AIBU for calling the police but not opening the door at 3am?

You were absolutely right to not open the door. Surely, the first rule of helping someone is to NOT put yourself in danger?
Calling 999 was the best action to take.

No way would I let anyone in for reasons people have already stated:

1. This is a common scam to get people to open the door so they can rob you
2. Getting involved in someone else's domestic violence situation can often lead to the helpful stranger getting stabbed/attacked or even killed (this has happened multiple times- eg the awful case of Olivia Korbel)
3. Calling the police is a far better thing to do than bringing literal violence into your actual home.
4. It doesnt matter if you have kids or pets or are a 6 foot 5 man built like the Rock. Noone is obliged to put their safety at risk for an unknown situation or stranger. Calling the police who are trained to deal with these situations is far more helpful

You are right to not open the door.

Some people force entry, hence why it is important to never open the door, in these bizarre circumstances.

The chances are that the woman was in a drug induced psychosis.

Thank god you kept your door closed with kids in the house.

This happened to me when I was 21. Early hours a woman screaming help and banging my door. I was alone in the house. I looked out the window and didn’t see anyone else. I called the police but didn’t answer the door. After a few minutes I watched her leave my door and cross the street, walk about 10 houses down and she did it again. The owner opened the door and then out of nowhere a man came running and ran into the house also. There was shouting and in less than 2 minutes both the man and woman came running out together. Police did come and did find them later that night. They had taken items from the house they went into and pushed the man who lived there to the ground and had told him to “shut the fuck up”. After speaking with the owner of the house the next day he had a cut on his head (early 60s), a bruised leg and he said they had ransacked his kitchen, took his watch off the kitchen counter, alcohol and took his own knife from the kitchen drawer.

so yes you did the right thing

we opened the window and let a woman use our home phone through the window rather than let her in the house!

I'd assess each situation, rather than have a blanket 'not letting anyone in' mindset.

In your scenario, with the man so close behind her I probably would have done the same as you. If there was immediate threat to someone's life then I'd certainly try to shelter them until the police arrived.

Nope, sorry, I wouldn't be opening that door, either. People love to shout about helping others in need, but you HAVE to look after yourself and your own kids.

As a pp said, Olivia Korbel's poor mother opened the door to see what was going on outside, and look what happened there.

You're not obligated to help. For all you know, it could have been a scam. Isn't there one similar to this?

I’ve got a teenager and 5 dogs but I still wouldn’t have opened the door OP, you just cannot be sure and your kids safety comes first ..
I would of called the police too.
its easy for your friends to say what you “should “ of done , they weren’t at risk

It happened to a friend who called the police but didn’t let the woman in. It turned out she had mental health issues and regularly did this. She also had a knife.
Definitely the right thing to do.

You did the right thing.

I’m in a very similar situation to you and I would not have opened the door to any random at 3am. I would have done as you did and called the police to deal with it.

At our last house a similar situation, I was home with our kids hubby was on night shift..All of a sudden woken around 2am to a woman banging on door shouting for help, I opened a upstairs window to figure and after 2 seconds realised was genuine, I said pop into our garden shed and I will call the police, they arrived within 7 minutes and she came several days later with flowers and wine and told us her ex dh had been arrested with intent to harm with a knife...yes scary but I wouldnt have let anyone in at that time with my kids but was happy to quickly think of an alternative and call for help

Putting physical safety first is one thing (and I would have done the same). You were perfectly reasonable to keep the door closed and call 999. It was probably the best thing you could have done.

However see above - of all things, social workers not intervening as they fear giving evidence.

Happens all the time where I’m from. Sadly there’s a massive community in my area known for it where they have someine out the front screaming or crying etc and then someone is at the back of the house trying to get in. I wouldn’t open the door for anyone at all. Even during the day no chance.

Intervening in a domestic situation like that is extremely dangerous. My husband's cousin went to the aid of a woman having a dispute/fight with a man. He was killed by the man. I normally scoff at mumsnetters being too scared to answer the door but I woudn't have opened the door at 3 am in this situation. You could have had the pair of them in your hallway - possibly high or drunk and maybe with a knife.

could have Been a rouse to get into your house and assault you and rob you! Have you not seen the TikTok video doorbell footage from this happening a lot? Woman bangs on door asking for help and there’s a bloke hiding in the garden waiting for the door to be opened so they can attack the resident?

Why are your “friends” sticking their oars in? They can decide for themselves what to do when it’s them in the situation. Tell them to bugger off.

poor you.
this is why it’s sometimes advised to shout ‘fire fire’ rather than help, as people are more likely to come out to help (and fhe attackers might get weirded out)

The two times that it has been a true emergency, first responders have arrived at my home under 5 minutes.I know I am lucky to live in a place with such responsive services.

People use decoys to get doors opened. You also have to consider your ability to defuse a situation.

calling the police is almost always the right response.

I would never allow anyone into my house late at night if I didnt know them no matter what the circumstances. I would offer to call the police for them but thats about all. Ive had men in hi viz jackets try to trick their way into my house pretending to be looking for a gas leak. I didnt believe them and called the police. They quickly left. The police advised me to remove my name from the public electoral roll.

Probably because a distressed woman was looking for help. Could have been about to be murdered for all we know.

Unfortunately though I agree she did the right thing because you never know what their intentions are. Sad state of affairs when someone banging on the door in distress won't get help because people are too scared of what they might do.

When I was 15, my mum let a young man (20s) who was banging on the door distressed into our home, let him sleep on our sofa. He was very grateful and brought my mum flowers the next day. I remember thinking how nice it was that she helped him, but now I have kids I wouldn't do the same.

I had a motorcyclist walk in to my back garden. He was definitely concussed. I sat him down and told him I'd get him some water, I went inside and called the police/ambulance. They took him to A&E, I tried to see how he was but got nowhere due to not being family.

I would let a female in to my house if I was sure in drugs or alcohol were not involved. I'd hate to be the person needing help one day, or if something happened to DD and nobody helped her.

Women do assault other women and children, so she could have been planning this, thinking you'd be fooled into opening the door if you heard a woman. An abuser in our town recently took the "Myra Hindley" role, as in thinking some people assume only men attack and women are nice.
It's sad to say, but you have to put your own kids first.

Yanbu. You could have put your children and yourself in danger if you'd opened the door.

I wouldnt have opened my door to help you even with all my sons home as would them be scared of my house being targeted or having to give evidence later and being targeted that way

Im a social worker and sadly have seen repercussions and very poor outcomes from intervening in ongoing crimes.