Vile remark at meeting - what to do?

Amazing!

Did you ever tell her to put a sock in it? 🤣

I really don't get it when people are proud of being unbothered by comments like that. And as for it being 'tame' if you're used to a male-dominated environment, well, why the hell is it OK for men to behave like that? Why must other people get a thicker skin to deal with it, rather than these men behaving appropriately? Why is our bar so low.

Both types of language are unacceptable. I personally don’t sweet unless I break a bone and even then I just scream! Some people have mouths like amsewers. Didn’t bring mine up to swear but when they with friends sometimes they do. It’s a young persons thing nowadays.

Yes it’s a bit rude, especially in that setting, but hardly that bad. I would have laughed, but I am pretty thick skinned. I worked in a male dominated environment for years, and find that comment fairly tame if I’m honest! You sound quite precious. Have you never said similar - I know I have - but it’s important to know your audience! By all means call someone out at the time if it upsets you or otherwise just move on.

🤣

I think you underreacted at the time and are overreacting now because you're annoyed at yourself for not saying anything. A simple 'What an unkind thing to say' would have done. You could still now say to her next time you see her that her remark has been on your mind, you thought it was unnecessary and unkind. But that's the extent of it IMO.

That depends. Does she have a face like an armpit? I mean, it could be a fair comment. LOL

It really isn't. Saying fuck is fine and so is calling someone a cunt as that is based on their behaviour, not how they look.

I would also bet that the Chair of this committee would go apeshit if anyone spoke about her in such derogatory terms. People like that can normally dish it out but can't take it.

You are both reasonable and unreasonable.

She should not have spoken that way.

But the way to deal with things like this isn't to flounce out of a meeting or quit the committee. The way to deal with it is to call her out!

In terms of shoulda woulda coulda, you should not have walked out. That's just childish behaviour and wouldn't help anyone. You should have said 'please let's not speak about people in such horrible terms' or 'I find it very offensive you'd use language like that'.

It's not too late. In the next meeting either in front of the group or take her to one side and say it's not on to speak about people in this way. Otherwise she'll never change.

One of my colleagues once referred to a contractor in conversation as “the one that looks like rhinoceros upside down”. There were at least a dozen working on our floor at the time but in the words of the two Ronnies “we heard what he said but we knew who he meant”.

@SoManyTshirts Love this!

I remember years ago listening in on a conversation between my Mum and some of my aunties. They were discussing a recent village event they had all been to and elderly auntie was trying to tell the others something about one of the women there. Clearly none of them knew her name, but auntie described her as "the one in the dress that did nowt for her." That did the trick, they instantly knew who she was referring to.

I can only assume she has facial hair from your wording ?
It was a horrible thing to say In her position. Derogatory, of she had referred to the person as looking like a letterbox all hell would break loose at that. So I think op made a fair comment. I would of challenged that. But dont resign you might catch her out again. I also think some of the support this comment has made shows how Indifferent people are to others feelings.

No one’s allowed to laugh at anything or anyone anymore. Get a grip.

Such outrage, you should have flounced off when it was said, wept loudly told your DP that someone said something rude. Had a rest on your chaise long then after a suitable length of time you could get up and write some notes to all concerned on lavender scented paper.

But an armpit is just an area of skin. That’s what odd about it as an expression. It’s no more unattractive than ‘area of lower back’ or ‘forearm’.

I thought it was funny, but then I am older and I find a lot of inappropriate things funny. So sad.

As previous posters have correctly noted, people
who throw out these insults are never oil paintings themselves.

The phrase doesn’t work as an insult because it doesn’t scan. The visual of a face as an armpit just doesn’t work. So she is unfunny as well as rude.

It’s understandable to freeze in the moment OP. You know for next time to just ask her to keep things professional. She is unlikely to take the feedback on board because people like that never do

Mybe she should look at her own face before passing judgment on others, people who disrespect others (for no good reason) usually have empty lives, what she said was cruel and nasty......😮

I think it’s kind of funny. I worked with a woman once who looked like a foot. I can’t really explain why or how but her face resembled a foot. I get what the woman means, I never would have said it publicly obviously as she did!! Just leave it though, she probably said it without thinking.

Do they actually have a face like an armpit?

Either way, rather than a dramatic walk out or resignation, maybe just point out that you found the comment rude and inappropriate.

But a horrible thing to say about someone she is about to ask for help. It’s unprofessional and inappropriate. She’s showed herself as a nasty person so that is one job she has taken care of herself. You will be aware next time and ready to pull her up.

I would just find it a bizarre comment and think the person saying it is not quite right in the head.

Did the person she was speaking of acknowledge it? Did they seem upset about being described that way? Before you do anything, you should find that out. If they didn’t mind or found it funny, do nothing.
If that person was clearly uncomfortable, maybe take the speaker aside and mention that what they said could be considered unkind. Probably, they thought it was no big deal. Either bringing up the idea that it could be hurtful will make them self reflect, or they’ll dismiss you as easily offended. After that, you decide if you want to remain a member of this group.

What does that mean? Looking roughed up? Red?

This is really strange; had it been a man she was referring to I would have thought it meant he had shaggy, unruly facial hair pointing in various directions but it's hard to visualise a woman with a face like that. Of course, it could be a shaved or depilated armpit. Did you know who she meant once she said that?

I'd check if there are any published guidelines and standards for committee members - you may have been given something when you applied or were appointed? While I wouldn't support rounding up people and jailing/executing them for comparing people to armpits, it seems like the role is a formal/responsible one and members, and especially the chair, should be held to certain standards.

I don't see why you'd quit - as you feel very strongly that she's wrong, you'd be doing more good speaking up about it than leaving her to it.

Sure. You'd not be offended being described as 'the one with the face like an armpit".