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Original poster

AIBU to be angry after SIL accused me of disordered eating?

232 replies

PerfomativeDisordered · 09/05/2026 13:08

In the Easter holidays we went away with SIL and her family. The dc get on well and we thought it might be nice for them to spend more time together. Up till now we always got on with SIL and her DP.

The plan was to go away again in the summer. However SIL spoke to DH yesterday and they’ve cancelled coming with us. Apparently my behaviour at Easter was not something they can ‘put up with or expose their teenage daughters to’

They accused me of

  1. having disordered and performative eating habits and possibly an eating disorder and don’t think I should be around their girls as it’s not setting a good example. That I was affecting her as well as I made her feel stressed about food the way I ate and the quantities and how 3 cooked meals a day is gluttony yet I’m too thin so she felt huge anxiety?

2)that I’m cruel to animals as we wouldn’t allow their dog into our room in the accommodation which meant they had to get up to distract him. Apparently he loves dh and wanted cuddles and me preventing that made them feel anxious as that’s not a normal response ? I love animals I just didn’t want a dog in our bed ! Every evening and early morning he was whining and scratching and this ruined their relaxing.

Back to the eating. I eat totally normally! SIL had put the idea to dh that I must have crash dieted before the holiday , overeaten in a performative way during then accused me of ‘probably starving herself’ when home apparently to make her feel bad.
I eat very healthily and normally. Never had any kind of eating disorder and I’m a normal size (8-10 no idea what I weigh as I don’t have scales as never needed any)
a typical days eating for me is pretty standard I think:
I have eggs on toast and a smoothie for breakfast. Snack on fruit or nuts mid morning. I love lattes. Have 2-3 a day.
I love to cook so for lunches I make things like pasta salads, chicken and salmon with rice and avocado. Sometimes frittata or quiche.
Dinners I’ll have anything but it’s the biggest meal and things like curries , bolognese and garlic bread. When we were away I made a dark
choc and raspberry torte and SIL kept saying ‘well of course I can’t have dessert’ and seemed annoyed when I had 2 slices. I snack in the evening and had popcorn one night and a glass of wine and crackers and cheese another night. She said I overeat so I must be cutting back at other times to overeat around them and her daughters will see me and the amount I eat and ‘it doesn’t add up’

She doesn’t want someone ‘unstable who won’t admit there’s a problem’ around impressionable teens and it’s apparently very concerning that I dislike animals that’s a red flag apparently.

DH told her this is all ridiculous he’s known me for a long long time he knows I have zero issues that she is suggesting. I’m confused too as she’s known me a long time I’ve always been the same size ???

AIBU to be really angry at these accusations. We also have teen dds as well as younger ds. She was insinuating that im a risk to them as well and telling dh that?!

OP posts:
wordler · 10/05/2026 21:10

PerfomativeDisordered · 10/05/2026 19:55

We haven’t been away with them before so i think we just thought we got along but only in small doses it seems !

Ah! That makes sense - she’s always assumed that you have the slim figure you have because you restrict your eating.

So she can’t square what she saw in reality and she’s jealous - which to feel better about herself she’s turned into you must be lying and purging later or something.

The dog thing is weird! Most people wouldn’t want someone else’s dog in their bedroom.

worldshottestmom · 10/05/2026 20:57

Projection if I've ever seen it 😮‍💨

Matcheroo · 10/05/2026 20:53

Did DH usually get along with his sister? What does he think…unusual behaviour from her or par for the course?

SP2024 · 10/05/2026 20:46

OK yes she’s nuts. I thought you were going to say you only eat once a day or made a big deal about meal time. I have to say I couldn’t eat that and stay a size 8-10 but I wouldn’t say it was disordered, setting a bad example or anything really! For all I know you may do loads of exercise too.

Bunnycat101 · 10/05/2026 20:40

Completely mad. Most people wouldn’t like a dog in their bedroom. Deciding you’ve got an eating disorder is really unreasonable given what you’ve described. I was really expecting your post to go ‘my SIl accused me of an ED- but I ate 8 grapes and a poached egg every day so there’s clearly nothing wrong’. I wasn’t expecting you to say ‘but I ate 3 meals plus snacks and puddings’. Maybe she thinks you’re throwing it all up but that is a pretty hefty reach.

ImImmortalNowBabyDoll · 10/05/2026 20:34

This is really funny because I've had two SILs (well, first was long term bf's sister, second husband's sister). SIL 1 was obsessed with the idea I was cruel to her dog, because I didn't let him sit on me or come in the room I was sleeping in, because I'm highly allergic to dogs. SIL 2 spread rumours that I had an eating disorder over a number of years, including pointing to one time that I was sick after eating, even though she knew I was pregnant and suffering with morning sickness. They are obviously SIL things to get worked up about.

