/2026 14:09

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 09/05/2026 14:04

I genuinely assumed that, for a comment to be considered ‘vile’, it actually had to be racist/ableist/sexist/homophobic etc

Generally by most people yes. But the op finds this vile. 😂

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 09/05/2026 14:09

Goldenbear · 09/05/2026 14:06

Er no.

Show quote history

Well it would appear I’m not the only one who thinks the OP is totally overreacting. ‘Unpleasant’ - maybe. ‘Vile’ - complete hyperbole

Safarisagoody · 09/05/2026 14:08

BunnyLake · 09/05/2026 14:06

I think I’d have said what the hell does a face like an armpit look like? Then look at her intently waiting for her explanation.

God I’d loved to have seen that. The pair of you being mad as a box of frogs together, proper committee folk behaviour. 😂 I’d have been guffawing all the way home.

Goldenbear · 09/05/2026 14:08

People who comment on looks in this way are always the most insecure and conceited as 9/10 they are objectively interesting to look at.

TheLocust · 09/05/2026 14:08

My husband's gran used to say "a face like a bashed in crab" 😄

OneTealShaker · 09/05/2026 14:07

Vile? Calm down OP.

Goldenbear · 09/05/2026 14:06

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 09/05/2026 14:04

I genuinely assumed that, for a comment to be considered ‘vile’, it actually had to be racist/ableist/sexist/homophobic etc

Er no.

BunnyLake · 09/05/2026 14:06

I think I’d have said what the hell does a face like an armpit look like? Then look at her intently waiting for her explanation.

TheRealMagic · 09/05/2026 14:06

I love the idea it might have been minuted.

'The Committee agreed to approach Anne Smith for assistance with the project, the Chair having noted that her face resembled an armpit. Action: Secretary to approach Anne Smith. Action: Chair to provide further context on the relationship between faces and armpits'

diddl · 09/05/2026 14:06

Well I hope armpit face declines to help out.

WeatherOrNothing · 09/05/2026 14:05

Get a life op. It’s not the best thing to say but you want to resign? You sound so overdramatic

DugnuttEyeBoogies · 09/05/2026 14:04

MyDuvetDay · 09/05/2026 13:32

Face like a roofer’s knee is how I usually put it

lol 😂

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 09/05/2026 14:04

I genuinely assumed that, for a comment to be considered ‘vile’, it actually had to be racist/ableist/sexist/homophobic etc

SlayTheJAway · 09/05/2026 14:04

Oh give over. Walking out of a meeting because someone said something you wouldn’t say.

The virtue signaling on here these days is a massive snooze.

Safarisagoody · 09/05/2026 14:03

CoralOP · 09/05/2026 13:58

It seems to be a mumsnet thing! Never in real life have I come across people who are so utterly offended by anything. I worked in HR 10 years and if someone come to me with one of these complaints I would have to try very hard not to laugh in their face!...thankfully it's never happened!

Show quote history

Honestly generally these volunteer committee folks don’t actually reside in the real working world. Retired, unemployed types who love the drama.

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 09/05/2026 14:02

CoralOP · 09/05/2026 13:58

It seems to be a mumsnet thing! Never in real life have I come across people who are so utterly offended by anything. I worked in HR 10 years and if someone come to me with one of these complaints I would have to try very hard not to laugh in their face!...thankfully it's never happened!

Show quote history

I know what you mean. God knows how they would react if they encountered something serious

Safarisagoody · 09/05/2026 14:02

pavillion1 · 09/05/2026 13:58

Have you always been overly sensitive?

I reckon her husband is used to managing it, he’s said she’s made herself look so awful no further action is required sweetie 😂

Safarisagoody · 09/05/2026 14:00

BMW58 · 09/05/2026 14:00

That's pretty tame I'd say.

My favourite is

"He/She has a face like a bulldog licking piss off a thistle"

Love that one, I use that!

Swipe left for the next trending thread