I'm sorry you got both those types of cray cray rolled into one SIL, it was hard enough dealing with them one at a time.

I'd be quite happy of the excuse never to holiday with them again. 😂

inickedthisname · 10/05/2026 20:30

So, I’m shorter and a bigger clothes size than you (maybe like SIL?) and I can relate to not always being able to have dessert or whatever, but I’m old enough to understand that taller women need more calories, people have different metabolisms, people have different activity levels through the week etc.

Her teenagers should also understand this. You don’t form your eating habits based on what someone else in your life eats or we’d all be getting too much/not enough for us personally.

In other words this is all her problem. How horrible for you and your DH. And the weird stuff about the dog. Sounds like maybe just an excuse because she’s jealous and weird? Could her partner have made noises about how great you look despite eating so much and she just saw red?

ForeverTheOptomist · 10/05/2026 20:12

PerfomativeDisordered · 09/05/2026 13:08

In the Easter holidays we went away with SIL and her family. The dc get on well and we thought it might be nice for them to spend more time together. Up till now we always got on with SIL and her DP.

The plan was to go away again in the summer. However SIL spoke to DH yesterday and they’ve cancelled coming with us. Apparently my behaviour at Easter was not something they can ‘put up with or expose their teenage daughters to’

They accused me of

  1. having disordered and performative eating habits and possibly an eating disorder and don’t think I should be around their girls as it’s not setting a good example. That I was affecting her as well as I made her feel stressed about food the way I ate and the quantities and how 3 cooked meals a day is gluttony yet I’m too thin so she felt huge anxiety?

2)that I’m cruel to animals as we wouldn’t allow their dog into our room in the accommodation which meant they had to get up to distract him. Apparently he loves dh and wanted cuddles and me preventing that made them feel anxious as that’s not a normal response ? I love animals I just didn’t want a dog in our bed ! Every evening and early morning he was whining and scratching and this ruined their relaxing.

Back to the eating. I eat totally normally! SIL had put the idea to dh that I must have crash dieted before the holiday , overeaten in a performative way during then accused me of ‘probably starving herself’ when home apparently to make her feel bad.
I eat very healthily and normally. Never had any kind of eating disorder and I’m a normal size (8-10 no idea what I weigh as I don’t have scales as never needed any)
a typical days eating for me is pretty standard I think:
I have eggs on toast and a smoothie for breakfast. Snack on fruit or nuts mid morning. I love lattes. Have 2-3 a day.
I love to cook so for lunches I make things like pasta salads, chicken and salmon with rice and avocado. Sometimes frittata or quiche.
Dinners I’ll have anything but it’s the biggest meal and things like curries , bolognese and garlic bread. When we were away I made a dark
choc and raspberry torte and SIL kept saying ‘well of course I can’t have dessert’ and seemed annoyed when I had 2 slices. I snack in the evening and had popcorn one night and a glass of wine and crackers and cheese another night. She said I overeat so I must be cutting back at other times to overeat around them and her daughters will see me and the amount I eat and ‘it doesn’t add up’

She doesn’t want someone ‘unstable who won’t admit there’s a problem’ around impressionable teens and it’s apparently very concerning that I dislike animals that’s a red flag apparently.

DH told her this is all ridiculous he’s known me for a long long time he knows I have zero issues that she is suggesting. I’m confused too as she’s known me a long time I’ve always been the same size ???

AIBU to be really angry at these accusations. We also have teen dds as well as younger ds. She was insinuating that im a risk to them as well and telling dh that?!

She is totally off her head.

Do not converse with her.

Sad that this will affect your holidays. Have a rethink.

DuckbilledSplatterPuff · 10/05/2026 20:00

Bristolandlazy · 09/05/2026 13:44

She's paying a lot of attention to what you're doing. That's not relaxing. Sounds like she's jealous you can eat what you want and stay slim. How the hell does she expect to have a relationship with you after saying that. She sounds messed up.

I agree..

Also. It's one thing for her to privately get the hump about you being able to eat what you want and stay slim, but the accusatory way she's phrased it... not a stable person, doesn't want you to be around her daughters indeed. Its so offensive.

And I also thought she wanted to have a lie in whilst you two looked after her dog - a great holiday addition for you!

two issues,which were unreasonable in the first place, but she's added to that by being offensive about it and putting all the blame on you.. .what about Dh, why couldn't he be blamed for not realising he should be looking after her dog ( by telepathy as surely neither of you knew it was because she wanted a lie in)

AgnesMcDoo · 10/05/2026 19:59

Your SIL is a real piece of work. Good on your DH for blocking her.

Chatsbots · 10/05/2026 19:58

Tbf, after all the tirades and untruths, I'd struggle with even small doses going forward.

I'm old and I've realised recently my Sil really doesn't like me. Now the penny has dropped, it's quite hard to work out what to do other than mostly avoid, which is easy as we don't have many family events and we live hours apart. Bit sad tho...

Original poster
PerfomativeDisordered · 10/05/2026 19:55

We haven’t been away with them before so i think we just thought we got along but only in small doses it seems !

OP posts:
ClaredeBear · 10/05/2026 19:45

She’s really jealous and catty, lucky you not having to go on holiday with her, and I don’t see there being much coming back from any of this!

likelysuspect · 10/05/2026 19:35

changenameagain555 · 10/05/2026 19:22

Also, you were on holiday! It's fairly well known that most people eat more on holiday than when at home and diets often get thrown out the window on holiday. I know you said it is what you normally eat but I just don't understand why she'd base her opinion on how much you eat on what you ate on holiday.

She isnt entitled to an 'opinion' on how much OP eats, whether on holiday or not.

And neither is anyone else so away with your analysis of whether OP ate more or not. Its just another way of saying what other posters have said which is 'you do seem to eat a lot', which is none of their business and not a measure they need to be concerned with.

ChaToilLeam · 10/05/2026 19:30

Your SIL sounds absolutely nuts!

changenameagain555 · 10/05/2026 19:22

Also, you were on holiday! It's fairly well known that most people eat more on holiday than when at home and diets often get thrown out the window on holiday. I know you said it is what you normally eat but I just don't understand why she'd base her opinion on how much you eat on what you ate on holiday.

PopcornKitten · 10/05/2026 19:08

Good that DH has blocked her. There’s no reasoning with people like her. I agree, this is her finding fault with everything because she doesn’t like you and is jealous of your figure/metabolism. Liking a dog doesn’t mean your Dah wants it in his bedroom. Honestly, what planet is she on? And all her Dads are seeing is that their mother is batshit.
distance, distance, distance.

liamharha · 10/05/2026 19:08

Firstly your sl is weird . You do eat a lot but tbh prob healthier than me cos I don't eat 3 meals a day and couldn't eat 3 substantial meals like that a day as well as snacks but everyone is different so I'd your healthy and happy you do you . Your sil sounds like a judgy nutcase .

KTheGrey · 10/05/2026 19:06

Some people need more calories than others. It’s the way you’re made. She is batshit crazy bitter jealous.

Horses7 · 10/05/2026 18:54

It’s your holiday and you don’t need this angst in your life.
You’ll have a better time without them.
ps but then I’d hate you if you can eat all that and still be a size 8 😂😂

Leavesandthings · 10/05/2026 18:45

Well she can do one.
How odd - it's like she's nit picking because she doesn't like you for some reason and trying to make arguments. Why would you want to spend any time with her now?
I second that your husband shouldn't get sucked into any back and forths.

BruFord · 10/05/2026 18:42

PerfomativeDisordered · 10/05/2026 18:31

Apparently dh had said he couldn’t wait to see the dog and spend time with him (which we did! In daylight hours! Even taking him for walks!) and there’s an assumption that I was jealous of the dog. There have been messages back and forth today (pretty much an argument till dh blocked her) saying that I deliberately wound him up being up and not allowing him in the room when dh said he loved him etc. it’s been more about the dog than the food really. When that was mentioned SIL reiterated that it ‘just doesn’t add up at all’ and she wants to safeguard her DDs from ED exposure and unrealistic expectations because what I eat isn’t reflected in my body type.

Edited

@PerfomativeDisordered Honestly, I'd advise your DH to stop engaging in this pointless back and forth with his sister. They're not going to agree.

8misskitty8 · 10/05/2026 18:40

Tell her to sod off and eat some cake !

Chatsbots · 10/05/2026 18:34

How feckin rude and I come from a family that don't hold back with their opinions...

I'm as fat af but don't even think about other people's food. Batshit.

Original poster
PerfomativeDisordered · 10/05/2026 18:31

Apparently dh had said he couldn’t wait to see the dog and spend time with him (which we did! In daylight hours! Even taking him for walks!) and there’s an assumption that I was jealous of the dog. There have been messages back and forth today (pretty much an argument till dh blocked her) saying that I deliberately wound him up being up and not allowing him in the room when dh said he loved him etc. it’s been more about the dog than the food really. When that was mentioned SIL reiterated that it ‘just doesn’t add up at all’ and she wants to safeguard her DDs from ED exposure and unrealistic expectations because what I eat isn’t reflected in my body type.

OP posts:
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